I'd be willing to bet that you are very likely wrong about that too, but whatever...Regardless, I find it incredibly pompous of you to state such a thing on an open board at MarriageBuilders, where WE are GUESTS and JustUss is a VOLUNTEER giving of herself so that we are allowed the privilege of posting here...Not only do you flaunt what you *think* you know, but then you go on to boldly admit that you have spread this gossip via email to at least one other MB member...WOW...That's a whole new brand of rude...

Mrs. W

LMAOPMP

Sometimes this place makes me laugh out loud

Believer,

You ask a legitimate question and your POV is well taken. It w/b nice if all BS' could refrain from any sex with the WS.

Personally, I believe there is NO SF with a WS but yet the performance of the act is what was done in moments of weakness. This is what I see happening to many a BS.

RE: After the act, there is no positive 'fulfillment'. Instead anger and betrayal is what is often experienced as the BS sees the WS go off and off the OP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

The moments of weakness is when the BS and family are most vulnerable. Whether physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or even financially, the rape of the M and family is what hits the hardest. The physical negative affects c/b STDs, the emotional, mental and financial effects are also devastating.

All negative effects from the A is bad. Sometimes the BS contributes in those negative effects in an effort to save their M.

What I have learned is that it actually takes a while to get to the point where our mind and heart are in sync enough to where we can stand up to the WS and NOT let the A control us.

The day I stood up to the Ws and told him that 'he taught us how to live without him and as a result, we will survive', that day took me off that beaten road and put me on the road to personal recovery at a higher level.

I know we should still warn everyone about the hazards of any sexual contact with a WS w/o getting tested. Even after our recovery, I had H go for STD testing. He was embarressed but knew it was a requirement for our M.

JMHO,
L.

Thank you Believer. I have to agree with you in regard to having sexual intercourse with your spouse post discovery. I, like many others did make the mistake in having sex with my husband and 5 years later, cost me a hysterectomy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I had the std tests once I found out, but unfortunately for me, the std was not discovered at that time or in subsequent testing until it was too late.
I advise any new BS NOT to have sexual contact in any form with their spouse until the testing has been done on both parties, and not just once either. Even with testing, they need to understand that some of the common std's are not picked up right away, and years later can cause ramifications that you are not expecting.

So, Sandi, you are suggesting the BS wait 5 years for STD test results before resuming intercourse with the WS?


Like most people who did not know their spouse was adulterous, I had regular intercourse with my WH during his affair. STD testing was not done until ~after~ D-Day ...Which is testing after the fact, most of the time.

It seems likely that Miss cervix has already been introduced to Mr HPV.

A few post D-Day pre-STD screening *boinks* are not going to make a big difference in the long run.

ESPECIALLY with STDs not easily detectable.

PLUS ... I was NOT a virgin when I married .... I may have been exposed pre-marriage !!!!!!!! (not speaking of your experience in this matter, just my own)

And Sandi, you need to know, I will joke/tease you like anyone else ... so get ready ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
YOU are not off limits for any reason, including and not limited to the number of posts under your belt, your sign on date, your marital status, your sexual orientation, your religion, your being cuter than me. We are a dysfunctional family here Sandi, and like any family, we knock each other's corners .... each getting smoothed down in the process. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I am QUEEN hunny, coz I said so.

Want some really ~juicy~ gossip?

I have privately emailed Mel ... and then... I secretly sent an article of clothing to HER HUSBAND in the mail !!!!!!

*gasp*

I can do this BECAUSE I an QUEEN of the WORLD

..... actually, I was thinking about YOU driving to work today ... listning to the radio they mentioned the 2 top cities on the terrorist "hit list" .... my city .... Los Angeles and Melbourne !!!!!!!!!!!

noooooooooooooooooooo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

No Pep,
I am not suggesting that a spouse wait 5 years. I am suggesting strongly that both partners get tested , and once cleared, tested again. There is no way other than abstinence to assure that you don't pick up an std, and with some of the ones that we know that don't show up right away, well, you don't get any guarantees at all.
But before anyone decides to have sex with their spouse, know the chances you are taking. If I had suspected that I had reason to be concerned, I would have attempted to protect myself as much as possible if I had chosen to continue our sexual relationship as I did.
I was lucky in that it only was a hysterectomy that I had to have. It could have easily cost me my life. Had I not been diligent about my own body, it could have cost me much more.
Maybe my recommedation needs modification, in that if you are going to choose to be sexually active with your spouse, be diligent about your own health care, and be proactive.
Does that sound better?
Sandi

Sandi

You are exactly correct



body condoms for all!


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Personally, I'm becoming so THRILLED with my WILD AND POWERFUL SIDE these days..becoming a BAD INFLUENCE on people and all that...HAVING CONTROL OVER WHAT PEOPLE DO AND SAY IN THEIR LIVES...NO, I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD..DIVA WHEN I DRIVE MY CAR WITH SHADES...

I'm a REHABILITATED Little Miss Perfect...ANTYWAYS...

I'm not feeling like I will have a lot of discussions about this anymore..

But I do HAVE THIS QUESTION:

My H was having an affair lasting over two years before D-Day. I was continuing to have REGULAR SF with him ALL THAT TIME...at least ONCE A WEEK..not as often as before his A..or NOW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

That being said, what sense or difference would it make to STOP once I discovered the A..Now that I know that I MIGHT CONTRACT an STD although I haven't as yet I'm gonna STOP having SF with you.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I DON'T GET IT...and that was some GOOD STUFF, too, during that time...VERY STEAMY and PASSIONATE... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Because not stopping SF with an ACTIVE WH feeds their ego and sense of entitlement.

Hey, at least you made his wayward time *very* enjoyable for him. More power to ya.

mimi,

We've had this discussion before and you are right, no sense having it again. But for the record, I still want to say I am happy you dodged that bullet.

Other BS have actually died from that same bullet. But I am happy you did not.

I dodged it too, sort of. Several unexplained minor infections of various ilk during the decade of the VLTA, but nothing of mortal consequence. Man, I look back now and marvel at how babe in the woods I was about STDs. I mean, they just don't happen to married people, right? I sure was stoopid.

With prayers,

PS: Hey, what I really want to know is why have at least two threads disappeared entirely in the last couple of days?

And I ENJOYED it, too..at least I had SOME GOOD TIME out of it..

Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Just a word of what I've learned from experience, both in RL and here on this board for many years.

When a BS wonders why should they stop having SF with a cheating spouse after D-Day when they know they've already been exposed to the OP's gunk....

Well, I have seen too many times to count (90%? of cases here), when a WS is in cheating mode they somehow come across a second or third Soul Mate much to everyone's surprise. This equates to lots of OPs' GUNK shared with an unwitting BS.

I just find it interesting a BS would knowingly trust someone with their life who is in full blown "lying" mode. [color:"blue"] "Yes honey, I only slept with her, no one else". [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BTDT
Jo

I see what you're saying, Jo...

(Sighing) I don't want to go down this road again..but I WAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE FOR SEVERAL DIFFERENT REASONS that she was the only other one (GAG)...IN MY SITUATION...one thing was that it surely WAS NOT about SF with her..I don't think this was a primary EN that she fulfilled...SHE WAS HIS "SOULMATE"..that's on a HIGHER LEVEL than SEX, you know... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> YUK..I hate to think about this today...

That being said, WHAT OTHER REASONS to STOP? If there are anymore?

Lest we not forget even if you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt there's only 1 OP, why would you trust the OP's fidelity (a person with no moral compass) to your WS by continuing to have sex with them????

They call it a tangled web of lies for a reason, and a BS health hangs in the balance if you choose to physically participate.

JMVHO,
Jo

BINGO, JO!! That answers my question. I just recently realized that SHE probably was doing it with somebody else..and therefore, I WAS at RISK..this middle-aged brain hadn't thought of that...

When he finally broke it off with her, I ACTUALLY HEARD HER SAY TO HIM.."I'll BE F...ing TONIGHT" and the look on his face showed he believed her..YUCK..THAT HO...It makes me IRRITATED that my H was with someone like that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

OW my H was screwing was married ... so there is THAT ... and then, the cherry on top , who knows who her husband was "doing"

yuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Yes Mimi, you can be sure during his affair with her whenever she suspected he was having sex with you, she would make sure to have sex with someone else and make sure he knew about it.

Typical OW tool of choice, jealousy. Which clearly placed your health in jeopardy.

Thank God you are healthy and your marriage is recovered from that terrible time in your life.

Here's to your continued happiness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Jo