I'm not speaking to my husband right now. I imagine, that's a love buster. But I can't help it. I just can't stand anymore lies and I don't want to talk to him.
As I have posted recently, my husband is in an long-term emotional affair with a co-worker. It has totally distracted me from another inappropriate relationship.
He also periodically spends time with a woman down the street who is married with three kids. Our daughter is "friend's" with her children. When he takes our daughter for walks, sometimes they'll end up at her house, he says, because she'll flag them down. The thing is, it's always when her husband isn't home. Once I went down there and found them downstairs in her living room chatting, while the kids got into mischief upstairs. Later, when I said I was uncomfortable, my husband refused to stop going by her house, claiming that my jealousy would leave our daughter bereft of friends--although she has plenty of other playmates. Now, he says, he will only let her play in their backyard, not in the house.
Even his parents noticed something is up. She and her kids stayed at our house an hour after everyone else left after my daughter's birthday party. His dad asked my husband why she wouldn't leave, and my husband said it was because she's lonely. But, her husband was at home. I was in the kitchen and I heard one of his parents ask how our families met, and they spoke about how they met on the street one day after church, as though they were a couple, and I hadn't been standing there at the time. His mom asked me seemingly inocuous questions about her later, and looked at me knowingly. The next day, she mentioned that she was pretty, and I wanted to say something about my suspicions so bad, but couldn't bring myself.
One day we were in the store and he got a call. He went off in a corner to take it. Later, he said it was her, that she'd noticed the For Sale sign on our home and wanted to know what was going on. I told him that it was odd that she was calling him, that I wondered why she hadn't called *me* to ask about the house. A few days later, she called and left a message on my cell. She said her housekeeper told her my husband had stopped by her house with our daughter but she wasn't home. This time, it made no sense for her to call me, if she was directly looking for him, and clearly has his number. It was as though he'd told her I'd been suspicious of her calling him, and asked her to call me next time. It was a game.
That day he brought her and the kids down to our backyard. When I came out she acted nervous, and was surprised when I gave her a hug. After a while, my husband walked her home. She needs an escort? He rarely displays that kind of chivalry toward me. Outside of the hug, I didn't engage either one of them and went off to do some tasks around the house. I didn't feel like playing whatever game they had going on.
I haven't spent much time with this woman, but one time she disclosed that her husband had been unfaithful when they were dating, and that he had been unwilling to marry her until recently, although they have three kids. This was a day when she'd invited herself to my house and was giddily looking at our wedding pictures--made a snide remark about how my husband looked younger than me--and asked lots of questions. Once, she said under her breath that "he has to do everything" when I mentioned that he does the laundry and floors. She may as well have said, "Your poor husband. You are a terrible wife."
I don't know what goes on between her and my husband, but today was the last freaking straw. I looked on his phone, and I saw a text message from her that said, "happy mother's day."
On Mother's Day, after church, my husband dropped us off at home, was in the house five minutes, and took off like a bat out of ******. He claimed he had to go into the office. We weren't talking much that day due to an arguement the previous evening over OW#1, but he doesn't work Sundays so that made absolutely no sense. I called him five minutes after he got on the road and asked him to come home so I wouldn't be stuck in the house. He said to give him 45 minutes because he had to pick up something at his office. When he returned, I took off to shop, and he stayed home with our daughter.
When I saw the text message today, it reminded me of his odd behavior. I almost went down to her house to ask her why she sent my husband that message. But then I decided to keep it cool, to go cry on a girlfriend's shoulder. Which is what I did.
Now, I need a game plan. I am sure that if I tell him I saw the text message, he will find a way to turn the tables on me. He will be infuriated that I was on his phone. He will say she was trying to text me, and dialed the wrong #. If I tell him-- aside from the fake call--she doesn't contact me, and ask him why she would send a text message instead of calling, he will go silent. And invariably somehow, blame me, and I will absorb it, and that will be that.
He just went off on a bike ride. My guess is, he'll be contacting her, wondering if she said something to me and the gig is up.
I don't want to be on anymore rides.
When I saw the message, he wasn't at home. When he saw me next, I was completely distant and I announced that I didn't want to sell our home because we need the equity. I told him that we need to go into counseling. After refusing for months to go with me, he agreed. He kept trying to get me to talk more, but I've been completely aloof.
Now, do I continue not talking to him? Do I tell him that I saw the message and fight it out with him? What do I do? I don't think will be able to get a counseling appointment until mid week. Please help!
