Hi All,

D-day was 1 month ago. My H came clean about the A when I confronted him. According to him, he's had NC w/ the OW since the day after d-day when I saw him tell her over the phone that he could no longer continue w/ the A.

He's obviously going through withdrawal. Depression, anxiety, and self-loathing are pretty obvious. He's trying to talk openly about A and he's been on this site. What should I be expecting from H at this point? When I confronted him about A, I asked him if he loved her and he said yes. So, obviously this was not only a PA, it was an EA too. I know that it'll take patience but at this early stage should I even expect him to go through the emotional needs exercises w/ me? Should I expect him to show me tenderness or be constantly reassuring me?
Should I ask him to show me his email inbox for reassurance? or trust his word that he's maintained NC? He and I work together and I know if he has anything (photos,emails, etc. it would be on his work computer) Should I ask to see his computer here? Will this send him deeper into his withdrawal if I'm too demanding at this stage?

click, I would put spyware on his computer and quietly watch him. That will help you avoid asking him about it all the time. It will also help you trust him again when you can verify independently that he is being trustworthy. Don't ask, just verify on your own.

Has ALL contact ended and has the OW's husband been notified of the affair?

I will find the thread about withdrawal and post it here in my next post but in the meantime, I would go to the MB bookstore and order Surviving an Affair and His Needs, Her Needs. A HUGE HELP would also be Dr. Harley's DVD about the BASICS. I found that extremely helpful even after having read those books and it is only $10.

I will go find that link for you. Sorry you are here, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

withdrawal thread: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post2686313

some good spyware programs are spectorpro and eblaster. Use the former if you have regular access to his computer and can retrieve the reports and use the latter if you would prefer the reports be mailed to you daily. URL: http://www.spectorsoft.com/

Is OW married?

Thanks to those who've responded already.

No, the OW is not married.

How much can OW be 100% avoided?

Well, she lives in this city. She doesn't belong in our social circle, nor does she work with us.

I don't know where she lives although it's easy enough to find out. I don't know if I should look it up or not. I have a feeling she lives in a neighborhood that my H and I often spent time in. H and I have not been in that neighborhood since exposure of A.