if you came here for ideas on how to help you salvage this kind of a relationship, i am sorry but i cannot help you.

i will not help someone into dysfunction.

your kids, will you PLEASE think about your kids! she was with old guy for 2 years and you one. SO, you basically are the OM to her bf who is married. (like wow). what part of that picture are you not getting?

so, you decide to take her back. and you get married. and we see you back here 5 years from now because now she is cheating on you with someone else. I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS THINK OF ANY KIND OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NON TRUSTWORTHY AND CHEATS AND LIES. IF SHE DOES IT BEFORE MARRIAGE SHE WILL DO IT DURING! your children have already dealt with a cheating mother, don't make them have to deal with a cheating stepmother.

when you have children they have GOT to be a part of how you choose your next mate. it is NOT all about you. if you didn't have children and you wanted to torture yourself like this i would say have at it. BUT, you have kids. and you need to start thinking of them. stop this foolishness steve.

i can't post anymore because, like i said, i will not give help to you to continue in dysfunction. you are not married to her. you owe her nothing. you owe your kids everything. yes, she was great around them supposedly, etc.. BUT SHE IS A FAKE. remember that.

good luck.
your kids are going to need it.

mlhb

I know what you all are telling me. I still hope..

Cinderella....***edit***how you ever found anyone with your attitude is a miracle, has to be..

Committed, I never once said tell me what I want to hear.
those are your words.

My children really like this woman..a Lot
and as far as my children they are fine. I am EXTREMLY
protective of them they are both fine and want to live with me. I let my children try things and let them know it is ok to not get what you want on the first try. My children are very well grounded.

Committed, I never once said tell me what I want to hear.

Sure you are....

[color:"red"] I really really care for her and would like for this to work out. [/color]




[color:"red"] Ok if we were married and she cheated I should do what ever to take her back to get the affair to stop etc..
why not now? I care for her, could I have married her, we had made hint regarding marriage but skirted the issue, she had been divorced 2 years and me 3.

This is why I am here..[/color]




[color:"red"] you know what I am talking about. I love the girl, I was cheated on again...I guess I came here again to see what
advice you would have. the same as last time. EVEN though nothing worked last time I decided to come back again.[/color]



[color:"red"] I am a very forgiving person, I CHOSE to forgive my ex-wife and I chose to forgive my girlfriend [/color]

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

No one is going to tell you to build a relationship with this girl.

THAT is what you want to hear, and you aren't going to find it here.

I know...this is all falling on deaf ears....that means I'm the crazy one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

committed

Hey, you could have an 'open" relationship where you, the girl, and her other old man get together and all three sleep together. Make it honest. And open. Go to somebodys house and have a threesome.

Better yet get the other guy's wife involved also and have an ongoing foursome in bed. In fact, you four could all save some money if you were to get a big home somewhere and move in togehter. You all could have sex every nite in a really big bed.

I think you could forgive this girl for using that older married man if you all got together. You meet her other old man, and his wife. Then all 4 get a hotel room and try sleeping together. Then go out to eat together. The old lovers wife might forgive him if you had sex with her while your girlfriend has sex with her other old lover in front of you.

It is the only way to be honest and open about the relationships and shagging going on, you all shag each other at the same time. Then you dont have the drama of lies and using others since you are openly all using each other.

You sound open and forgiving enough to let your girlfriend have sex with other men, you can do this. In fact give your girlfriend a big check each time you have sex with her. She wants money. And you got what she wants which is attention from many men and money.

Dont try marrying her, just start a foursome with her other boyfriends wife and him and your part time girlfriend. She is already doing the "open' relationship by having sex with you and the other guy, now just open up the relationship even more! It will be fun!

Hey see who is better in bed, you or her other boyfriend. Compare as you both have sex with her at the same time. See if you are better than him.

I think steve wanted to whine and brag more than he wanted MB help. Why don't we give up on him and let him sink into oblivion - especially since he rails against everything we suggest and will only entertain his own agenda?

Hey, where the heck is your brain at tonight? Please tell us you are Sooooo over loser girl.

Tell me this. Do you believe that your GF is emotionally invested in your relationship with her, or economically invested?

Also...when she tells you that she loves you with all her sweet, pretty little heart, do you believe that she
1. tells you this with 100% truth and honesty
2. tells you this because this is what you want to hear or believe
3. tells you this but also tells the other man the same thing
4. tells you this because you are a source of income
5. tells you this because (insert whatever)

Remove (I Love this Girl) from the equation and tell us why you would subject yourself and your children to such a disfunctional person.

CHILDREN!!?? You actually have children yet you are not wise enough to get away from this liar/cheater/ user of a woman?????

Ask your kids. Even THEY would tell you to get away from her and move on. Kids dont like liars/ cheaters/ or users.

I have avoided ALL phone calls from girlfriend. I was at home Monday cleaning my car after work, the phone calls continued one after the other. As I was cleaning she came flying up in the driveway getting out yelling and cussing about how I better leave her alone etc.

I put the brakes on that very quickly, I told her I had not called her, emailed or attempted to contact her since Friday. I told her on Friday the last time I talked to her she had called me.

I calmy walked up to her and told her to get out of my yard
I had nothing to say to a liar and a cheater.
She started crying, I told her to go cry to the old man
who cheats on his wife. As I was talking to her she was walking off and I said yep there it is.. she said there what is and I said the walk of shame....I made her leave.

I walked in the front yard and she was waving, I sttod there to watch her drive off and she rolled the window down and said she loved me, I told her to ssave it. She said she did not want me mad. I told her I was not mad I was cheated on, I told her she was no different than my ex.. She got mad and said she wished she never met me, I just looked at her and turned around and walked off and never said a word, she asked me to come back to talk, I never turned around and went back to cleaning my car.

She drove back in the driveway and and said she wanted to hear whatever I had to say. I told her the old guy was going to cheat on her, he was trash like she was, I told her if her a$$ was as big as her mouth she would step up and take responsibility for what she has done and not try and blame me. I told her she involved me when she lied to me and started a relationship with me.

Later tha night she called my cell 11 time and my home many times as well. I turned them both off. She called my work the next am. I told her I had nothing left to say other than thanks for ruining the chance for other women now.

She started crying and telling me again how sorry she was, she said she wanted to call me each week until her life is
settled, she said she loves me but is in love with old man.
She says she knows it will not work with him but does not know how to break it off with him. I told her I could help her out. I said treat him like you did me.

I told her I know you have been lying to the old man
she did not say a word, I told her she lies just to lie and if she ever told the truth her tounge would fall out of her head.

I told her goodbye, she yells Steve I love you. I said bye and hung up.

No call from her yesterday.

Girlfriend just called at work, She said she wanted to call and let me know that she would be out with some friends for a birthday party. I told her do not tell me where it is so you will not think I am following you. I told her she can come and go as she wanted and did not have to call and ok or tell me what she was doing.

She said she was thinking of me and wanted to let me know

read above action as well.....

Geeze man. You did the things you should have done. But, get caller ID so when she calls you dont even need to answer it.

SHE IS SICK, SICK, SICK!!!

ok, i was not going to reply but just wanted to say good job steve for FINALLY doing the right thing. re-read your post.... do you see the insanity in it? the "i love you" and when you tell her to save it she screams " i wish i had never met you" and back and forth up and down. geez, she loves you, she hates you. if that ain't unstable i don't know what is! so glad your kids weren't home to see that little drama. your neighbors on the other hand...

ok, back to my seclusion.
mlhb

She sounds like a "bunny in the pot" type to me.

I cannot get called ID at work, she knows my extension and goes around the operator. As for Bunny in the pot I do not know what that means so help me out.

There is so much more I told her that I do not want to take the time to type, I just unloaded on her.

My friend was over tonight and we were bsing and my phone rang, I asked him to get it and it was Her!! she told me she was on the way to the b-day party and wanted to tell me. I told her again she did not need to call and tell me what her plans were where she went or anything else, She said I just want to let you know to be honest with you. I said why start now? I told her she should get off the phone and go to the party that she may be late and we wouldnt that to happen,

She said she would call on her way home, I told her why bother. She then said Steve I am going to come back to you after I sort my life out and I will be the perfect woman
then she said i promise. She knows that I have neve broken a promise. ask any friend or my children. If I promise then it is a done deal.. I told her that her promise and mine were different. she said no ther not I will be back with you
in time. I told her tell the guy I said happy B-day and hung up

can u change your extension at work? can u get employers cooperation in telling her she may not harass you @work? can u change your phone #?

BTW, good for you telling her to leave you alone!

I have had my home number for 18 years and my cell for 13
years, I am not going to change them.

work no luck either with the number change, even if they did it would be easy to find out the new one.

She will get the hint, I told her her old dude was going to dump her to save his marriage. now I just say ok to everything and get her off the phone

Ah, but an ok without thinking could be an agreement to something undesired. Could you hang up when you hear her voice?

i would not answer the home or cell phone if it is her, and at work, i would demand of her that she stop calling at work. tell her she is bordering on harrassment with all of the phone calls and that you will get her blocked from being able to call you at work if she doesn't stop. (she doesn't know that you can't do that)

didn't you see the movie "fatal attraction" with michael douglas? he had an affair with a crazy woman (did not know that she was a real whack job until he broke up with her). one of the crazy things she did after he ended it was (correct me here if i am wrong) but she boiled a rabbit in a pot on HIS stove at his house i believe. something like that. she basically just started acting like a crazy person like this little whack job you are dealing with is.

you took her cake eating away steve. you took her fun away. you were her "fall back on guy" when things either weren't going good with her old guy or if he was not available. now she doesn't have that and she is PISSED. i've seen this before all too close to home trust me. you've got a real good picture of who she really is now. THAT kind of character doesn't change. crazy is just crazy.

mlhb

Perhaps, at work, unless you can tell a call is in-house, you could let all your calls go to your voice mail and check them several times a day. Simply delete messages from her the second you hear her voice. (At work, I have to play the entire message before deleting it but I don't have to actually listen to the message.)