LMAO! I almost feel like asking these guys if I have a sign on my back saying "need a date!"

No clue what I am doing... but it makes me laugh.

How often does this happen?

I woke up this morning feeling like I just don't care. Pretty much wanting to just move on with my life. Feeling like if this continues for too long, I will feel like I wasted so much of my time trying to get him back.

I guess this goes hand in hand with being very angry with WH. How could he hurt me like this? And... to treat friends and family poorly too?

What he did to my sister bothers me alot. To hear how hurt she is. And, the fact that my WH's nieces and nephew were there and he ignored them too!!! His oldest niece loves him to death! She has told me that she wishes Uncle D Bomber (her nickname for him) would come home so they can play again. She is 5!!

Why would I want to have anything to do with someone so selfish?

I need to seriously take some time I think.

For you, I could see where moving on is a consideration..since you are young and have no children...

But, on the other hand, you have TIME to at least TRY WORKING THESE PLANS...

I feel for your FAMILY but what's most important is WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU...He is your HUSBAND and you stood before GOD and made a LIFETIME COMMITMENT to HIM...

Do you want to just HAND HIM OVER TO HER without a FIGHT?

No, of course not Mimi...

But, HE made that SAME promise. He made that commitment. And he threw it away for something that makes him "feel good"

Leaving me feel used, lonely, and scared.

He looked me in the eyes everyday and told me he loved me more than anything. He told me I was th best part of his life all of the time. He said these things. (and, when he was, he was sleeping with someone else)

He lied to me. He stole my trust for him from me. He made me feel worthless. He ruined me.

I will have a hard time ever trusting a man again. Whether it be him... or any future men in my life. He ruined that for THEM! It's not their fault.

He is watching me from afar, without a care in the world. It makes me sick. He abandoned me. And, I sit here crying over him. He doesn't deserve my tears. He did not earn them.

I just don't know how to feel.

Like I said, I THINK I can understand you walking away given your situation..

But all that you say about your WH WAS TRUE OF MINE and all the other WSes here..my H and I are recovered and VERY HAPPY....

Thank you Mimi.

I am starting to really dislike my WH now. He is not the man I love. I am just really starting to feel like I just don't care.

I don't want to see him. I wish I didn't know him.

And that hurts.

Yes. There is a LESSON in this for YOU..about life..about how BAD THINGS can HAPPEN..and you will be stronger for this...

I was talking to a soldier the other day and he said that WAR is harder for soldiers who never had anything BAD to happen to them in their life...

You will be MORE RESILIENT..you will be able to teach your children about making it through a difficult time..you will be able to warn them that BAD THINGS can happen...

But please know that this is about HIM..it's about HIM..don't let HIM cause you to PREJUDGE other men...

DON'T GIVE HIM THAT POWER OVER YOUR LIFE...

You are right Mimi... but I think subconsciously, it will happen on some level.

I just don't believe I have it in me to do this for very long.

A friend told me the other day that I am not the same person I was four months ago. She said I no longer am living under H's shadow... as I was before. I was always shy, quiet, etc. I am not today. I am not the same person my H met and fell in love with 10 years ago.

So many thoughts swirling in my head right now.

It's been a few days since I last wrote here.

I decided to take some time to do some serious thinking. Very serious thinking about this situation I am in... and the little hints and clues God has sent my way.

I think I was kidding myself. I had put a lot of things in my life on hold for my H. At first, he was not ready to start a family, and I agreed to go along with that. I have wanted children for a few years, and no matter how often we had SF, it did not happen.

It was not until just before I found out, that I had thought I may be pregnant. I was a month late, and so excited. But, it was nothing. My heart was broken. And, then all of this happened.

I realized the other day that the reason we had no children was because we weren't meant to have a family. Not together. And, that late period was a sign for me. And, it helped wake me up to something I had been ignoring for so long.

I had been willing to give up everything I had wanted from life for my love for my H. I was fooling myself.

I woke up on Saturday, and felt like I could not do this anymore. Not because I don't want to have my H back in my life, but because I don't need to. Not because I do not love him... because I do. I love him with everything I am. But, not in the way a wife loves their husband. Not anymore.

And, since I realized that, I have not felt any hurt anymore. No stress, worry, fear, etc. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can breathe easier.

I have changed so much in the past nearly 4 months. I've made new friends that I love. I am no longer as shy and inhibited in situations. I have no fear.

I woke up.

I will have a good life. Without my H. I will have that family I have been wanting all of my life. Have the relationship with friends I adore. And, I will love my future H with everything I have.

Thank you all for being a support system to me. For listening, and adding your opinions here and there.

LG, Believer, and Mimi... all three of you have helped me to come to this decision. Helped me to open my eyes to what I truly want in this world. I have re-read this thread from beginning to end... and I appreciate ALL of your words.

I am finally happy... for the first time in 4 months. I've been praying for a sign from God, and He delivered it for me. Loud and clear.

Noweheretoturn does not exist. I am now living for me. (and my future)

NWTT:

Now it gets interesting....

LG

NWTT

A quote for you-

"And now, with God's help, I shall become myself" Soren Kierkegaard.

You are on your way there!

LG? Interesting?

Thank you JT.

I realized I am such a different person now. Friends have commented. Hoping and praying my WH would return has not made me happy. Living life for me has.

NWT2:

Yep. Interesting.

You are getting stronger. Learning about yourself. Starting to see your R with WH through eyes that are no longer colored with roses. But with the reality that actually occurred in your M. Some of what you discover will not be pretty. And it may lead you to a decision to end your M to WH.

Or, you just might get the determination to really fight this thing. Decide that, all in all, this M is worth having. And becoming the shining beacon of what your H really wants from you.

So, Now it gets interesting.

LG

I see what you mean... but I am serious when I say there were no problems in my marriage expressed to me. I wish you could ask people that know us exactly how WH felt about us.

I talked with someone today that was completely shocked. Asked me what happened... and I have no idea what to say.

But, as of right now... I think my M is over. I cannot see myself ever being happy with a man that has lied to me... and would hurt me the way he has.

I will be there if he needs me. But, I cannot watch him self destruct. It hurts too much.

NW,

I said that I would get back to your sitch when you first started to post, but did not. I apologize for this. I have not read most of the last few pages of your thread, so I may be off base with what follows. But it seems to me that your father was correct: your WH is not worth it. You are young, have no children, and have a lot to offer. I personally believe that you should bail out, especially in light of how intransigent your WH has been as regards to your efforts.

It is a good thing, however, that you went through this process. At least you can say you did your best, if that is important to you.

My advice would be to do a 180 (at the very least), Plan B, or Plan D. I suggest you stop Plan A. Your WH has all the evidence he needs to know what he will miss. In fact, I feel very sorry for him. For when he wakes up from his slumber, he will be shocked and devastated as to how he could have thrown away such a good M. Your M seemed sound to me from how you described it on your thread. (Note that I don’t subscribe to the theory that people cheat only if there is something wrong with the M). Your WH was a lucky man, and eventually will be a very sorry one.

I wish you the best, and I am glad to see that you have grown a lot from your ordeal. Plan A after all is for the BS. You are proof of that!

Thank you UVA.

What is a 180 if you don't mind me asking?

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting, get busy, do things, church, sports, tan,
15. When home with your spouse, be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you’ve had an awakening
and as far as you’re concerned, you’re going to move on with your life.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold, wait to see if spouse notices.
19. No matter what you’re feeling TODAY, only show spouse happiness.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk.
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on other parts of your life).
28. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed
much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of
what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives
because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

So, pretty much what I have been doing for nearly four months. lol

Thanks Believer.

I would continue what you are doing for a couple more months. There really is no hurry is there? Affairs usually end, and then he will probably snap right back to the husband he was.

Yeah, you are probably right... but I feel like I just cannot take him back.

I hate the "single" life. Soooo much.