Let's see...today I had to get two friends to remove my things from my house because I didn't feel safe doing it alone. My WS left a phone message for my daughter saying"your mother decided to bring other people into this, so don't hate me because I have to do the same" (I'm assuming he means that the OW's husband received the cybersex transcripts I mailed to him that showed the online affair between OW and WH), my WS is telling everyone who will listen that I am bipolar (I'm not), and someone I thought was a friend told me that obviously, my refusal to have any contact with WS was the reason for his escalation into threatening me. I don't know what hurts the most; my WS manipulating my daughter or my "friend" who thinks this my fault. I've spent most of the day in a meltdown. I am so tired of being strong.

My heart goes out to you sweetcharity, I've had my share of bad days too. Dealing w/ WS's can be sooo draining on us BSs.

If you read other postings here, your WH's reaction to your exposing is textbook, and hopefully you expected it and was fully prepared for it. I know it hurts, my WW responded the same way when I exposed to OM's parents and her own parents (having difficulty finding info on OM's W). But, she did get over her anger, and it isn't talked about anymore. They won't forever spew their venom at you, so just deflect it all.

I find my strength in my Lord Jesus Christ to help me get through this trial of my life. Hopefully you know the Lord too.

Hang in there!

All WS's spew the same thing.

I have a pretty good idea that mine has told everyone that listens (ie. his best friend and his family) what a horrible person I am. The only person in that equation that will speak to me is his papa. What are you gonna do?

I just let him say what he has to say. Our friends know the truth, and they are there for US. And, our marriage.

Mine has told everyone just how horrible I am too.

Then I play them the recording of her wanting to have me killed for my insurance.

Thank you so much. The difficulty is that I thought I was prepared, but obviously wasn't, and this caught me off-guard. I'm trying to tell people that my WS is not only unfaithful, but has a porn addiction as well, and so far, no one seems to care. They all say it's a "family" issue that needs to be worked out between my husband and my self. They haven't seen the threatening emails that he's sending to me. It's just so discouraging...

Keep the emails. Then, if they don't believe you, you can ask them to take a look at them.

They'll open their eyes soon enough to what it is that is going on. It won't take long for them to see the change in their beloved son.

SC,

Keep anything you can keep in printed form. You will need it for the court proceedings that will surely come. He will be planning to accuse you of many things. Be sure that you keep any records of anything you have in a place that he cannot get to - keep one copy at your own place, and a backup copy at another place that he has no access to. Do not tell anyone else of the backup copy, because obviously other people are listening to his side of the story. At this point, you have to watch what you say to other people - don't say much to anyone, it will just give him ammunition for his court case later.

Print out anything from the computer that will show the porn sites he visited. The history page on the computer will give you a good list. Have a computer-savvy friend help you do this when WH is not at home.

Then, run, don't walk, to the nearest attorney. I've read your story, and your WH has a serious porn addiction, has had a number of affairs, is on his third marriage, and has no problem blaming you for his abominable behavior. This is also a fairly new marriage as well. This is not something that looks like "saving" material. It is very hard on you, I'm sure. But I think Dr. Harley would probably advise you that your hope of recovering and building a solid and lasting relationship with this man is slim at best.

I'm usually optimistic, but, your story doesn't look so good on the statistical side.

Are you wanting to recover this marriage?????????

If that's what you want to do, then you are in the right place, but, be forewarned - the odds in your particular case are WAY against you. Just the facts - I don't mean to be harsh.

And I really feel for you - this has got to be one of the toughest stories I've read here.

Schoolbus

At this point, I don't think the marriage can be saved, either.

I have hard copies from the computer. I took them with me when I left.

He's already accusing me of things: being bipolar, being gay, theft, fraud...a long list of things that have no basis and all stem from the fear of being exposed...his OW intercepted the package I sent to her husband with the copis of their cybersex session, and immediately called him to cry about it. I think he is more concerned with being exposed than anything else and he is totally freaking out about it.

My daughter and a friend went to the house today to get my stuff, and he called the cops on her...he is so angry that I am having no contact with him that he is even striking out at her.

Glad you're out.

Make copies, keep them separate from where you are staying, and NOT at any relative's house. If you rent a storage unit, rent it in someone else's name, and pay cash. Since he's a retired cop, he will have friends to get help from. I know this sounds a little paranoid, but he may try to get things like paperwork and copies away from you, and you need to make sure you have that angle covered. Leave a copy with an attorney if you can. Do not use an attorney that he knows, or that he has used or mentioned to you in the past.

Next time you go to the house, have police escort you. It is the only way you will be able to do this safely. Otherwise, he will be trying to trap you. Take receipts for anything big if you have them, so you can show the cops right there if you can that the stuff is yours - saves the hassle.

All I can say is thank you, SB. You are a godsend.