You need to be tough about his anger. Don't let it faze you.

I sort of sense that you tend to get emotional or crumble at confrontations. This exposure is going to send him through the roof. But that doesn't matter. It MUST be done.

Your marriage can survive his anger -- it can't survive an ongoing affair.

You need to learn to IGNORE his foggy statements about it "never working out". The only reason for that is because he thinks he's in love with OW. He's not. He's addicted.

So don't fight with him about his stupid comments. Just learn to ignore them, and continue with YOUR AGENDA -- which is being a great wife.

Ignore his stupid comments.
Ignore his anger.
Ignore all the fury about exposure.

If affairs are so great, why do they need to be hidden? Let everyone share his joy!

Your words of encouragement mean SOOOOO much to me!! For the most part, I have tried not to allow my WH inconsiderate comments get to me. And Yes,Lexxy u read me; I do fall apart at confrontations. It's something that I have to work on since I'm sure that Wh senses this as well.
LG,
Thanks for sample letters, it give me a place to actually start at.

I'm feeling much now. Have to think positive and remember that he is at this foggy stage and does not see through the cloudiness. I see him practically daily when he picks up baby, so its tough to look at him and not see my H instead of WH.

Should I just not bring up A or OW anymore??

Hi MB,
Here is a link to a very long thread by LilSis. Her husband is also a police officer.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

This is her plan a thread. Her Plan B thread is on the first page.

She did an awesome Plan A. If you have an opportunity, read all about her plan A.

If you want to post your exposure letters, we can critique them for you.

MB:
Just wanted to throw you my support. My WH is also a cop, also living at his folks house...for 11 months now.

His A is not with a fellow cop, but with my former friend, who coincidentally lives in his patrol area (also where we live). He would hang out there on duty.

I just heard of another guy in the dept. who was an FTO and had an A with his trainee...while his wife was pregnant. Ironically, he was now working in IA, so apparently it got a little dicey...he taking complaints about other cops for the same behavior in which he was engaging.

Don't you love the PD. (no offense, MEDC, because I KNOW not to generalize about cops, but the blue wall is probably pretty universal)

Anyway....

To answer your last question.....no, don't bring up the A or OW. Just be perky, happy, wonderful you. Don't enable, don't "babysit" while he goes out (if your ILs are like mine, they do this enough already), don't be a doormat, but be light and carefree and let him see what a wonderful thing it is that he has in you and the baby. Confident, pretty, self-reliant, everything that he loved about you in the first place.

That way, when and if you go to Plan B, he will have nothing but good things to remember.

That's how it's supposed to work.

Hi,

Just wanted to chime in and say, I am glad u r all helping her out. I was confused by the RS's thread but you all stepped up to the plate and lend the kind of good support MB is noted for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Please keep up the good work.

MB, you've got good support who can even provide guidance on how to deal with the exposure issue with his work. Please continue to post so they can help.

Have a nice day!!
L.