I am 43 years old. After 19 years of marriage, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. We have been separated for 2 months now. My wife has just ended an affair that started almost three years ago. During those three years, I used alcohol to cope. By the end, I was drinking a half pint of Jack Daniels every day.

After we separated, I was able to get my drinking under control. I began to immerse myself in articles on Drinking, separation, divorce, infidelity, etc. It was almost an obsession with me. I have always loved my wife, and once I understood the dynamics of infidelity, I decided that I wanted to try to work things out.

After two months, and a lot of work, my wife has said that she would also like to work things out. The problem I am having is timing. She just broke off her affair a week ago. I want to get into counseling and begin to work things out, but my wife is going to individual counseling, and she says she is not ready to go to counseling as a couple.

We have been spending a lot of time together. We ride bikes together, we jog, we share meals, and we visit. The only rule we have is that we are not going to discuss our problems (drinking/infidelity) until we see a councilor.
This arrangement has worked for the past few weeks, but my patients are running out. My feelings for my wife have grown, and I want to move forward, but I don't know how to proceed.

I would appreciate any advice.

loseinit,

My advice is to hunker down.....getting past drinking problems, infidelity and rebuilding a marriage is going to take loads and loads of patience, time and energy. MB is a process and you are just beginning. Don't run out of steam now my friend.

Welcome to MB

If you cut and paste your post to the other forum, will you also include if your WW has gone no contact? Has been transparent with where she is, who she's communicating with (offers you cell records, accountability and other ways which she used to have her A?).

Star*fish,

Thank you for your encouragement.

My wife has gone no contact as of last Monday. I won't be able to check phone records until the next bill. She is not completely open with me. I don't think that she has accepted responsibility for her part in the affair. I also don't believe that she is ready to be open with herself and face the pain this will bring. She has expressed that she would like to work on trying to save our marriage, but she is not ready for MC. At the moment, I am taking her at her word, and I am trying to spend quality time together.

I realize that I can't force the issue. She has to come around on her own time. It is frustrating to know that we are willing to work on our issue, but we can't get started until she is ready.