I am not sure I could ever take them off Believer.

I guess WH feels that way, because his ring came off the moment he walked out the door. I actually brought it up to him at work one day, and asked him to keep it close. I gave it to him because I loved him, and I didn't want him to forget that.

I sometimes regret that though, because I am not sure what he has done with it. He told me once it is in a drawer at work, but I don't know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Who had the great idea to go through our pictures and start scanning them?

Yep. Me. And now here I am, missing my life as it was a few months back. Missing the man I love.

I know I am in for a bumpy ride. A long road to recovery is out there. How do I find it?

It is better not to think about him, and especially not look at pictures. I put mine away for awhile. It was just too painful.

Instead, get busy DOING something.

lol, And here I thought I was. Had a big box of just scattered photos, so I figured why not re-organize.

This is why.

Hi Nowhere,

I just read your cry for help. I see that Believer has been helping you. She is very good.

I will read your sitch and give you my thought tonight or tomorrow.

You are not alone

Thank you very much UVA.

I just hate to see everyone arguing when all of that rage could be spent fighting the waywards of the world. lol

Don't worry about the arguing. That happens from time to time here, and then everything settles down again. People here have deep held beliefs about this infidelity stuff. You will discover that it is a life-changing event, and you will always filter your feelings through this experience.

So what did you do today, (besides look at pictures) to nurture yourself?

Yep. The pictures.

Well, today was a relaxing day for me. Sunday used to be my favourite day, because it was mine and my H's only day off together. We used to do our shopping for the week together, visit family, chill on the couch together and watch tv.

I hate Sundays now. (and will until this is all said and done)

Today, I cleaned, did laundry, looked through pictures, worked out, etc. I also did some reading here. A lot of it actually.

I just keep having a lot of self doubt.

Everyone has self doubt going through this. Why would you not? Here is someone who was supposed to love and protect you, and instead they stabbed you in the back.

That is why you need to continue doing things that add to your self esteem. You are doing a lot better than most.

Only having one day together can be a problem. The Harleys suggest spending 15 hours a week together doing fun things.

Well, one day and every evening. We spent a lot of time together. Friends always referred to us as one person.

Actually, funny story. We were out one night, and met this girl. Introduced ourselves by our first names, and this girl says, "Wait, are you blank and blank blank?" We said yes, and she says, "Too funny. Just by hearing that combination of your first name, I know who you are." She worked with WH's mom and has always heard about us.

But, anyway, yes, we spent well over 15 hours a week together. Always cuddling together watching a movie, going shopping, even working out.

We were inseperable.

He will be back. I think you can count on that. It probably has something to do with you getting together so young. He may feel he has somehow missed out on something.

And the more they are together, the sooner the affair will end. Togetherness is very hard on affairs. Just keep your good attitude. I made the mistake of going berzerko, and instead of ending the affair, it gave them a reason to cling to each other. Strangely, the affair ended less than 2 weeks after our divorce was final. It was almost like the affair needed the marriage to survive. Frank Pittman writes about that also.

I think that is part of the problem.

And, actually, I have a sneaking suspicion that he has moved in with her. And, I know, sick as it sounds, that is good.

She cannot compete with his memories of living with me. She will have no clue how to.

It is actually better if they do move in together. That ends it faster. There are a couple of posters here whose spouse is being shielded and protected from the reality of the affair because they live with parents or friends. That just makes the affair drag on and on.

I imagine you won't hear too much from your husband, and then suddenly what he has done will hit him.

Even my ex has always said that he wished the affair had never happened, and he would give anything to undo the damage.

Yeah, that was the problem I think. He was living at his parents house, and when this whole mess started, she was suddenly loving and supporting him (although, his dad was furious)

I have not heard from him in a few weeks. He tried to get a hold of me last week because he wanted to get his stuff (our stuff) but did not bother calling back again.

another thread jack- sorry. What does amount of college have to do with things? Are you all saying that if the WS is less educated and with lower success than the BS that could cause admiration issues?

Believer- do stressful things not related to the marriage create a climate for infedelity?

If you wanted to respond, I have another post on the forum.

Oh and nowhere to turn, my H was about to turn 30 before the affair. I think that had a lot to do with it. He began looking at his life saying I have spent ten years with my wife, is that how I want to spend other next ten? 30 is young enough to have mid life crisis if there are other things bothering him. I was a lot like you thinking things were great before the A, but FWH had bottled up emotions for many years, probaly for two reasons, #1 he has conflict avoidance, he would rather avoid teh issue than discuss it. #2 I got out everything during an argument, but he didn't (Have you ever seen FRENCH KISS with Meg Ryan- I can't picture her saying FESTER FESTER FESTER to the guy she meets. That is exactly what my H does he festers instead of discussing.) Anyways, lousygolfer has some great insight and I would love to here more about what he has to say about DJ during an argument. I have read HNHN and SAA about 6 times or more, but just can't seem to find the way out of our 2 year fight for our marriage.

Hope that I am not discouraging, I think that you are on the right track, otherwise, you wouldn't be here!

Thanks for letting me threadjack you!

Thanks cfc.

I know the 30 year thing has been nagging him. Like I said, we talked about it, and I told him it was just a number. Don't let it get you. A friend of mine has a brother that had the exact same issue. 30 years old, and starts an affair.

I remember Friends, when Rachel turned 30. It bugged her.

Also, my H has the conflict issues too. He always bottled up his emotions because his household growing up was filled with anger. He has a lot of parental issues, so he was always one to just let it fester. I like to get things out i nthe open... dealt with right now, then it is done. He was starting to come around to that way of thinking (after nearing 10 years)

Yeah ,the only problem is that H has started coming around and acting like I did in the beginning of our marraige- getting fiery with the irsh temper and that is not helpful. So glad that I have left that family gene in the past! Wish H would learn to do that now because when he does it, it has no point. He just gets angry with name calling and it doesn't help to resolve anything. Although after we read the why women leave men article, he has been saying, "See you should know that I care because I am not yelling."

One thing that I have found out here is that there are a lot of baby steps. My H has not left for another W, but I have had countless nights without him because he left for a weekend or a week, or the night. I know how you feel. I tried to keep a routine to help me have substance to the day. If I knew I had stuff to do, I would not think about it as much. My friends also kept me busy. Another thought is the OW married? Stick in there !

I don't think so. I don't know much about her.

The friend thing is hard, because ALL of our friends are married. I hate to impose on their lives. I have a few key friends who have really been there for me (us really)

I know there is no reasoning with the guy, so, I have to wait.

Are there any signs to watch for when he is slowly starting to come out of the fog? Or, is it just like when he left? Just hits like a ton of bricks with no warning?

I don't think so H sloooooooooooowly came out of the fog even after NC for a long time.

I am referring to him coming back. Is the fact that he sees what he did just going to hit one day like the day he left?