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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 8
J
Junior Member
Junior Member
J Offline
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 8
Dear all my last hope,

When I thought it’s already the end, I luckily found this place. Also, I think this might be my last hope before I terminate my marriage. I’m a traditional guy from Asia and she
is a Asian girl who borned and raised in France. We met through a party and we started to have dates and fell in love with each other. I proposed her to marry me after almost a year
dating and we lived together for a while. However, we got marry without telling her parents because her mom is very controlling and she wants to wait until she is graduated from school; therefore, we told my parents and friends without telling any of her relatives and parents. I had to go back to Asia after half of year, because of my mother was sick. I went back there to start my own business in order to make more money for my family and take care of my mother at the same time. After 2 years later, I finally established a company with stable income and prepared to achieve my dream’’ Have a happy family with her.’’ I made mistakes that when we had arguments, I yelled at her by the date she visited me. Also, she complained about how I’ve been controlling about her life and I didn’t have much time to talk to her. Even how hard we fight, but we still finally compromised. Until last December, when we were in Paris, I sensed something different. The way she acted and talked was unusual. I still trust her because I think she knows what she is doing. However, once I went back to Asia, things were very different. She didn’t pick up the phone sometimes and she sometimes not home late at night. Each time when I talked to her, she said I was controlling. One day, I finally couldn’t tolerate it and I told her let’s get divorced. After couple days later, I regretted and came back to U.S. to apologize to her. However, she told me it’s over and we are done. I still took her to school and took care of her. One day, I was in her school and waited to pick her up. She lied to me the class wasn’t finished yet but I accidentally saw her talked to another guy. When she saw me, I could tell he was nervous and I felt something was not right. After I went back to Asia, I still couldn’t really find her. All of sudden, she told me that she is pregnant and she wanted to come to Asia to get abort it. Also, she wanted to visit Asia with her friends and she and her friend didn’t have enough money; therefore, I paid for everything for both of them, but I told her I can’t help her to have abortion because he or she is my baby. The reason is that all I have been waiting and working so hard is for this moment. By the day she came to Asia, I found out that she is cheating on me with the guy I met in the school. I tried to communicate with her but she didn’t want to listen. Also, I told her parents and relatives for helps. (Without the part that she is cheating because I don’t want to make her parents sad) and I flew back to U.S. with her and told her I’m prepared for this moment and I’ll take care of her and the baby. All I ask is come back home and I’ll wipe out what happened. I even called the guy and left a message for please not to do it anymore because it will not only destroy my family but also bring big impact of both side of parents. He didn’t call back but called my wife. Two days later, a girl told me that she is the guy’s girlfriend and she wanted to meet me. As a result, we met and we found out the guy is not only cheating on his girlfriend but also fool around with my wife. His girlfriend asked me if I wanted to talk to the guy’s mom because they know each other very well. I told his mom the whole situation and his mom decided to tell him to talk to me. However, the not only brought couple gangsters with him but also my wife. He threatened me and told me that it’s not his fault. And my wife lied to everyone that we were over last year. She broke my heart that night and changed the lock of the place where we live and took all of money from the bank. Ever since that day, she doesn’t pick up the phone and we haven’t talked since the beginning of April. She told me not to bother her because she said it’s all my faults. Also, she lied to her parents and relatives for I am a gangster and being controlling for her life. . I now stay in random places and have not much money left in here. I also don’t know how to open my mouth to tell my parents especially my mom has serious heart problem and my parents treat her as real daughter. June 6th is our third year anniversary; I’m thinking to make final decision. All of you in this place would be my last hope because I still want her to come back home and keep this marriage. Thanks for your helps and I will be really appreciating it from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,


Justin Liu

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 5,312
_
Member
Member
_ Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 5,312
Suggest you edit your post and put spaces between paragraphs. It is difficult to respond when it is so hard to read.

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Member
O Offline
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Justin,

Welcome to MB. I gather English isn't your 1st language? However, can you please break your thoughts up a bit so it is easier for us older ones to read? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What can you do? Hm... since your W is bent on lying to pursue the A and other selfish acts, it is best for now that you distance yourself from her since she is not really your W but what we call a 'wayward spouse'.

Let us know what is your native tongue and we'll see if someone on board might be able to communicate better. Sometimes knowing the cultural background can help give a more informed support.

Seems like family support is a biggie for both of you. Yet hiding things from her family isn't smart. Though her mom maybe controlling, you were far enough away to have been able to know when to hang up the phone.

Is her family going to help her out financially? Can you get back to your business and get it back on it's feet?

Looks like you need to concentrate on getting your mom a bit healthier. My mom had open heart surgery and it is hard worrying about her and being so far away, so about 1 year after my H's A ended, we also moved to be closer to my parents. I understand about the need to help one's parents.

Let's get you a plan for recovery. Personal recovery comes 1st. See if you can find the book Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley.

That's just for starters. Don't try to help or enable your W. Cut off her finances. Otherwise the WS in her will drain you of all your resources.

take care,
L.


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