My husband and I dated 1.5 years, were engaged 1.5 years and have now been married 5.5 years. We married when he was 20 and me 23. When we met he was 17 and living with his parents and I was 20 and working full time, living on my own. He had no previous relationships, I had had plenty.

So we married and built a house. We are both in good careers and are financially stable. So what is the point of this post? WE ARGUE CONSTANTLY. I want to start a family and he isn't ready to. After lots of counseling and arguing and looking inside myself, I realize we married very young and never discussed how we wanted our married life to be. I wasn't expecting a walk in the park every day, but I had this stupid blind immature thought he wanted the same thing as me. And it is a slap in the face that he doesn't.

Even after counseling and seeing that I feel we are at this point in our marriage because we didn't talk, he still does not want to discuss the future with me. He says until I am happy in my career and life, he doesn't want to think about kids. Well, I feel that every day is the same for me, and I have nothing to look forward to except work the next day and the next and the next. I am restless and feel rejected that he wouldn't want to even humor me with talk of our future with having kids. I know he wants them but he won't say when or even discuss it with me at all.

I turn 29 next month and though I am not old, my clock is ticking and my dream of being a mother before 30 is nearing. I am terrified.

Any men or women out there that can shed light for me? I am so sad and wonder why he won't even discuss it with me.

Cupid, please post this on the Emotional Needs section. You'll see a lot more action there. And this is an emotional need: Family Commitment. In your case, it's the willingness to discuss and possibly begin the process of having a family.

As to why he won't discuss it, I think you know. He doesn't want to have children now. There could be deeper issues you need to explore like does he want to have children at all? It's on thing to say you want kids in the future when you're 20, and another when you're 25 and know the sacrifice it entails. Then, there's another question. Is he unwilling to discuss it because he feels uncertain about the marriage? It seems to me, if you two are arguing and are already in MC, your husband is smart in tabling the discussion. It is not wise to bring a child into a marriage that has troubles. It is not wise to intentionally bring a child into a marriage when one partner is unenthusiastic about it.

I know this isn't what you want to hear. I'm sorry.

Get to the root of it now. If your husband doesn't want children ever, or not for 10 years, it's better to know now. Then, you can decide what you want and need to do.

If he's uncomfortable with bringing a child into your marriage, then you need to go back to MC. Not to "fix" him, but to see what changes you can make to improve the marriage.

BTW, out of curiosity, what happens if you don't discuss starting a family? Do you still argue?

If you argue constantly, then, for the most part, it's not a good time to bring children into the marriage...children can somehow catalyze the miracle of healing...but then it's a miracle, and not the normal route.

Most likely, neither one of you really feels heard. If you were to really listen to your husband and really do everything you can to summarize his viewpoints and just accept them for what they are...you may even be able to access your orinal love for one another.

His views may be "weather dependent," meaning that he doesn't want to go out and "play" if it's raining.

Don't change the weather by "being nice." Observe the change in the weather as you truly seek to understand your husband.

Let him "be stubborn" (in your opinion). Understand his stubborn-ness...validate it...tell him "You know, from your perspective, I can understand why you'd insist on that.."

Soon, your relationship will become soft and pliable. But I think you need to seek to understand him first.

Best,
D--