One very good rule of thumb...

You are either married or you are not married! There is no "grey" area.

If a person can pull themselves aside and say "If I ran off today to Vegas and got married, would it be legal?" and the answer is "no"...then any relationship outside of their marriage is an affair.

It is that simple!

It is the height of the fog-bound to try to find a grey area. There really is none. None Biblically. And none legally. At least not in the great Commonwealth of Virginia!

You can separate from your spouse here (not legally!), spend 8 months apart while waiting for the minimum year...and then hook up with someone new. And guess what? Your spouse can have you charged with adultery!!

And they would be correct.

If we can individually decide when our marriage is over...then my wife never committed adultery! Because she said all along to everyone that she had decided the marriage is over...that she was done with the marriage.

Problem was, the marriage wasnt done with her!

On affair marriages...I again get caught in a situation where no one here can adequately define it. They cut NBII a break (and by the way I agree NBII should be here!!) but not JJ. All off a set of arbitrary rules.

The point is...this website should be about marriage. Since no one here can adequately show what an affair marriage is...and even if they can, they cant explain fully why they are not legitimate in at least some cases (as I and others have outlined before)...then why does this argument continue.

I can guarantee this...

There will be more "affair marriages" come here. MB will not stop them from being here. It isnt against the rules, nor the intent of these boards.

So, it may be time for many here on all sides to just agree to disagree. Because these arguments arent going to change the situation.

Thanks for your opinion MM. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey MM... every state is not like Virginia regarding dating while legally separated... and sorry, I don't agree with your take on things anyway.

And as far as agreeing to disagree, not on this topic. Sorry... but this battle will be fought with the keyboard IMO.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

heck, in PA you can't be charged with adultery for giving or receiving oral or anal sex. According to statute, it has to be vaginal intercourse....and that's while MARRIED and living together.... freaky huh!

see, the laws don't make any sense. I follow what I believe to be right...

Thinking further MM, I understand where you are coming from. I would not date until my divorce was final either.

But I see this in a whole different ballpark to someone who divorced specifically to marry their affair partner. It's not the same IMO.

Doesnt matter what the law says, MEDC! At least not if you are Christian. And even with the law...in states with liberal separation laws...am I allowed to remarry while separated? I am sure the answer to my question is NO. Which means I am still married. Which means I am still committing adultery. It's like being pregnant...you either are or you are not.

On the battle...all I can say is that you are working against MB and the reason it is here. Your "battle" is your own. Sure, it is okay to express your opinion. But, when it becomes a battle that is really not in keeping with the principles of this website nor the authors of the website, then I wonder why this "battle" continues???

Again, I respect the differences in opinion. Much of the opinions held that are opposite of mine now, I did hold before. I understand the argument.

But, the mods and the powers that be here havent weighed in. Ever wonder why?

Agreed! The intent is entirely different. I do agree with you.

The result is the same, though. Both are relationships born out of adultery.

dating is not adultery.
having sex is adultery.

It's funny MM because I used to hold your view till I fully understood the argument.



I note they haven't weighed in on either side yes.

.

Of course you do! So does everyone else here. Again, the law says we can kill humans at the earliest stages of life. Dont make much sense. But it is the law.

Doesnt change the fact that a human being is being killed.

The law may say we can hold people as slaves. Still doesnt make it right. Still makes it immoral.

The law may say we can sleep around on our spouses. Still doesnt mean when we do that we arent committing adultery.

The law is NOT the end-all-be-all arbiter of what is!!

What??? So, even though I am happily married...it is okay if I date?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That was kinda my point MM - especially given the differences in "law" from one jurisdiction to another. In the bible, the man only had to give his wife a certificate or say I divorce you 3 times. Poof. All gone.

hey MM... look up the definition of adultery in every state... DID I SAY IT WAS OKAY TO DATE IN YOUR SITUATION??? NO.

I laughed at this...because I said the same thing about the other position. That I held it until I fully understood the situation!


RIGHT! And they wont. Which was the reason I said what I said. Those that want to push these folks off of the boards here do so on their own.

Which is why there has to be a higher law...someone above it all...that defines adultery, etc. Otherwise, then there really is o such thing as adultery...because we can just make up the definition as we go along!

As are those who insist on their presence here. The position is quite clear that anyone from either side of the debate is free to express their opinion.

BINGO. I agree <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Who cares what the law says, MEDC? The law is not the end-all-be-all arbiter of the definition of marriage or divorce or adultery. It isnt.

Some states say it is okay to marry two people of the same gender. And just because the law says that it is a marriage does NOT make it a marriage!!

Dont get stuck on the law, MEDC!

But, if you do want to stay with the law...I again ask the question...no matter what state you are in...if you are separated, can you marry? If you cannot...why not?

The answer? You cant because you are STILL MARRIED! And if yo uare still married...and you have sex with a person who is not your spouse...then that IS the definition of adultery. No matter what the law says!!