I do the same thing. When I know he is coming back into the country I imagine that he will call and be at the airport in my town and ask me to come get him, or he will call and ask if he can come visit. I think of all the time he has to do things with me and wonder if he might call. So far he has chosen to pick up extra trips and be gone again. It's so disappointing to me because I imagine how happy I will be when he does these things and how he must be thinking about me and thinking about doing these things. Then I remember, he never really made plans for us when we were together, I was the one coming up with everything we would do...

I hope he does call and invite you to dinner. Do you have other plans in case he doesn't. Do you have friends you do things with when you aren't working?

I'm new to the town I live in and don't really have many friends yet. I've been a shut in of sorts for a while. When I am with the few folks I know here I feel I am surrounded by strangers and I want my husband back even more. SOmeone who knows me, but then I remember how I never felt like someone really knew me when we were together. What is wrong with me? I'm having a really hard day today. I'm buying a house on Tuesday and it's such an empty feeling. I actually bought this one over another one because it was bigger. (40K more expensive as well!) but I chose this one hoping he would come back when he see it and all our stuff in it.... It could still happen but it's unlikely. I'm a fool. I'll have a great house though and its across the street fromt he house I didn't choose so it's still where I want to be and it's a great house. I was there yesterday to let the appraiser in (the owners gave me the key already since they moved out Tuesday) but while I was there I was walking around this big empty house and thinking how beautiful it is, how happy I will be there with my dogs and my new business will be two houses down so I can walk there every evening, but it just felt so empty. Life is so full of turns and I chose this turn. Careful what you wish for huh?

I'll look for a post about your evening, I hope it goes the way you want and I hope you are alright if it doesn't.

CJ

Well that was weird <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

XH called and said that he was going to stop by the shop with the kids. Usually he'll stop by the shop first, do whatever, then pick up the kids. This time he picked them up and came here. The kids don't like hanging out here at the shop anymore - when they were younger they had to spend school holidays and weekends here with us - they're over that now - and they are old enough to stay home.

So he stopped by with them, we all chatted for a bit about this and that. He was glad to see that I got the electrical problem resolved - my electrician customer came and took care of it - fuse in the main box (BIG fuse) - no charge (whew!)... pays to be kind to people, they are kind back <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I don't know the purpose of his bringing the kids around but it was nice to spend 20 minutes just all of us together and just chatting about nothing in particular. I told XH about electrician client's car accident last week - hit head-on. Broken sternum but otherwise OK (thank God) - he was hit by a man strung out on pills. We talked about the amusment park experiences of last weekend and the news item today about the little girl who had her feet cut off by a ride at a park in another state... so sad.

We talked about a near-miss we all had as a family many years ago - a car nearly hit us head-on. Thankfully it was just that - a near-miss. Then he told me that last year when GF and he were on the road trip (UGH HATE hearing about her and their adventures!), she kept pointing out things for him to see and he nearly ran off the road (gee, that makes me want to send the kids on another road trip with him - NOT!)... I didn't tip my emotional hand about hearing about this - just treated it as any part of the conversation, and subjects changed and the conversation moved on.

He's not taking the kids out to eat - DD made spaghetti sauce at home. If I thought for a minute he'd stay for dinner I'd invite him..hmmm wonder if I should call? No - I'll let it be for now - and wait til I've talked to him. Besides, his phone is probably off or in the car if he's in the library.

So no invite - but I wasn't "excluded" either, since he's not feeding them and not keeping them overnight. Intersting that he brought them around - he didn't really do any work here tonight - though he and DS put some heavy boxes away that came in this week.

Maybe if they get home after I do (I'm outta here in half an hour) I'll ask him if he'd like to eat with us when I hear him pull up to drop the kids off. I'm sure if I do he'll say that his stomach isn't up to it (DD made spaghetti sauce today) - but if the kids aren't already home when I get there, I may be brave and ask.

I'm still trying to figure out why he came around with the kids. The shop is past our subdivision but before his apartment, and the library is the other way. Odd.

JinGA

OH and CJ - to answer your question - yes I do "have a life" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I've got some amazing friends, and I do things with them, as well as with my kids.

I work long hours and lots of them - but I try to make the time to have fun too. I like geocaching - it's kind of a scavenger hunt using a GPS receiver. The kids and I love to do that, and I do it by myself sometimes. We haven't been out much since it's been so hot, it's tough schelpping through parks and things when it's 90+ degrees and there's poison ivy everywhere - but in the fall and winter and spring we did that, and we find "urban" ones when the weather isn't so good for bushwhacking. I've met some nice people in that activity too - people of all ages and walks of life. We even went to a breakfast gathering once for local geocachers.

So yes - I have a pretty full life, with or without XH. My kids keep me busy, not to mention running a business and trying to keep my household in order. If things don't happen between XH and me, I've still got plenty going for me - I think it would just be *nicer* with him in it.

JinGA

A swing... and a MISS.

I sneaked out of work a few minutes early and beat them home. I was about to go outside to put a box in the trash, when the dog signaled that somebody was outside. XH was there dropping the kids off. So as I took the box outside, I asked him through the car window if he'd like to join us for supper.

He said, "No, I'm good, I already took something out for supper."

Oh well, I tried. He didn't just blow me off - at least he came up with a good reason - and it's quite likely he has already taken something out (although it could have gone into the fridge til tomorrow!).

JinGA

Hi Jinga,

I hope I didn't come across as asking if you had a life. I was mainly asking for myself because I really don't yet. I think all of this would be easier if I still lived where I used to, where all my friends are. I would still have a network of folks to hang out with. I'll get there though...

That GPS stuff sounds interesting, I've heard of that....

Sorry he didn't stay for dinner. I hope your talk tomorrow is good for you both.

I'm sorry if it sounded like I was asking if you had a life. I really wasn't.

CJ

LOL no offense taken - sorry if you "heard" me wrong - I was saying it with humour.

In fact, my son and I went out geocaching tonight. Found 3, but the 4th stumped us. We hadn't been out in a while - we found that a new one was posted recently near our house so we got that one and went out for a few more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm trying to stay positive about tomorrow - but DS told me that XH was on the phone with GF while in the car... ugh.

I'm trying not to let negative feelings creep in ... but truth be told I have a hunch I'm going to get shot down.

JinGA

Well folks, today is the day (I think)... I'm going to try to have that talk with him at closing time.

I think I have a huge uphill battle - despite all the good, logical things that I have on my side here, I'm not working with someone who is thinking logically, even now.

My DS reminded me tonight that about a month or so ago, XH told him that even though GF was leaving (she'd already left), that didn't mean that he and I would be getting back together. I don't know why he told DS that at the time, DS made no mention of it as a possibility. I don't know if XH was being pre-emptive because he feels that there's no chance in his heart for it - or because he felt that there was no chance in mine - but of course with his R with GF still "going strong"....and it's not showing any signs of slowing down, at least in its current incarnation.

I'm going to do this anyway - because I can't stand being in limbo anymore. I need to tell him how I feel. If he chooses not to accept that, then so be it. At least I will know that I did my best, even after all this time.

And if he chooses to accept - then I've got another shot at it, that I never thought I had.

Even if he does give me a cool reception now - at least he'll know where I stand. In fact, I expect a cool reception now. This journey may mean a bit more waiting... once I put it all out there, it may still take a while for his R to fizzle out - and only then will time tell if he's willing at that time to give things another try.

I won't wait forever if he turns me down now - but I'm not going anywhere, nor am I "looking" for anyone. I'll keep the door open for a while before I close it.

At some point he's either going to let things end with GF, or he's going to pack up and move out there. If he moves out there at least he will be out of sight, out of mind (somewhat)... and that will make it easier for me, since I won't have him before me, reminding me every day (but then my kids lose their father). If things die out eventually with the GF, he might rethink today's upcoming conversation down the road a bit.

Either way - I'm going to do this today, unless there's something huge and unforeseen that prevents it (like on Monday when I was ready to do this).

Rather than focus on the reasons why he'll reject me, I'm going to try *really* hard today to focus on the reasons why he might accept my invitation to reconciliation.

It's hard to keep those positive thoughts .. please say a prayer for me today, OK?

JinGA

Well we had the talk today.

It's time for a new thread.

Here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...vc=#Post3264630

JinGA