deepinlove
You don't need to put yourself at risk to keep him "satiated" so he "won't want to go to her."

Affairs aren't about sex-you should know that. They are fantasies and infatuations that become addictions. It's the rush of the affair, the risk and the secrets. That's why you are being told to expose to OWH.

Your WH is addicted. Just like he was when you were his mistriss. Now he is getting an affair "fix" with his new adultery partner. He is also "cake eating" as many put it here. He gets some needs met by you, some by her, and he is happy on his fence.

If you want to save your M, you need to do what the folks here are suggesting. You need to read the Harley books and learn about Plan A/Plan B and expose the A.

It's sad that your story confirms another Dr. Phil truth
"If they'll do it With you, they'll do it TO you."

so, Chrisner if you ended up in a divorce and 15 years later your ex's op shows up here, you want us all to make nice and help them salvage their marriage?

put your self in the position of the Betrayed Spouses whose exes are in marriages with the op.

My suggestion to you is this...Call Steve Harley at the Coaching Center-I know that he can and will help you...Click "Coaching Center" at the top of the page to find out more information...I would also suggest reading Surviving An Affair and His Needs/Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley...You can purchase both from this site...

I do not think it is wise for you to seek counsel here and I'll tell you why...You are in an AFFAIR MARRIAGE...This is a site full of the VICTIMS of adultery...The marriage you are in is the WORST nightmare of most of the people here...You get that, right? It is painful to see you try to fix something that you destroyed others to have in the first place...Your presence is not only hurtful to betrayed spouses here, but it is harmful for any wayward spouses reading here...When a WS reads your story, what they see is that you got the "ultimate prize" because you married your affair partner-Make no mistake about it, they won't see that your life is now in shambles because of it...Nope, because all WSs believe themselves to be UNIQUE, they will only see what they want to see in your story, ie THAT YOU GOT YOUR MAN! I think it cruel for you to seek help in this venue...Dr. Harley likens infidelity to RAPE...You being helped here is like counseling a rapist in front of the rape victims...

I am sorry for your pain...You do understand that you were a volunteer for this though, right? You really shouldn't be surprised that you find yourself in this position...You know the old saying, "what he'll do with you, he'll do to you"...I hope that you find peace someday...

Mrs. W

Mrs. W,
thanks for putting it so nicely. I was trying, but it just wouldn't come out that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So chrisner, are you saying that the there is a statute of limitations on adultery? Seriously? When did this "relationship" stop being an affair???

Mrs. W

From Penalty Kill

Word for the day: misogyny

Here's my question: While I understand why some posters on this site find affair marriages to be painful, why are only the female posters in affair marriages asked not to post? Just Jilly was asked to leave, and now deepinlove4life.

And yet, the ManFromZog is getting plenty of advice on his thread; it's four pages long and no one's asked him not to post. He's in an A marriage too.

Personally, I think that if you find a poster or his/her thread distasteful it's pretty easy to ignore them. I do it all the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Out of curiosity, did this "union" produce any children?

Mrs. W

P.S. I tried to be nice "MoFo", (*snicker* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) but I gotta tell ya that AFFAIR MARRIAGES coming to this arena for help doesn't make me feel very nice at all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Didn't know that PK...I don't read every thread...Personally, I like to voice my opinion on things that I consider very serious breaches of decency...

JMHO...

Mrs. W

Supposedly his work is aware but I'll check into that too.

Mrs. W,

Your advice to this woman was as always of sage wisdom. And I can see very clearly now this can be a very inappropriate place for a participant of an affair marriage to seek advice. No, I agree there would be no statute of limitations in these circumstances. Although I believe I have seen the precedent set prior, I humbly bow and retreat from this thread. Moveforward, I apologize as I have offended you.

From Penalty Kill


I understand. But much is made of the doing things the Harley way here, and I'm quite sure that deepinlove4life would receive counseling from them if she signed up for it.

I don't think that the answer to affair marraiges on the board is to chastise each one that comes on - it's a waste of people's time and effort. Further, to punish a poster for honesty is distasteful IMO. Do we want to encourage posters to lie or omit truths? We've seen how well that works. Avoidance and silence speaks volumes, don't you think? Finally, as a FWW speaking to a FWW, I don't think that it's wholly appropriate for either of us to lecture someone else about their decency. That is not a slam; that's just my opinion, you are certainly entitled to a different opinion.

Take care.

I partially understand where you are coming from by saying I shouldn't be here asking for help
but on the other hand where else do people like me go?
and how long do I have to pay for ythe mistakes of my youth?


after we had been married 18 months, yes, this marriage produced offspring

partially understand where you are coming from by saying I shouldn't be here asking for help
but on the other hand where else do people like me go?
and how long do I have to pay for ythe mistakes of my youth?


after we had been married 18 months, yes, this marriage produced offspring

Penalty kill - manfromzorg or whatever his name is had the same reception.

I'm disappointed at the legitimisation of affair marriages here in any form - male or female. makes no difference to me.

It's all right though - I will be ignoring those people from now on.

or to be completely clear and blunt
anyone who helps someone in an affair marriage will quite happily help your WS and OP if they come here for help in the future while you and your children are abandoned.

Hiya PK

Does that rhyme with misandry? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had my head handed to me by a group that didn't want me to tell them what to post or to whom. And they were right and I was wrong; got emotionally overloaded by a particular situation. So now I am seeing that issue from a different perspective. I am taking a different path. I suggest to people who are being bombed that they have the option of reading and ignoring as they will.

I will forgive anyone who isn't a critter. Critters are different. They don't deserve to breath the same air as the rest of us. I forgave myself for some of the conditions that helped create a not so hot marriage when my wife went nuts and stuck her head up her fundament. I forgave her for being human and taking those 15 steps. I find it very easy to forgive affairees NOT for the hurt they inflict on others, but ultimately for the hurt they inflict on themselves. That darn karma bus has its day.

Since I am in a Heinlein quoting mood today, he said: "Sin is hurting others needlessly. Hurting yourself is just stupid." As the lady said, at one point in her life, she was young and stupid. I agree with the complete statement.

If you have an hour to kill, I got something for you. It is reading a thread on recovery and giving me an opinion. I asked Suzet to read the same thread.

Larry

PK...I happen to KNOW that she would receive help from the Harleys...I think that is just fine...Keep in mind that in doing so, there would not be an AUDIENCE of hurting VICTIMS or vunerable WSs in that situation...So, deepinlove4life, THAT is the answer to your question...CALL THE HARLEYS...

I personally do not feel that it is a waste of my time to state my opinion or try and run interference on behalf of the victims or the vunerable herein...That is simply my choice, wouldn't you agree?

Further, you are certainly most welcomed to speak directly to the poster in question if that is what your conscience allows...There is nothing I can do to stop you, just as there is nothing you can do to stop me from stating my position where this is concerned...

As far as my being a FWW is concerned, that is of NO consequence in this matter...That does not prevent me from being able to tell right from wrong now-I'm am KEENLY aware of just how wrong my past actions were-Perhaps that is why I am VERY sensitive to the possible harm of this type "relationship" being here-I know what it would have represented to me in a wayward mindset and just what I might have taken from it and how I would possibly have used it to further harm my family...Also BECAUSE I was a WW, I am now filled with huge amounts of empathy for BSs-I completely get just how horrible what I did was...I have turned from my sin of adultery...I have repented of that sin...I have returned to my one and only marriage...I am NOT in a wayward mindset and I do not identify with those that are...I am completely able to define and judge decency...I am not bound by the chains of that sin any longer PK, are you?

Mrs. W

"How long do I have to pay for the mistakes of my youth?"

IMO, for this particular mistake, which it wasn't at all you know, not a so-called mistake at all: forever and ever and ever and three days.

But that's just me. If you care to take it up with some of the defenders of affair marriages around here, they will tell you there is nothing to forgive or pay for in the first place, and then they will wish more power to you.

Besides, you haven't paid anything at all, yet. So far and for 15 years you have only reaped benefits from what you sole from another family.

Maybe it's time you apologized to your H's ex-wife. Made restitution and amends, finally. Maybe this is your wake up call from above. Maybe it's time you actually did pay something, even if it's only on the interest with nothing on the principal.

From Penalty Kill

Hi Larry!

Good Heinlein quote.

Is it the Bring It On thread from Tangled? If so, I'll do a search on it in the morning.

PK

DLL:

At the risk of offending any number of those on this forum who I respect, I will help you if I can. And unless one of the moderators decides to eliminate your threads and your ability to post, I operate under the assumption that you are welcome.

Here is what you said that is key"


Your situation is what it is. Yes, the Karma bus as driven up to your doorstep and dropped a load on you. Be that as it may, you have children at risk. And for me, that makes all the difference in the world.

How can I help you past what I have already said?

Larry

PS: Just please do not get in any negative discussion with those who want to ripe a slice of your hide off. Just understand where they are coming from and go on about your business. Remember, affairs are a gift that keeps on giving and I think you will probably understand that.