Hi this is all new and scary so please bear with me....

my husband told me he was having an affair about 3 wks ago and life since then has been an emotional roller coaster.
One minute he's tellling me he's leaving her and gonna "try to be a good boy" next minute he's with her again.

we have 2 kids at home I told them about it, my family knows, i've told my coworkers, intend to have a talk with his mom soon.
his coworkers know and are in awe that i am still with him and we still have a sex life (much better now than in a few years) ironic isn't it?
she is also a coworker. weekends go great for us then by sunday evening i can feel him emotionally pulling away i guess because he will see her all week long at work.
I spoke to her she said she would stop seeing him (LOL)
this part i'm almost positive is normal to an extent for just finding out.
i haven't read any of the books listed on this site i just accidentally found it today.

we have been together 15 yrs
married for 14

I love him with all my heart and do not wish him to leave.
these r my options as i see them(well not true more as he stated them)
1. he stays, nothing changes he still sees her
2. he stays, i allow her into our bed nothing changes
3. he leaves(but only if i throw him out he's unwilling to go on his own)

this part gets harder ....

i started out as his mistress 15 yrs ago, always wondered if he would cheat but since he had not in 15 years i figuered he wasn't about to start (shame on me for thinking)
i know many people will frown at this point because of how our marriage began but believe me it makes it no less painful
i guess i've run out of bravery
thanks for 'listening'

Hi Deep in Love,
I was in the exact situation as you for the past 7 months. It was weird reading your post as it described what I went through exactly. My husband was having an affair and told me he was leaving in November. He told me he was unhappy and we talked about all of the reasons why. I accepted responsibility for my part in not meeting his needs mostly by being controlling, nagging and not pleasant to be around a lot of the time. But I still loved him and told him that. He never did leave but continued seeing her for months going back and forth like your husband saying he was gong to end it and then saying he loved her and he couldn't. I worked on meeting his needs even though it was killing me inside. He said he noticed the difference in me but we would still fight about his not leaving her. Our sex life also got better and I felt the same way as you. Our weekends would be good and then I know he would see her during the week. I know he was scared I would go back to being the way I was.
It actually started getting better when I started telling people. Once it was more out in the open, it seemed to take a toll on their relationship. The fun was in the secrecy. When we talked about what his options were, he very slowly started to realize that he didn't want to trade his family in for a new one. He has since ended it but because I know he loves her I still have the fear they will get in contact again.
I remember my only wish being that he would end it so I suppose we are moving forward but every step is difficult. I feel your pain but I know that your husband will eventually see the light and realize he doesn't want to lose you. If he wanted to leave he would have already.
Your hard part was previously being his mistress. My hard part is that this is not his first affair. He has had several. The difference is that this is the first time I've taken any responsibility for my part in why he has affairs. He had a few when we were first married but hasn't for 7 years now. I didn't think I did anything wrong and didn't need to change. I'm not taking responsibility for his choices and I know he has changes to make as well, but I do acknowledge that I played a part.
My advise to you would be to try to meet his needs as best as you can, but meet your own as well. I started exercising and losing weight and that has really helped me deal with the stress. Not to mention my looking better helped lure him home too. So keep as positive an outlook as you can under the circumstances. I wish you all the best and I'll check back and see how you're doing. I don't think you should give up either!

HeCheatedAgain