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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 148
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 148 |
I have a friend that is having alot of difficulty in her marriage.
They have been having problems for about 4 years now. Husband drinks heavily, she is depressed.
They have two teenage daughters that have been juggled between them now for a couple of years.
Friend lives on her own, girls live with their dad, but see mom daily.
Can the principles of MB help in a situation like this? She loves her H to the end, but is worried that they are too far gone.
I think it can go back, but I want her to see others feel the same.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160 |
MMH, sorry to be skeptical here but, if it's been four years, they aren’t a couple anymore. There are a slew of new behavioral patterns that have become well entrenched in both of them. I suppose MB principles (HNHN, for example) would work, but it would take a professional counselor to work with the two individuals to get them back together. IMHO, I think if both of them didn’t enthusiastically dedicate themselves to the task, I really doubt it would have a snowball’s chance.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 148
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 148 |
Sorry, should have elaborated. They have only been apart for about a year. Still keep in close contact, and neither one has "moved on".
The relationship issues started about 4 years ago. They had a number of personal problems (health, loss of family members) that lead to the depression, but the drinking has been ongoing for awhile.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,638
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,638 |
As I understand it, addictions have to be removed from the equation before the MB principles can be applied. His drinking would have to be dealt with first.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160 |
Ah...okay. Well, one year isn't nearly as bad as four years, but Seabird's point is well taken. I'm sure Melody could give you chapter and verse on this but an addiction to any drug, whether it's alcohol or something else, is a terribly high barrier to overcome. You've only said he drinks heavily, but if he's using it to self-medicate for the pain in the marriage, it may easily have drifted into a physical or psychological addiction. If the other partner is clinically depressed, I would think that has to be addressed also. In short, I still think the services of a professional are going to be required.
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