I have a question for those of you who are struggling with not having any love feelings for your S. What goes through your thoughts when you imagine your S moving on and happily married to someone else. I don't have a reason for asking other than it is so hard to imagine that love can go away so completely. I know I am a dreamer, a romantic and idealistic but it blows me away that something as big as what I thought love was is so very fragile. I also know my wife has been out of love with me for a long time.... like I said it's just so surprising to me even now.....<BR>

mkn,<P>It might seem like it happened fast to you, but probably to your wife, it was a slow eroding process. Anyway, that's my experience.<P>About your question -- I've actually thought about this before, and I'd have to say that my wife deserves to find happiness. I'm not giving it to her right now. If she wanted to leave to find it, I'd probably let her.<P>--andy

mkn--<BR>I was just thinking that on my way home from work. I was thinking what if my husband came home and said that he was in love with someone else and wanted to leave. I thought that I would ask him why he felt that he loved this other woman. I would ask him if he really felt that he had to leave. I was thinking to myself that I could let him go very easily.<P>But, I don't really know if that's true. It's almost like I want it to happen so that I would be able to figure out for myself if I really love him or not. You know the saying..."you don't know what you have until it's gone." Well, that's how I feel. I feel I'll never really know how much I love my husband until he's almost taken away from me.<P>It was easy for me to almost walk away before when I had someone else to turn to and my mind was clouded with "LOVE" feelings. But, it's so hard to say how I would feel if he left me...I just don't know.

It definitely was something that happened over time. In my situation, it was like a tiny piece at time, everytime we got into arguments and the issues we never resolved, just "swept under the rug". That really piled up inside of me. Communication is key, which is very difficult in my relationship.<P>I am very sensitive and I hurt easily, everytime he hurt me I felt I loved him alittle less or became angry at him inside and sometimes I felt like I hated him. They say there's a fine line between "love & hate" and I've been there.<P>I am also a dreamer and a romantic and when the OM came over he really "swept me off my feet". If my husband told me today he found someone else, I probably wouldn't put up a fight, maybe even be alittle relieved. I don't know. <P>If the OM told me he changed his mind, I'd probably be packing right now. <P>Love is powerful but yet very fragile, I feel it can only endure so much before it dies forever.

I would understand if my H said it, but I would just die: plain and simple.<P>We (my H and I) have both had an affair (see profile) but he never went "all the way" with the two women. I did once with the OM. My H resents that because he was a virgin when we married. He's never been with anyone else. It's tough. He tells me he wonders, and now he wishes he would have slept with someone while he was out of the house (he moved out for three weeks after discovery of my affair). It hurt when he said it, and I was also angry. But I did understand. <P>If the OM in my case came to me and said he'd actually left his W, I would be so pissed because he wouldn't do that while we were together. It might have mattered four months ago, but not now. That's awful for you to hear, I'm sure.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>