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Roll Call to Date:

sdguy038--can change from Guy Smiley to Super Dark Guy when in the presence of the Sippy Cup Queen (SCQ)
chivers--I don't know!!!
LilSis--struggling with the loss of a parent and letting go of her WS who seems determined to D.
wildhorses74--her DD's not only SAW the wayward fog...THEY STOOD UP TO IT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Good for them!!!!
stillhurting01--struggling to stay in DARK Plan B, but doing better with it.
InHisCare--had a really triggery weekend and is sorrowing but also angry that it's over and headed to D.
eav1967--Eav has left the building
Ken313--who's real name is Jim...or...no...wait. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Seems to be accepting what is happening and is moving on.
lunamare--haven't heard from this lovely bee in TOO LONG!!!
Jayban--Where are you? Future so bright ya gotta wear shades, is that it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
chrisner--Planning to destroy the liver of one Cajun and tear up the town of Denver, CO! I must say...has the funniest sense of humor re: Wayzilla and Gollum even though I know it hurts him.
Dogfood--Woof! Woof! Speak up here DF!!
HopeThisWorks--I would pay money for an update from HTW, but until we hear differently lets just assume every is "fine."
Strivn4Better--Well, last I heard her boys were tearing up the bathroom and laughing with each other, so I suspect she has her hands full. Struggling a little with missing the "good side" of her STBXH.
fightingback--Tell us! Tell us! Enquiring minds want to know!
reachingout--Helloooooooooooooooooo! N E body home??
ForeverInLove--still in love (<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)
missingmyhusband--somewhat newer Killer Bee. How's it going there, sistah?
Xetta--Brand new member!!! How can we help ya! Here's your lipstick and lawn chair and cooler!
PUD--Brand new member!! Here's your cooler, lipstick, and lawn chair.

Graduated
MarriedForever 4/6/07
silentlucidity 5/7/07
Two members working toward recovery--which (believe it or not) is even harder than Plan B! Sistahs, give us an update on how your recovery is going...and if it's not going so well don't be afraid to come here and get some hugs and support! We love ya!

Honorary Killer Bee
Betrayed Cajun (as bestowed by LilSis)--planning on having his liver destroyed in Denver with chrisner. BC has gone so dark from his WS that he can't see his hand in front of his face. The good news: BC's DS is safe from all that wayward fog!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Killer Bee Special Forces Advisor and Gunnery Sergeant
FaithfulWifeCJ--Hi! That's me!

Official Killer Bee UPS Man
lousygolfer--I have a tracking number here...could you help me find the "package" please?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Chaplain
princessmeggy--We have a lot to pray about here, so if you need someone to give you a blessing or pray for ya...PM is our chaplain! Can you do a jewish service, chaplain?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Any new recruits? Check in!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am putting out a call to all of the Killer Bees for one quick update. Please post and tell us where you are in your Plan B...when/if you have a court date coming up...and how you're doing. What did you do for the holiday? Do you have plans for the summer? What issue are you working on for yourself? Do you go to IC or AA or some other support group? How are your kids?

I do not want to hear ONE WORD about WS or OP!!! Just you...your Plan B...and your kids.

BTW...is anyone in need of a replacement lipstick tube? I just got a new shipment of coral sunrise that would look GREAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Gunnery Sarg and Mama Bee,



CJ

P.S. MY update will be last! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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S4B, reporting to duty, Ma'am, Yes, Ma'am! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I'm up again! It's a never ending process and tonight I'm partying it up with a Poptart, Strawberry...I'm out of milk! Bummer! I wanted my Raisin Bran! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Good news is, no dreams of someone I can't mention or the MAMA BEE will sting me! OUCH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I saw
:::music = DUMB, DUMB, DUMB::: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Friday while attending a Downtown live after 5 prior to BC getting there...I freaked for a second, SUPER DARK GUY must have been around giving me the strenght to be GOOD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

ANyway, the liver rottin BC, I and the kids had a great time...the band was AWESOME, I was very surprised! Two beers entertained me (go ahead, have a good laugh, I can handle it), but I wanted to be sure I could drive home!!! So, I treated a round and BC likewise! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sun., I ran/walked three miles, and am still hearing my thighs and calfs scream for more today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

_________________________________________________________

I began attending Al-anon last Sept. to help with the pain that I was in as a result of (cue music: DUMB,DUMB, DUMB)'s A...I asked for a D in Oct. but heard I will do anything for as long as it takes, blah, blah, blah...more WS lies...so, I didn't follow through, hoping his lies were true...

I asked a wonderful lady to be my SPonsor that month also...and am NOW living with her and her H, with my two kids, waiting on court JUNE 7TH...I filed March 8th, and PODS was served March 23...

SIDEBAR: bathroom still intact and so is kids...mom's nerves are at rest now...kids holding up beautifully, barely ask for (Cue music: DUMB,DUMB, DUMB)...

I don't really have any plans for the summer at present, court in 8 days...so, we're hoping that this wonderful creature called the judge will grant us, well, me...first, the kids, second, CS, and third, use of the home... (still fear his anger on this one)...

From there, it's One day at a time...I don't think that I have too many bad days...it's more like hours...a hour here...a few hours here...bouncing back, comes with the standard issue stuff here...

It's on pg. 33 on the Plan B manuel if anyone wanted to refresh themselves with the course content, before the final exam, that WILL BE handled by CHRIS, SL, AND MAMA BEE! :::psst...hint...just mark BEE!::: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I love my Al-anon friends, and I really sucked up the program...I was thristy for it...I actually began my personal recovery 4/23/06...after fighting for the end of what I thought was an EA, turned out to be a PA...I think I fought that for a year...perhaps less...

I found MB the following MAY...I feared PLAN B, and now I am so grateful that I have it...I chose to file for D b/c I couldn't take how I was being treated, I was tired of fighting the A, and felt I was around done! I love my life now...

I go where I want, when I want it, I'm in charge of Rin...my world DOES NOT revolve around (Cue music please! THank YOU!) DUMB, DUMB, DUMB...Can I say PODS? PILE OF DOG.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Oops! Sorry, I'll do the push ups! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was missing the good side of "HIM" but I have some other issues that I think were triggering that, not the other way around...small potatoes, once I thought about it...it's a matter of the familiar...

Outside of that, all three of us are doing great...taking one day at a time...doing my best to not look back or into the future...remaining present...at all costs...living my LIFE...have FUN with the boys...

There's an issue about the kids going to see FIL and MIL, but I will make a decision on that once, I know I have custody...I'll be shipping one off at a time for two weeks, to rest MOM'S nerves...They're a handful but a blessing!!!

I'm still working on me...questioning why I feel the way I do, when I do...taking my personal inventory, understand my part in the failure of the M...holding myself accountable for MY ACTIONS and not PODS...Oops, sorry again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Learning what I can from what I think off a very healthy person...and continuing to grow...do the best I can EVERYDAY I WAKE UP, remaining true to myself... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Quote
BTW...is anyone in need of a replacement lipstick tube? I just got a new shipment of coral sunrise that would look GREAT!

Too light for my complexion, I'd rather some lip gloss...clear, if you have it...if not I'm not really a make-up gal to begin with...LOL...I'm what you call a natual beauty! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Have a great night, and I look forward to hearing from everyone!

Um, still waiting on that cooler refill...SL? BC drank all of mine, said I was a paperweight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> LMAO...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Rin, I'm here, got your refill; how's about a keg and some plastic cups; that should hold you for a day, with BC around...

Me, well, I'm doing fine. I suppose the recovery fold can mention their unmentionables, ie PWC. He's settling in; he moved the remainder of his things home last Friday.

Not nearly as many triggers as I expected, but deal with them as they come; fear doesn't really live here anymore, it visits, but I give it a drink, entertain it for a few moments and the bid it g'day! Illusions of control of WH, or much else besides myself, for that matter, have been released.

We're doing pretty well, sort of like back where we started before the A's, 'cept a bit better, more kissing and hugging. I FEEL (intuition) that we both understand the gravity of our sitch and will work to make things better. Recovery, so far, is veeeeeery slow. Things don't happen at the break-neck pace anymore, as in Plan A. I think we both sense that we have the time, 'cause nobody's going NOWHERE! It's hard to believe it's real this time.

I'm pretty happy--just simple little me. Don't do inventory nearly as much as in Plan B, you roll with the punches more, deal with the personal issues as they come. I anticipate nothing, but am prepared for everything.

Want to start working on the SF a bit more; that is a triggery time for me, so it can be difficult to concentrate, but I did miss it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We talk again, we touch again, we laugh again; it's amazing, really, considering all....

Specialist silentlucidity hath checked in...

Any questions?


Me-BS-38
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THANKS! I'll take the cups and keg...might have some guests drop in for a drink or two...

BC's on a beer run but I think we need reinforcements...lots of Killer BEES these days! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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princessmeggy--We have a lot to pray about here, so if you need someone to give you a blessing or pray for ya...PM is our chaplain! Can you do a jewish service, chaplain?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

(Waving to all the killer bees!) I'm here. Prayin for you guys. Special requests are accepted. Certainly I can do a Jewish service! I love the Jewish dances. (Going back to my corner to watch and pray.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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silent ~

Just a quick question ~ have you and your FWH considered, or are you in, phone counseling with Steve Harley?

We are and it has been TREMENDOUSLY helpful. We are also in traditional MC, but counseling with SH, I believe, is what is really helping us recover from the A.

What is needed to recover from this does not come naturally to most of us, and SH is really great at holding your hand and walking you through the steps needed in order to have a *real* recovery plan.

It's just been so very helpful to us, and I wanted to share that with you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

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Plan B for 120 days.

In 15 more days (June 13th) the Magistrate will finalize the divorce if she finds it acceptable. No appearance will be required. Total time before the court: 4-1/2 minutes.

May 8th was our 26th anniversary.

No contact for 36 days since court.

I stayed home for the Memorial Day weekend and spent the time cleaning the house, building a picture frame and working in the yards. My sister and BIL visited for a few hours on Monday and we exchanged our ’06 Christmas presents as the A cancelled our getting together last year.

BC is coming to visit July 7th and the Front Range of Colorado will never be the same. I will be single and he will be the restrained married guy! A Cajun wingman! (BC email me a list of groceries and spices you will need. I don’t have much of anything right now and what I still have needs to be thrown out. Also, what flavor of barley pop do you prefer?)

When BC heads back to the swamp, DD19 and I will road trip to L.A. for the Big Bob’s MB party on July 14th. Naturally, she wants to go to Disneyland.

I am coaching incoming high school freshman boy’s basketball and helping with freshman and JV level girls from 3 different high schools. I watch a lot of tapes on basketball particularly full court defense and press break. From October to March next year all my spare time will be spent on high school basketball.

Plans are being made for a bathroom remodeling project and an addition to the flagstone patio I built last Spring for W to commence when the D is final.

I have not attended any support group, had any individual counseling, or have requested or taken any AD’s. I do not actually own a wood chipper.

DD19 has good days and bad days. She is a lifeguard at a community pool in Northern Colorado and that is helping her. She is transferring to a local college in the fall and will move back home to save on expenses. The estrangement from her mother is worsening. DD and I have spent the past few weeks on a reclamation tour of many of the places we all used to go together.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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MarriedForever,

I was counseling with Jennifer Chalmers, during my last false recovery. She has given us homework, and we are very slowly working on that. Mostly, establishing NC, being Open and Honest, accountability for time, POJA, both fulfilling needs, etc. I prefer counseling with the Harleys for guidance in recovery. MC, I'm not sure of yet; it's me who is unsure. Slow going, but feeling good about both agreeing on how to get there right now. Once we reach a milestone, we will consider calling MB counseling center again. I would like to counsel with SH, but JC has evening hours...

PWC spent a considerable amount of time reading this website material, during and after our last false recovery, which is helpful for us when we talk about ways to work on the M.

I suppose we will decide on MC sooner than later. PWC does IC, I do not, as he is more in need right now than I, and affordability is an issue.


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HopeThisWorks--I would pay money for an update from HTW, but until we hear differently lets just assume every is "fine."

I'll settle for a backrub. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Everything is going very well as I approach 10 months of Plan B serenity.

My WW has been very quiet, however my MIL said that she has calmed down somewhat lately. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with her chaos anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

In case you didn't know, she invited me out for coffee about 2 months ago and I accepted to see what she was bringing to the table. Turns out, her attitude was still wayward and I went back to the safety of Plan B. It has been very quiet ever since.

I have been mulling over the idea of initiating D proceeding sometime this summer as I feel I'm almost ready for the next stage in my life. The longer this goes, the more certain I am of not accepting anything short of full committment and respect from her or anyother woman in my life.

Until then I will continue to live...and refine the list of qulaities that I would like for the next lucky woman in my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006
1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B...
...now stepping towards recovery?????
BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5
My Story
My struggle with an EA
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Just enjoying my hand in the dark <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ya'll gotta stop settin these up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />


BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
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Reporting for duty...

Doing pretty good all said and done. Money is still tighter then I would like.

Waiting to hear from my atty on the next move hope ful;ly will lead to an easing of the finanaces...

The Triggers have been pretty much gone for the moment anyway... Last contact with the village idiot was Apr 19th
have been as dark as a black hole for the past like 6 weeks I guess. All reports have her crashing and burning but hasn't hit bottom yet. health issues, money issue still making bad choices etc thus the village idiot.

Current poll of female friends places STBX soundly in the STUPID FOOL camp...

I am enjoy reclaiming the calm and control of my life. I live in a drama freee zone! It is real nice actually.

5 1/2 weeks till D day, I am told the D may ramp some issues back up, so will put everyone on standby in a couple weeks when the show starts in earnest.

Trying to move on, most days are good, a few aren't so good...

My evaluation is being single sucks (though better then a WW) Do miss the roll over botty call however... Sex is a misdomeanor the more I miss it the meaner I get...

What else, Back on the prowl/hunt etc. I can find no logical reason to wait any longer. I did my best and if she doesn't wnat me her loss, I am sure someone gal out there will see the diamond twinkling inside me and know a good man when she sees one...

That is about it... pretty boring...

Jim

Oh I was Ken to fake her out the WW in the early days in case she poped in and looked what advice i was given...

When I no longer needed the protection I returned to my given name.


EA Internet DD 2/06, 11/06
PA DD 3/20/07 started in 10/06
WW seperated 2/6/07
plan B 4/16/07
Divorced 7/09/07

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man, BC, we do make it easy.


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CJ:

UPS Man:

Delivering the "Package"

MF and SL are not longer on the route, Will check with the new addresses just posted.

Keep looking for Cajun, can't get too close, that IS A BLACK HOLE....

Was the "package" big enough?

Please sign here...


LG

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> BAHA ABAAHABAAAAh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

TOO FUNNY!


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I'm coming up on five months in my Plan B. My mental state is much better and continues to improve despite a bit of a blow over the weekend. But I'm tired. My resolve weakens as time goes on, and I wonder whether I shouldn't just embrace the divorce and Get On With It (like most people around me want me to do).

I do IC, but it's mostly because I like talking to my counselor--at this point I can usually predict what she's going to say. I haven't managed to make it to a support group (you guys are it), although there's a DivorceCare group starting in June that I think I will attend.

On the positive side, I am still doing yoga, taking more frequent beach walks, and doing more social things with my neighbors. I do some retail therapy--I bought myself a scroll saw on Saturday to do some different woodworking projects. My neighbor gushed over the wooden animals I made for her daughter's first birthday, and that made me feel good.

This Friday I am taking the kids to Disneyland and overnight in a hotel. Later in June, I'm taking the kids to the Outer Banks in NC, where we will spend a week in a big beach house with my parents and brother's family and aunts and uncles and cousins and will have a great time.

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Hey Guy Smiley, I'm headin to the Outer Banks (Corolla) in 4 days. It IS a small world after all...


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Corolla is where we go! On up by where the road ends. Have you tried the Philly cheese steak sandwiches from Corolla Pizza? To die for.

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Nope, haven't. This will be my second time in Corolla, so I'll have to try that place. We are semi-oceanfront (I just couldn't afford oceanfront with my savings) but we're only one house back, so I can still wake with the waves; don't know if I'll be able to watch the dolphins in the morning. I love to wake up, make myself a cupajoe and watch the dolphins. I also enjoy catching a sunrise while I'm there--Us easterners don't get the sunsets over the ocean unless were in west Florida!

I have been to Nags Head twice, Kill Devil Hills and Kitty Hawk. I really do like it there. Good for family reunions! My family is a bit down on their luck this year; one of my Aunts has cancer (prolly metastatic--prolly her last bout with it--her third); my other aunt's daughter is about to give birth, so she's out, and my uncles are not ones to visit without the rest of the crew there.

We're staying in a house called Corolla Fun (how original); we have a pool and hot tub. DS is going to love it, as well as the dogs. I'll have to keep a short leash on the greyhound for fear that he'll start running along the beach and not stop until he gets to Hatteras!


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Coming up on three months of Plan B on June 3. Three months! It has sort of become a way of life. It is sad (and quite chilling) how quickly we can leave one life behind to begin a new one

Still trying to finish Mama Bee's homework of disentangling. That is some hard work. WH left a big mess in his wake, but I am becoming a better, more mature and more compassionate person for having to sort it all out.

WH filed in October, and the first settlement conference came and went with out so much as a how-de-do. The next settlement conference is Aug. 2...if nothing is settled then, it will go to trial.

I have NO CLUE what is going on in the life of WH and RT or in either Turdville or Denialville (ILs). ILs continue to provide safe (and free) harbor for their openly adulterous son, and as I find that intolerable and incredibly painful, I have gone dark with them as well...hugs and greetings, but no conversation.

The boys appear to be doing okay...they are doing well in school, are loving and caring and miss their dad, but aren't acting out. Fingers crossed.

Things I am learning in Plan B:

*That I need to get out of God's way

*That I cannot control others...only myself (duh, but hey..!)

*That avoiding triggers is best, but if triggered, try not to hold on to it

*That I am not perfect and do not need to be; flaws are human

*That I am worthy, fun...and a bunch of other good adjectives

*That the A was not my fault

*That my boys are simply incredible...and I probably owe my life to them....

*That I miss my H...and love THAT man, still.

*That having expectations of others is setting myself up for disappointment, and is pointless anyway (see #2 above)

*That my friends and family love me and care for me more than I ever gave them credit for

*That MB is a place where I find incredible inspiration, advice, support, and compassion and has become a virtual roadmap to personal growth.

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Sis, you are an inspiration to many. I didn't post to you, initially, because you had so much support, I didn't feel that my two bits would make much of a dent (and I wasn't the most stellar Plan A'er); since you've gone dark, I KNOW your path, your pain, your fears and worries about your M and D. When I hear you, I hear me, Wildhorses, sdguy, chrisner, fightingback, Rin, MF, HTW, IHC, jim, BC and so many others.

You will get there Sis, and you will change your name here, to be more indicative of who you are now, not just somebody's sis, but somebody in her own right.

Now, little miss imperfect, get the heck outta god's way, face those fears, know your worthiness, and keep on truckin'...


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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