In several of the responses to my situation, as well as several others, there is a pretty common theme of needing to reestablish my WW's respect for me as a man and her husband...

My Situation: FL_Betrayed thread

So the question is, how? Any suggestions? I've tried establishing boundaries (NC, none at all) but all that served was to make her retreat from home to her mom's...

Any suggestions on specifica actions I might take that would serve to reestablish respect?

Why not stay with one thread.

I don't think you are going to get her respect back overnight. It will take time and she will have to come out of the fog. Have you busted the A yet? Fighting for your family - that is worthy of respect.

Yes, just continue to act like a man and stand up against her affair in a thoughtful, resolved, strategic manner. If you cower in fear of her, and allow her to manipulate you, she will not respect you. Women do not like doormats, ugh.

Speak to her mother and the OM's mommy and ask for their help in saving your marriage. Visit the OM face to face. Do what needs to be done - BOLDLY - in attacking her affair.

She will respect you for it in the end.

When a spouse is in the Fog or in Contact with or still attached to the OP you will not be getting respect. Having an A usually means our S has lost all respect. Too much of a contridiction to think about here....After the A ends and your S does what is needed to be released from the fog and it lifts you may start to see respect again. The thing about A's and most men **and why they generally do not deal with them as well** is that Respect is usually a top need. I know that to all of us who were once a BS it is important but to men especially......If you are able to wait, hopefully you will see it sooner than later but it's not going to happen just because you want it. In the same way you won't just "feel" loved. It is a long haul. If you up for it It CAN happen. You just won't see it over night. Respect is a gift......when we earn it we feel we deserve it..when in actuality we don't.... It is simply given " A gift".

Atruheart

FL_B

The place I started with was regaining my OWN respect.
I started to behave in a way that was dignified and noble. In fact in a way that I felt would have made my late Mom proud.

I brutally reveiwed my husbandry and fatherhood. Took a voluntary demotion at work and started using that extra time wisely with my kids and when my Squid would let me with her.

I never lied much anyway, but I decided to make truth my default.

I exposed to OM GF and worked with her at maintaining NC from both sides of the fence. I studied to get as much info on OM as possible till I had a portfolio to destroy him if he ever threatened my family again.

I got fit and dumped "my businessman on tour" wardrobe. Looked nice. Smelled good. Kept a smile on my face. Avoided LBs but did not avoid talking over the hard stuff. Learned diplomacy in my own marriage.

Then i worked on forgiving Squid.

Over time Squid turned from hating me to loving and respecting me very much. She told me at the weekend something I have wanted to hear for a long time- that OM was NOTHING compared to me - that I am the best man she knows.

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Theres no great secret to this FLB. Be the best husband and father you can be and do it for YOURSELF not for the props you might get from your W.

I have leaned that there is no higher state of grace for a man than to be what his family needs in a crisis.

Be that, sir and be a warrior. Your W will come to respect that.

FL_B:

Listen to BP on this.

Start Confronting the OM. Be the warrior. DO NOT DO anything harrassing. No need for a R/O.

However, you can be around. Visit the house. Knock. Talk to Mommy.

You are the most terrifying person in the world to OM.

He will tell you that your WW is getting in touch with him. "So hang up and ignore her, she's still my wife"

Keep it simple. Once he is out of the picture, your W will be a pushover.

LG