ouch !

He11 no. That is not a slip, that is the behavior of a person who has no interest in giving up the affair.

I thought so.

How the ****** ya been?

Lem

WHO

So he comes here and posts this "question" on a board where he know you will read it????

Passive agressive?

Gaslighting you...after all...YOU are the crazy one making a big deal out of nothing...because, after all, YOU weren't meant to see the email. Further, if you hadn't gone NUTS at the reunion...none of this would have happened. I got it, It's YOUR fault WHO.

Did he actually want help??? What was he expecting posting this here?? Guess only he can tell us.

Mr. Wondering

good thanks! Good to see ya around! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the valuable feedback. A real eye opener; very stunning to see how out of tune with my own actions I have been. I am in fact, very proud of my wife; she is a good, decent, special woman who did not deserve to be treated the way she was by me. I am still a little in shock from the replies, and think I have a lot of soul-searching ahead of me. Will keep my eye on responses for clues as to how I need to proceed from here. Only hope I can help the person who has been blameless in all this get through it.

Another MB lesson to be learned:

REUNIONS (not to mention, Classmates.com) are dangerous grounds for married persons.

If you both are enthusiastic about it...be careful how much you drink AND have a well thoughout plan for protecting your very valuable marriage.

Mr. Wondering

skirmisher, the first step is radical honesty and the little issue of trying to hook up with these women. What has happened here? Are you a serial cheater?

skirmisher,

I realize you are in damage control mode here, but I hope you truly do strive to fix that which is broken within you.

I didn't actually try to hook up with either of the women in question; the issue was the message about them that I sent to a male friend (which was bad enough). I never followed up with either of the women in any way, however. Like I said, given my history, I did not think it would be reasonable on my part to maintain any contact with them at all. And neither was a former girlfriend or anything of the kind.

In any case, I didn't park my wife in a chair and troll for chicks; where I did a terrible thing was not being nearly as sensitive to her in the presence of others as I should have been. Realizing I had crossed that line is what prompted me to leave the event. Needless to say, I won't be going to any more of them, either; should have realized it was a bad idea.

I'm not trying to insult you. I'm really not. My best friend in life has a very similar behavior. It makes me sad to say it's led him toward a very unfullfilling path.


Again. I think you are trying to diminish and hide your true intentions. You asked for an email address, you were looking to open communication.

Your wife knows this. We here all know this. Be honest with us and we can give advice, but if you continue like this, it's pointless to continue the charade.

Does this kind of [censored] work for you usually? It is clear to me that you just say what you need to say to stay out of trouble. But your words are not sincere and don't match your actions. That much is clear. I am just wondering if this usually works for you, because I can see right through it. Does it work on WhoMe?


That doesnt work after reading an email where you "ignored" her and said this about her:

"Yeah, well ... WIFE took one look at AAAA and CCCC and then started to have a meltdown. I was lucky to stay there there as late as 10 as it was. Might have made it to 11 if they were not collectively fairly stunning, but they were, so that was that.

Tell AAAA I am going to move to [where she lives], convert to [another religion] so I can take more than one wife, and marry her and CCCC. Then, I will work as a mercenary or something in order to maintain a decent household for us. "

How do you reconcile what you say here with what you say when you think no one is looking? Is this how you keep your wife on the farm? By telling her what she SEES is NOT what she sees? Do you tell her she is crazy?

I can clearly see that you were trying to hook up with these girls. you said: "Just kidding. Don't tell her that. Just send me her email address and I'll write her myself. " This is after the lead in where you trash your own wife, a typical WS tactic to set the stage for adultery.


And here is what you said to your friend: "Yeah, well ... DDDD took one look at AAAA and CCCC and then started to have a meltdown.[/b] I was lucky to stay there there as late as 10 as it was. Might have made it to 11 if they were not collectively fairly stunning, but they were, so that was that. "

Realizing your wife was having a meltdown from your cruel behavior is why you left, not because you realized you "crossed the line" of sensitivity. You weren't remorseful at all, only annoyed at her.

See how none of this matches up with what you are selling here? Its not even good bullcrap. Do you want to try again?

What do you mean you did not try to hook up with either of them??? You said tell her blah, blah, blah blah. No, just give me her e-mail and I'll tell her myself.

That is what I would call trying to hook up with her. Do you mean you were not successful in hooking up with her? Did your "friend" give you her e-mail adddress?

lake

Sorry, didn't mean to be unclear. Yes, my friend passed on the email addresses to me. No, I didn't do anything with them.

I see incredibly low self esteem here...I see you as someone who desperately needs the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself...I think that's what you were searching for at the reunion...I think if the opportunity would have presented itself for another affair you'd have gone for it too...The ego boost would have been too powerful for you to have resisted-you may lie and tell yourself otherwise, but think back to how the first affair began...think about how you felt about yourself then...felt like a pretty big man I'll bet...young...sexy...the works...you have failed miserably in fixing yourself since your affair...don't kid yourself, it was NEVER about what was lacking in your marriage, it's always been about what's lacking in you...What are you going to do to fix YOU?

Pretty fair assessment, wouldn't you say?

Mrs. W

Okay this was the last piece of the puzzle for me. This thread is all about damage control. Poster knows BW reads here. Hopes to strike first and get as much positive spin as possible rather than have to go on the defensive. If BW had not been a member here, I might see this differently. As it is, this guy is just cruising. It is a good strategy. Get friend to contact potential OWs to see if there is any interest. If not, WH can always claim it was a misunderstanding. If so, well off he goes.

Faithful men just don't normally do these kinds of things. Not even in jest.

WhoMe,

I am sorry if anything I have said upset you. I had no clue who was posting or that you were a member. I hope you are doing okay.

And just for the record, if my WW had sent an email like this and, if it were with a new OM rather than the original OM and, if not and then it had been the original OM and, if it were a Tuesday and, if the moon was in the seventh house or maybe even the sixth since that wouldn't be too far away and, if Jupiter aligned with Mars and, if this were not all hypothetical claptrap that has no basis in reality and is therefore nonsensical rambling then, yes, I would most definitely maybe possibly divorce my WW - given the right circumstances, of course.

Then again, as my father used to say, if frogs had a glass [censored], they wouldn't hop so much.

Ever been to a cockfight in Mexico? I have - plenty. It is always the people who don't have a rooster in the fight that yell the loudest.



Oh and for the record, Mr. W is technically right. He is ever the optimist and I respect that. I just doubt it will ever happen. But he is very smart so I would listen if I had started this thread. Skirmisher - you need a cold b!tch-slap of reality. There is going to come a time when you are no longer attractive to ANY woman. You may hop from one woman to the next. But when that day finally comes, who is really going to be with you? If it is the OW that you have had the most recent one year affair with, what on earth are you going to find to talk about? That will get pretty boring pretty fast.

Wow skirmisher...it's usually not my style to hand out 2 x 4's...but you've messed up HUGE. What were you thinking?

Look, I'm a FWW who has made some terrible choices myself and caused my DH much pain (also last year after contact was broken <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />). I'm married to a wonderful, loving, faithful & respectful husband who has always been this way towards me...and therefore I don’t know the pain and devastation of being betrayed by a spouse (and may God help that I’ll NEVER experience that kind of pain), but let me tell you this skirmisher: If it was my H who has send a message like that to a friend, it would have been a very huge betrayal to me and it would have definitely reveal to me that my H silently have a fundamental lack of respect for me and that he was actively, intentionally and consciously looking for someone to have an A or inappropriate interactions with (or that he at least entertained or still entertaining such thoughts).

Now, I think if I was in your W’s shoes and saw an e-mail like that after 4 years in recovery with a supposedly FWH, it would destroy my trust and I think it would have been a deal breaker for me...I think I would probably call it quits.

You see skirmisher, the fact that you received the e-mail address from your friend and did not contact the woman don’t mean much and is irrelevant… Why? Because you’ve already entertained inappropriate and adulterous thoughts about those 2 woman AND you’ve verbalized your adulterous thoughts/fantasies in the e-mail to your friend…and on top of that you’ve spoken very disrespectful of your W…and THAT’S the betrayal skirmisher… You’ve betrayed your W on THREE levels with this e-mail and adulterous thoughts about the women... Can you see that?

I really hope you will continue to do deep & intense soul-searching and do all you can to become the type of man that will respect your W in mind/thought, body and soul... To become the type of man she deserves...a man who will show commitment and respect for his W towards his friends and members of the opposite sex...especially when she’s not present and can’t hear/read what he's saying.

Good luck.

I'm glad Skirmisher hasn't "run away" yet. I hope he finds a good psychotherapist to address his deficiencies and vulnerabilities; I think there's hope as he didn't take off at the first truths being communicated to him.

Yes BringItOn, that's really a very positive sign and because of that, I have hope for him too - that’s why I took the time to send him my own type of 2 x 4!