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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10 |
Hello,
I am new to the board and this is my first post. To sum up my story - my husband of 7 years last year told me he wanted to separate and that nothing I said/did would change his mind. He said he needed time to figure out what he wanted. That lasted a year during which I found out he was talking to a younger girl. I filed for divorce and he twice told me he wanted to fix the marriage, then did nothing about it. The third and fourth time I told him to prove it (mainly quit talking to this young girl "friend" The day before the divorce was to be final, he called again asking for another chance. We have two young children together and I really didn't want this, so I said yes. Well, things went fine if I agreed with everything he wanted. When I got crabby, he got upset and reminded me that was why he left me in the first place. I am re-filing the divorce papers even though I really don't want this. Any advice on how to get him to communicate? Or me for that matter?
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Welcome, LS, to MarriageBuilders...
Since you suspect infidelity is a part of your marriage, you may get a lot more responses posting in Infidelity General Questions II forum on this website. It gets the most traffic.
Have you been reading Harley's books, his articles on this website? Have you identified your WH's ENs, your own LBs? What books have you been reading on communication? Boundaries in Marriage?
No one can get another to communicate. Funny thing is, once we change our stuff, everything changes.
You sound very passive in your post...like your choices weren't important. Do you believe that you filed for divorce because he wanted you to?
Do you believe that he acts because you act crabby?
That you had no choice except to agree to everything he wanted?
How about MC/IC? Was that in what he wanted? How about what you wanted?
What's your purpose in re-filing the divorce papers if that's not what you want to do?
LA
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 725
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Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 725 |
lostsoul26,
Somewhere on this site is an article about the Policy of Joint Agreement. That's the idea that every decision you make should be made enthusiastically by both spouses. So you both should read that and then take another look at that list of things he wanted you to agree to.
One exception, though, is that he should not have any contact with this younger girl, ever. That should be non-negotiable.
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