For the second time in the past year, I've found my husband is having an online affair and cybersex with other women. We've been married for less than 2 years. This is his third marriage, and my second. The first affair was with someone who was supposed to be a friend of mine and the most recent was with an old high school girlfriend of his. I confronted the first one and it stopped. I thought we were rebuilding our marriage, but he just never seemed to be committed to our marriage, and started spending more and more time online. I found out about the latest one by installing spyware on our computer. Not only did I find out about the online affair, I found out that they were planning to meet at a hotel, and I found out that my husband had taken off two days from work (he said he was sick) and binged on computer porn; he visited over 2,500 porn sites in a 24-hour period while I was working away from home. This binge comes after more than three years of compulsive visiting of porn sites and promises of "it will never happen again"
Since then, I've confronted my husband, and, of course, he says if I had been taking care of business at home, none of this would have happened. He says that he knew I would be looking for him to cheat, so he enlisted these other women to help him in "setting me up". I've moved out of the home (we have no children together and we are renting the house), since he says this is not his fault and the porn is no big deal, and he is not going anywhere. I've mailed a copy of the chat transcripts to the OW's husband, which include the cybersex and their plans to meet. I've stopped contact with him because he doesn't talk, he just rants about how unfair and mean I am to him, and I've stopped payment on the utilities at the house. His latest threat was that I had 24 hours to contact him or my stuff would be put in the yard.
Rationally, I think I've handled everything OK, but emotionally I feel as if I'm one step away from being certifiable. Is this normal?

Sorry this is happening to you. You have not been married that long and he already had two affairs. I would not stay married to him, especially since he has excuses of why it is all your fault. Sounds like he has issues.

How long did you know him before you married him? Were there any warning signs that you ignored?

Thank you.

I knew him for a several years. I never questioned his "poor me" stories, and I never met his exes.. Looking back (and hindsight always being 20/20) there were signs...I just believed that we would be different together. Maybe I'm not crazy, just really naive.

Take your time and think about things, but the 2 day porn thing shows me that he has problems. You don't want to spend the rest of your life checking up on him, and having everything be your fault.

If he was sorry and agreed to get some counseling and work on his issues, I would have a different opinion.

Sadly, he is not sorry. He is just angry that I've left him to deal with the household stuff, and he feels that I am completely over-reacting to the porn.

Once again, the story of the Scorpion and the Frog immediately comes to mind...

All that after 2 years? I suggest walking away as fast as possible. You deserve better.

Scorpion and Frog?
Please advise.

Lose this loser ASAP. He is a Sex Addict. He needs counseling specializing in this arena. He is also a projector, projecting his problems onto you without taking responsibility for his own actions. It is someone else's fault in his mind. I propose you could have sex with him three times per day and he would still find a reason to search for it outside his marriage. He is an addict.

After just two years of marriage and this is happening does not bode well for the future, imo. Take care of you and find someone who respects you and himself.

can you safely get people to assist you to get your stuff out of the house...

there is NO point in engaging in any talks with him right now...

he's a babbling fool......

nothing you do or don't do makes YOU responsible for ANY of his actions....

and his thought processes are dangerous to you in your emotional hurt....

there is nothing more dangerous than a lunatic attempting to convince you all he does is YOUR fault....

do logistics right now...
can you get your stuff out of the house safely...

can you rent some buff dudes as the local gym to help...

ARK

I arranged for a couple of friends to get my things while my husband was at work. It was really hard; realizing that we had come to this.
I know in my head that this is not my fault but my heart is breaking. Why do people do this to each other?