I did not read the post to ws.

We ended up not going to dinner last night...ws works outside all day and the tempetures here with the hummidity are exhausting to him...we decided to go another night.

ws was very quiet last night...I mentioned this to him and he asked "can't I be quiet, without something being wrong?"
Withdrawal and depression I suppose..I stayed pleasant and the evening went ok.

I know he is having such a hard time...I am too. Things seemed toi go so well the first week or so..but we have definately hit a slump. I keep plan A in tact without being too clingy..hopeing he will soon come out of this. I am praying and thankful he is home but I sure wish he felt better.

WS and I decided weeks ago that I needed to give up my weekend position at the hosptial so we could spend more time together...we were both excited about this. His enthusiasm has sunk with his withdrawal but here is the delima. If I give up my weekend position (which I have basically already done) it will be difficult to get it back. I also loose nine dollars an hour and loose my set schedule. This schedule has worked great since I still have one child in school. I was/am more than willing to do this though in order to save my marriage. I am suppose to go in and sign papers to switch shifts...I am leary of doing this with the conversation we had the other night. I realize there are no guarentees but what do I do? I asked him last night if he still wanted me to come off weekends and he said yes...no enthusiasm when I said I had only four weekends left just a hu.

Mishes,

Make every effort to gain time during waking hours with your WH. It's not only a rollercoaster, but it's a risky ride.

Does 'losing your set schedule' mean you could end up working weekends anyhow? Are you able to work a day shift if you sign?

By not wanting to sign, are you harboring "what if it doesn't work out" thoughts? That's where trust in God comes in. Your M deserves this chance.

Don't ask about your H's moodiness.....just expect that he will be this way for awhile and your asking could be an LB.

Not much time for posting as my MIL died recently and things are a bit complicated.

I'm still praying for you.

Ace

This is so hard..I feel like we are back at square one.

I called ws and told him sy supervisor called and wants me to come sign the contract. I said that if he did not think things were going to work out I needed to know because I did not want to give up the set schedule or money. He asked if I was signing Friday I said no it had to be today..did he need time to think about it. He said no but I don't feel any differentthan I did the other night...I said with time though you will.

I went to gym could not work out long..too weak. I am saying to myself..should I not walk away with a little self respect and dignity? Do I call him and tell him I cannot put him through this any longer that I realize he does not love me and let him go? This is so hard....I am giving up my life as I have known it for twenty years. Aga9in I am crushed, and scared. Somebody please respond.

Don't make decisions about your choice for recovery based on any one mood or emotion or bad day. That will get you into trouble, Mishes.

Change your schedule IF you want recovery, or even the TRY for recovery. If you spend no time together, no recovery. It's about balance.

Your WH is going through withdrawal, and it is awful, and unrelenting. Do not make decisions about recovery based solely on how awful his withdrawal is. Just do the Plan A, and take care of yourself.

Here's your fear= we will have a false recovery. Am I right? Am I close? Well, wouldn't you rather have said that you have done all that you can to save the M? Mishes, I have been through two years, so far, of some pretty rough stuff to get to recovery. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or six months from now. I have no idea how long PWC's withdrawal will last, and if he will choose to really take care of his depression. These are his weights to bare. I have to choose whether or not to do what is necessary to recovery my M--my choice based on what I want and need.

If recovery is not in the cards for us, I have done all that I wanted to in order to attempt to save my M. This recovery racquet is HARD. I know, everyday, I know.

These are your choices.

I agree it is hard...I have lost another five pounds over the last week. The withdrawal is so real, and so very painfulI am crying everyday again though not in front of him. It is so hard not to be loved by someone who loved me so much once up0on a time.

I do however not want to make decisions based on emotions. I am PMSing on top of this which as usual only makes things worse. I will "troup" on...I went to the grocery and decided I would make his favorite dish tonite also he likes this french spread I just learned how to make so I will make that as well.

I hate going to work these next four weekends...cannot take leave, need the money. I wih I could call Mr. Harley, but I cannot afford that fee. My mc is on vacation..two more weeks before we see him.

{{{{Mishes}}}}

I have had multiple D-days, too. I am just beginning to believe that my own H is really coming around.

I think it is way, way too soon for you to know how this is going to come out. Waywards are selfish. They are confused. It will be a while before he is able to even realize the things he is saying. And that is if he maintains NC. He is going through emotional ups and downs, and so are you.

Emotions are temporary. Feelings change. Do NOT make a permanent decision based on unstable, temporary feelings! Instead, make the CHOICE to act in love. (good job on fixing him a nice meal!) Encourage your H to make the CHOICE to behave as a loving, committed H no matter how up and down his feelings are.

I have to say a session with SH would do you a world of good. While you are saving up for that (smile) have you downloaded the EN questionnaire? Has your H read Surviving an Affair? Have you both filled out the questionnaire?

This is a long, long road and it is hard. But you only hurt yourself and your children if you allow yourself to be ruled by your and his temporary feelings. Instead, ask for wisdom. Read. Observe. Make a sound plan based on what you know to be true and right.

When you are flooded with feelings, take a walk. Make a cup of tea. Change the scene. Look for a way to be kind to someone.

You can get through this, but please, please listen to the pros here. This takes a lot of time and you will feel lots of extreme ups and downs.

We are all rooting for you.

Mish,

About two weeks after my W began NC, it was all I could manage to get out of bed in the morning. She was so down and depressed all the time, I just knew she was thinking about OM.

Of course, I was right, she was thinking about him, maybe even pining for him. Those weeks were so HARD. In one breath I wanted to hold her and give her comfort and in the next I wanted to wrap my fingers around her throat and squeeze...

I lost about 20 pounds on the infidelity diet and seldom ate at all unless she and I were together. At work I was like a zombie, failed to finish anything for weeks and am actually surprised that I still have a job today.

I found poems and stories she wrote for OM and when I'd think about the things she said in them as I watched her sit in a love-sick stupor over him, I wanted to puke most of the time. At one point I even told her to leave...

Our first breakthrough, IMO, was the day she said she was staying because she thought God wanted her to. A few weeks later, she sent me an email in which she discussed our plans for the weekend and then thanked me for not letting her go. That was about three months after Dday and about 2 months and a few days after she began NC.

We both continued our roller coaster existence for quite a while, and even today I sometimes question if it was worth the effort. But she recently sent a friend an email, (yeah, I still snoop sometimes...just to be safe) in which she said that things were doing so much better and she was so glad we were still together...If it hadn't been one of my down days, I might have been really happy...

All I'm getting at is that as the WS goes through withdrawal from the OP, things are gonna suck big time. As unfair as it is, the WS needs the help and support of the BS to get over it and move forward enough to self sustain the NC. Not fair and not fun at all...

But if you get through it, a day will come when something will happen that will give you hope. That hope will sustain you through the next round of anger, depression and despair. Then a little more hope and you'll take a step, then fall down again, but you'll have the hope to try again and this time you'll make it two steps....

It will be a terribly long time before you can even not think much about the A. If Plan A goes well, your H may actually be ready to move forward before you are, since he will be getting the comfort and support he needs while you will be left floundering for a while. With luck, it will be at that point he will be able to begin to carry the real load of recovery and you will be able to let him make you feel better.

Until then, the up and down will make you feel like a yo-yo and the sudden changes in direction will drive you nuts, but with the support system of this place coupled with prayer and patience, it might just work out....

Better to know you tired and died than to wonder what might have happened if you'd not given up.

But only remain at work on recovery as long as there is progress. There will be set-backs, but as long as overall movement is in the right direction, keep going. If he falls back into contact, have Plan B details all but written out and be ready to move on it. You can only stand so much pain with no hope. If it comes to that, make sure Plan B begins while you have something left in the tank.

Mark

Hey Mishes,

How's it going? Mark's post shows what to expect and how to prepare for it. We're all here for you.

Ace

Divorce Imminent..more later.

Mishes,

Sorry to hear this. Do you need to talk? I am on my way out the door w/the kids today (doing the aquarium and stuff).
Hugz,
L.

Edited to add: Mishes, both Aces & I sent you my cell, so I am removing from this post. Call if you need. Share the news here when you can so others can help.

We do know what you are going through and can help. You'd be surprised where some of those desolate experiences have put us and where most of us who have been through it are today.

Glad to say the BS is the one usually who ends up in better shape....just gotta know the correct POV. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now don't go making any life changing decisions in your current emotional state of mind. I know you want to but don't. Let's help you get back to that clear mind, calm heart state so you can whoop that WS mindset back to oblivion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

L,

I emailed it to her.

Thanks,
Ace

Mishes,

How are you doing? I am back from my meeting and cleaning the house....care to give me a break? Call if you need. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hey Mishes,

How ya doing?

Ace

Hey Mishes,

Are you still out there?

How's it going?

Ace

Hey Mish,

I got your email and sent you Orchid's phone number like you requested.

Have you tried to call her?

Please check in. We care.

Ace

Ace,

Contact made. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Thanks Orchid, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm still praying for you......even harder now. Glad you're reaching out, Mishes.

Ace

Hey Ace....why? 'Cuz of the earthquake and the pending hurricane? Awwh.....we've endured worse....we went through the A storm! LOL!!!

Btw, didn't feel the earthquake but flash flood warnings have been posted. Guess that's what I get for wanting to live near the ocean. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We are doing ok. NO worries. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Clarification: E-mail contact received. Waiting for call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mishes, how are you doing today?

I have another interview today so will be out most of the day, but you can still call.

L.