I grinned too when I read what you wrote. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are amazing. Isn't it cool that you realize that EVEN THOUGH one of the worst things possible happened... you're still good? You have grown. He has not. Your kids will respect YOU, not him. You took the high road and you're still there. He's floundering.

Think of it another way too... as my uncle who had five kids (the baby in high school) said when he discovered they were pregnant with twin boys. I feel like I've just been sentenced to 20 more years! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

IHC,

Two things. First, I "went for" a man who was 50yo with 5 kids, because to me, it demonstrated a level of commitment to family. That is the kind of person that I want to be with!!

Second, it takes a little while to realize that the M really IS over and you ARE going to be divorced, but that doesn't mean your life is over! You will still be a mom...and if God wishes, a gramma. You still have YEARS and YEARS of a happy, fulfilling life ahead of you!!! Maybe you'll meet someone and have a better, healthier marriage...and maybe you'll choose to stay single and minister in a way does God's work and is rewarding...you don't know. But LIFE AIN'T OVER BABY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your faithful friend,



CJ

I was looking for your story and didn't see it. Does the OW have kids? Your husband has really flushed his life. Hope OW has a GOOD job.

IHC,

I'm so sorry... can you imagine bringing an innocent child into thier turmoil of adultry.

That's one thing I don't need to worry about...WH was neutered <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

God's plan is sooo much better for you.

Still

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
LOVED reading this! You are soooo impressive!!

Who knows where that thread is now (well 2 0r 3 of them)...I have no skills at linking things!

OW has 1 daughter from previous 13 year marriage.

I have NO idea where she works because she used to work at Home Depot and got fired...karma!!!!

Hope she has a good job too cause STBX is gonna be broke for the next 14 years!!!!!

cj,



VERY attractive in a man...a woman would like this. My thinking is that is NOT as common for a man to feel that way.

But you are SOOO RIGHT:

FH


Thank you.

HE IS!

Glad to see you're holding up well. Looks like you're gonna be alright.

I AM!

It knocked me on my butt yesterday for an hour or so...but then I recovered and was fine all last night and am doing good today as well.

I think mostly I feel so sorry for him. I cannot get over how stupid all of this is. I never imagined a normal person could be transformed into a bulldozer of stupidity. (lame analogy, I know) Just flattening reality wherever it goes. It just boggles my mind.

Well said. I still have the "Is this really happening?" moments. Scary stuff.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well with it. There are sure to be tough times, too, but you know that we are here for you. You're off to a good start!

Yeah I know some tough times will come, but at least I am somewhat prepared for them.

In a way I kind of feel just a little more free...to dream about my future, instead of dreading it. I can kind of start thinking about what I would want in a future relationship and not feel guilty. (Still not ready to date, but at least I am heading towards healing).

It feels different, the prospect of dating. When you are young, you are just itching to be married, like there is a time frame to "start" your life. My life is well into the "started" category so a relationship would just be icing on the cake...

Every day the future seems brighter.

Yet another quote that applies to every BS on this forum.

Definately NOT lame.

I just absoletely love your quote...so not lame...bulldozer of stupidity...

STBX is proving that RIGHT NOW...a little more day by day and he said I was the one that was naive! LMAO

Actually a pretty good mentally visual analogy. I liked it a lot the day I read it.


I think this every single day. It’s like torching a beautiful apple orchard in order to make charcoal. Maybe bulldozers are smarter.

IHC,

“I still have the same concerns for my children and the ever present...who would marry a woman with 5 kids question.”

“My thinking is that is NOT as common for a man to feel that way.”

You and I will never meet. And even if we did, I am still married to FWW. But I would like you to know I have no problem with a woman having 5 children. And I know several unmarried men my age that feel the same way, too.

FWW and I were originally planning to have several children. We had a beautiful boy. Then FWW started her VLTA and stopped wanting another child. I did not know why at the time, of course, it was all very confusing. But she was saving herself for her affair. Pregnancy would have interfered, I guess. So we never had another. And now it’s too late.

I still wish I had more children, and if anything were to happen to FWW I would have no qualms becoming a step dad to as many kids as possible. I miss little feet. I will miss teenagers, in fact, when DS heads off to college soon.

So please don’t feel like there are none of us natural born dads out there. We are around.

Just a suggestion, for when you are truly ready. Look for us in church. Look for us in volunteer organizations. Look for men from larger families. You will have to look carefully though. We do not go around advertising our needs or our hopes. Look for quiet men who do not push themselves into the spotlight or onto women in the slightest.

With prayers,

Aphelion,

""We had a beautiful boy. Then FWW started her VLTA and stopped wanting another child. I did not know why at the time, of course, it was all very confusing. But she was saving herself for her affair. Pregnancy would have interfered, I guess. So we never had another. And now it’s too late.""

Aww Geeze, this is one of the saddest things I have read on this site, actually got a little misty!

The realization of how much the VLTA robs from you breaks my heart. It steals your dreams...then you look back and see how it destroys your past.

My heart goes out to you brother.

kirk

SORRY FOR THREADJACK.

I know how rare of a treasure a man like this is...and that is what I will hold out for.

A marriage is hard enough, then add in children and it is even harder. Only a very special man can love a child that is not his own, so I am only looking for someone who has that capability.

Plus, I wouldn't mind having another (actually wish I could)...so we shall see....

Thank you for reminding me that those men do exist..and some of them are still out there (not already taken!)

IHC

IHC, I've only got 1700 sq feet!

I guess I could build a bunk house in the back yard.

There goes my shed plans.

I second IHC. It is nice to see that there are still men who value a family, and moreso a woman with a lot of children. I have 4 kids, and this has crossed my mind a lot.

You two are great.