Post deleted by Cherished

WOW!!!!

You add in the self destruction, lowering of values, loss of self respect and others respect, the annihalation (SP?) of a R with a person that you committed yourself too and said that you loved more than anyone else, throw in the damage to innocent children, the fact that 3% survive beyond 5 years and you have to wonder why anyone would be so stupid to get involved in an affair marriage.

"I just deserved to be happy", "He/She's my soulmate (NOT!)", and so on just doesn't cut it. I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with someone who would engage in an affair and take it through marriage. Something that can only be fixed with a lot of professional help and counseling.

Its the abetting of A-marriges on GQ2 that sends the wrong message Cherished, not discussions IME.

Talking about the "car crash" dynamics of a-marriges is probably motivating and very marrigebuilding. Abetting them in public is not IMO.

Post deleted by Cherished

Post deleted by Cherished

Cherished,

That's an interesting dynamic you've noted. How did the person involved resolve the competing desires of passion/financial support? What was Harley's recommended course of action?

Post deleted by Cherished

I am my H's 2nd wife; he was her 2nd (of 5) husbands. Do you consider mine not a "real" marriage? He did get an annulment. BTW, we met 5 yrs after they divorced.

Post deleted by Cherished

Thank you Cherished,

I, also, don't believe in divorce. Though, I do have to admit, that I've been tempted to since my H's adultery and corresponding coldness. (he's warmed up now and on good behavior).

Cherished,

I can only imagine how many things you've violated with this post. There is a reason for a "private" board, and using something from the private forum to advance your opinion is likely to get you in some deep water....not to mention that it's unfair and unethical. This advice was not given to you....and you are not free to disperse it. I believe your intent is good....but your method is flawed.

SF,

I don't know you or your story but I wager a bet that you were the WS in your M? If I am wrong please forgive me and if I am correct then no big deal as I presume you are now a FWS by being here.

Secondly, I don't know about all the legal mumbo, jumbo or whether Cherished should have used something from a private forum or not but I know that the truth is always the truth regardless of how it comes to light. See, I have no problem with a child rapist who beyond a shadow of doubt is guilty but whose case is hanging because of a technicality being sent away with "tainted, ill obtained" evidence. If he's truly guilty I don't care how he ends up in jail, I just want him there. This is sort of like Cherished's post in that it doesn't matter where it came from only that the man who has the professional wisdom and training said it. There is learning to be gained regardless of from whence the information came.

hope,

I have been married twice....one for six months (young), second for 24 years. I was the BS in the first. And I was the BS in the second two times. All of this is chronicled in the archives of MB during the five plus years I have been here. In short, I came here as broken as any BS could be.

I don't mind the truth....but to copy and paste something from MB's private board....no matter what side of this you fall on....is probably an invasion of privacy and against the counselor/patient priviledged information. I'm not an attorney, and I don't disagree with Cherished....just the format.

editted to correct the spelling of chronicalled???? sheesh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for clearing this up SF. I guess I get real "touchy" (I am sensitive to this due to the state of affairs, no pun intended, our country is in these days) about stuff like this.

You see people everywhere defending the indefensible by trying to make the offender the victim when if the situaiton is simply looked at without blinders on it's obvious to any sane person that the offender simply got what was coming to them.

Again, sorry for your previous sitch, I was also the BS and know the pain involved in having it happen once much less multiple times.

All the best,

Post deleted by Cherished

hap,

I don't blame you for being "touchy"....it's with the help of this forum that I know I've been able recover from the brink of divorce, and the devastation of affairs. Even here, there were people who told me to give up because my husband was a serial cheater....but I have three babies....well 23, 21 and 9....but even so....they deserve an intact family that will be here when they grow and have children of their own. My children deserve more hope than the rash of infidelity in this society provides or the enabling that this society offers.

My daughter is getting married in October. She even posted here a couple of times (baby starfish) when I advised her that "living together" was not a good prerequisite for marriage. I have been a staunch marriage advocate, and was the representive from the big state of Texas for "Infidelity Day"....a day set aside to end affairs, support marriages and dispel the Hollywood LIE that affairs are a "love story".

Please know in your heart, and your gut....that I do NOT support affair marriages even though I am unwilling to insult and degrade people. As far as I'm concerned...."responsible" advice for anyone who shows up here with that history....would include exploring the past, making any restitution and compensation that could be made to the spouse, children and families of their victims (and after this last uproar) explaining why "reading" might be superior to "posting" on the GQ board.

But to be honest.....I recognize my powerlessness in changing this recurring problem...I'm just an ordinary poster. I am exhausted by the board wars, and would love to see the administration take a more active role in helping us protect BS's on this board WITHOUT ugliness because I believe that creates more harm, and has the potential to turn me into what I hate.

I have recoverd from some massive losses in my life....abusive childhood (emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual), rape, loss of a baby, loss of my mother, mulitple affairs, civil wars in foreign countries, caring for a handicapped sister, attempted suicide of my child, etc etc.....and still....I have compassion for human beings (even the flawed ones) and believe in their ability to change and be redeemed by God.....yes....even those in affair marriages. I don't support the affairs....but I am willing to support marriages.....and it's sometimes really hard and really sticky.....and I open myself to tons of criticism if I'm even willing to respond with anything other than rejection.

Thanks.



Cherished,

Again....I understand your intent and I know it was not to harm. I have no idea if this is a violation of privacy....but I <suspect> it is.

I also hope you will stick around so that you have some support while you cope with your grief.

(((((((((((cherished))))))))))))))

Post deleted by Cherished

Cherished,

I worry about you. Living with a long time emotionally and physically abusive person is, in a word, dangerous. And also soul crushing. What could set him off again?

I remember a post of yours a few months ago in which you reported he told you he wanted you off MB. Oh, you repeated he had his seemingly to him justifiable reasons. But still controlling and manipulative, no?

You and I seem to have similar beliefs about the lifetime covenant of marriage. This makes it harder for us than for most people here on MB to pick up stakes and move on. But don't ever forget, no matter what, you are always encouraged and allowed to protect yourself and your children first.

with prayers,

In my opinion, copying and pasting anything from a private forum to a public forum is NOT OK. I'll ask you to edit that out.

To my knowledge Pepperband has not done this, but even if she has, it must have been overlooked and it does not make it OK.

Private forums are private for a reason.

I do not have access to the private MB boards... so I am confused at best.