Hey guys,
I am sorry to have to return to this website after all these years. Nothing against you guys, just hoped to be done with this matter...but glad to see you were still here and I even recognized some names! Anyway, forgive me I have forgotten some of the lingo or abbreviations. Here we go. 5 yrs ago I found out about oc, after husband had to start paying cs. At the time she was 9mths old and we had two children 7 and 2, and I was pregnant with the third. There has really been no contact with oc. On birthdays and Christmas we buy her gifts, and that is about the extent of it. OW is not married, never has been. From time to time she pops up out of the blue with some off the wall question, I guess just to let us know she is still around but for the most part she has settled down over past year or two. She works in same building as H but he says he never sees her, and if he does he is good about telling me of any contact at all, whether it is email or whatever. He told me last week he received an email stating that she moved and that was it. She is required by the judge to notify him of her whereabouts. She has made statement in past that she will never allow oc to be around me. My children do not know about affair or oc. They are now almost 13, 7 and 4. Today she called H crying that the school called her and also called him that their was a problem at school with oc. I told H he didn't need to get involved, politely tell her that he hasn't been involved and talking to oc probably wouldn't help since he didn't really know oc, it would be best if he allowed oc's grandparents etc help. So he decided I was right, he included me in the discussion from the beginning. He called her and then decides he has to go over there. Keep in mind she just moved. I was upset that "we" had decided that he was going to stay out of it and after two minutes on phone with ow he totally changed his mind. So he goes over to see oc and discusses problem, he invites me to go, but I didn't feel like getting involved, and didn't think I would help anything. So he goes over and comes back feeling like he made a positive impact on the situation. He told me he went to help a child, not because he was oc's father, and that is not the role he went to portray. Anyway he comes back home and of course we squabbled. He remained calm, reassuring me every step of the way that he loved me. I am not afraid of him and her, I think that was just a huge mistake and the man I am married to now is not the same man who committed that mistake! Here's the big kicker...he forgot to tell me she moved less than a mile from me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am furious she has always lived about 15 to 20 minutes away, now OC will be in the same school as my children. OW could potentially end up with oc at the same dance or sports complex as my child! I have tried so hard to protect my family and my children but now I don't know what to do? What can I do?? I was so excited that we were buying a new house here in our neighborhood, I just graduated from school, H and I are doing wonderful and wham!! Look what just landed in my lap. I am so angry. All I can do is cry. H keeps telling me remember it is not my fault, I am just as upset as you are. I won't even go in any place or store near where she used to live for fear of running in to her and oc, now what?? we will use the same grocery store for crying out loud. Please help! I am so glad to find you guys again, you can talk all day long, but until you find someone who has walked in your shoes, it's just not the same! Sorry if there are tons of typos, I am on a role.

((yelo)) I was not around when you were but I certainly can sympathize. May I ask why you chose to never tell your children about the A/OC? I am afraid it may be time if the OC has any idea who her daddy is. Second question, does your H want to be involved now that he has taken that step? Maybe this is a good time to consider visitation and trying to integrate OC into your family.

Either way I send cyber hugs to you. I would freak if our OW moved into our neighborhood.

At the time my children were to young to understand. My oldest daughter was very close to her dad and still is and not so much me. She cannot stand her siblings and I was afraid finding out she had more would devestate her. So I chose not to tell them. H told me he made a decision long ago not to see her and he wasn't changing his mind now. Said he went over to help with a problem in which he would have helped with no matter who the child was not just oc. He said he went as an adult helping a child not as oc's father. Yes, oc does know he is her father, I guess.. I'm not really sure what she has been told. OW would never allow visitation as long as I am around, that is kind of her leverage, if H wants to see oc it must be without me, and it must be on her grounds which is her house. Not going to happen. I don't know what to do at this point? Can I file a restraining order against her? Or does she have to threaten me? Anything to keep her away from my kids. I honestly think she is a stalker, she can tell me my life history, every car I have ever had. I don't know if someone is telling her my info or what but she sure knows an awful lot about me and my family. Even things that have happened to me personally since A ended, she knows details. I think my husband's co workers may be feeding her details but still that is creepy.

An RO might work given the circumstances but I do think you and your H are going to need to consider telling your kids. This is not something you want them to find out on the playground.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You do know that OW has no legal standing in her bid to keep you away from OC, right? All your H has to do is go to court to fight it. It sounds though like you have chosen NC for your family, so that would be a waste of family resources.

move away from there!

this OW is planning some hanky-panky

trust not one hair on OW's head .... she is going after your husband AGAIN

if your H starts acting "funny" hire a PI

link to discussion about restraining orders ...

HERE

you would have a hard time selling a restraining order to a judge seeing as how your husband went to see OW of his own free will !!!!!!!!!!

Be very very watchful of your husband ... he is not keeping YOUR best interests primary in his life ....
BE CAREFUL
BE WATCHFUL

do not fight/argue with him
just keep your eyes/ears open

Yelo,

Hi! Sorry that you are having this crisis. I don't know you. I found this site about 6 months ago. My H's oc is just over 2yrs. My children do not know about A or OC. I have moved across the country to try to protect them from OW. I would never allow my H to meet with OW again, not even for "a child". This is not any child, this is OW's child. Her chain to yank for your H. We have NC whatsoever with OW. ALL contact is to be through the attorney. Your H should not be running to her place to help, and should have NC reinstated.

Some people believe that eventually you will have to tell your COM about OC. I don't want that day to ever come for my children's sake. I understand you not wanting it to occur for yours. However, if they are going to be in the same neighborhood, I would bet the OW will make sure they know. Especially no that your H has come to rescue the OW because her child had a problem at school. She has made sure that OC knows who "daddy" is. The OC will expose to your children if OC discovers that "daddy" is COM dad also (school concert, ballgames, etc.) I am very sorry for you. I feel your anger, and gut wrenching. If you are not able to get away from the OW (move) then you are not going to have much choice.
I agree with Pep, BE VERY CAREFUL, WATCH YOUR H!!

((((yelo)))

Hugs to you,

FTS

?

Do you see the ambiguity here? I agree with the other's to watch what is going on.Not only did your H disrespect your family and marriage but he did not protect your marriage or you either.He calls the OW under the premise of the child problem that she should have handled HERSELF if there was NC.I wouldn't doubt that the OW still has aspirations to get your H to be her H one day.These people hang on for eternity.Always hoping,secretly aspiring,waiting.Just read the TOW board and you can see it,it's grotesque.

If you both agree to NC then he shouldn't be running over to "help",OC or not an OC.That just sounds like a lie.He had a desire to be there for some reason and he's now taken a step back onto that proverbial slippery slope.

So,they still work together in the same building but he claims to never see her and now she is ever closer to invading your home life.I would consider moving too.

Edited to Add:

I keep going back and rereading your post and I am wondering: what on earth is he doing STILL being in contact with this OW??? E-mails,phone calls,out of the blue as you said but,how why is this being allowed? You need to go back to the table,talk about what contact with OC if any should be alllowed,how you would handle it to best protect your marriage and family and then stick to it! If there is supposed to be NC then your H has been breaking it left and right.Change phone numbers,e-mails,the works.That is standard MB protection rules.

i'm just concern why she suddenly pops from outer space and have chosen to live in the same community. Sounds pretty scheming.

I also agree with the observations re your h breaking nc ---i think this is only the start -- she is planning other things and she may lure him to her using oc as her weapon.

Have you thought of establishing paternity through dna and then going to court to legalize the matter? Maybe its also time to open up to your kids -- better than them hearing them from elsewhere... just my thoughts though...

If you could move out, i think that's the best alternative otherwise protect your family and be extra watchful.

sending you cyber hugs...

denise