Is this an MB tactic or one of experience!

What are some common reactions once employed?

Also, is it used strictly unannounced or can it be used to warn WS if NC is not achieved?

No doubt, exposure would definitely CRUSH my WS -- a self conscious person she is!

Exposure is used to try and put a stop to the affair.

Take my sitch for instance.

I found out about the A, and went home and told everyone. Told them I loved my husband and wanted to save my marriage.

(this was before MB)

Since then, word has spread in my little city, and I now know that WH is hiding in his affair. Before he was out and about but now, is going no where.

Exposure is to be used as a means to end the affair!

Swade, exposure is a MB tactic and one of experience. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure can inflict great damage to an affair. We have had affairs that ended THE DAY they were exposed. At the least, it can hasten its death by causing great conflict in the affair.

It is no fun to smoke crack when the lights are turned on in the crack house and a crowd of your peers are brought in!

A common reaction is FURY. Absolute FURY.

the WS should never ever be forewarned about exposure. Nor should it be used as a blackmail tool. Using it as blackmail only gives the WS an opportunity to PRE-EMPT your exposure and spin the story. With you starring as the "jealous nutjob!" Be assured that forewarning the WS is the equivalent of disarming while under fire. Not a smart move.

The best way to expose is to make up a list of KEY exposure targets who are close in some way to the WS and the OP, ie: parents, spouses, sibs, emplyers, etc. Expose to them all in the same day in order to get the maximum effect. Ask for their help and advice in saving your marriage.

The WS will usually find out from others that you have exposed, but if she doesn't, you should tell her she has been exposed.I know some betrayed spouses who wrongly thought the goal was to GOSSIP and keep it a SECRET, but that is a misuse of exposure. The goal is to EXPOSE not CONCEAL.

Q.E.D.

oh no, exposure would crush the AFFAIR. It is the AFFAIR that is "crushing" your wife. Exposure will help ALLEVIATE that. Keeping it a secret is ENABLING HER.

ML,

I do not know much about the OM, so I will focus on WS alone!

I am trying to find out where OM works.

Has M reconciliation occurred after exposure? I know that WS will feel devastated! I do know a close contact WS respects and clue her in on what is happening!

Very few reconcile without it. Without exposure, your odds are very low. I exposed until my WW was raw. Two years later, she's still here. Oh, and she was PISSED!

Well, this must change. You need to know if he is married, the names of his parents and his employer. Go to www.peoplefinder.com to see if you can locate his parents.


Reconciliation is LESS LIKELY to happen if you DON'T expose the affair. Who else would be on your target list besides this "close contact." What about her parents, close friends, etc?

You cannot do this half-assed, swade. It will do you no good to continue to keep her secret for her by only telling one close friend. That ain't gonna get you anywhere. That's like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight and you know how that will end.

Make up a list of key exposure targets and do it ALL AT ONCE. That will cause the maximum effect and will prevent the affairees from recovering from the exposure so easily. It is much harder to recover from a tsunami than a little rainy drizzle.

Have you tried callng the OM's house and asking for MrsOM?

swade,

If you want to kiss your marriage goodbye, just keep going as you are. Keep your WW's nasty little secret for her. Divorce is headed your way.

Let me ask you something, swade. Your wife is an addict so lets liken her to a crack addict. Which is more likely to help her:

1. helping her conceal her crack habit so she can continue to smoke crack in peace

2. turning on the light in the crack house and inviting in a crowd to watch her in horror while putting on a fireworks show in the front yard...


Which is more likely to help your wife stop smoking crack?

I agree. If you want your WW to stop smoking crack, you had better get your head out of yours.

**thud** LOL

LOL Pio.

Swade, if exposure hadn't happened to me I wouldn't be celebrating a wonderful family moment with my H and family right now.

I probably would have continued down the slippery slope. I didn't believe that at the time, but I believe it now.

Thanks again, Mel.

That' true swade. If KiwiJ hadn't been exposed, her daughter would be more worried about where her parents were going to sit at the wedding than the wedding itself. There is a lot at stake here.

I have developed a list already -- I plan to go into operation "shock, awe, and fury" tomorrow!

I will keep you all informed tomorrow - stay tuned!

Be warned. You will have fury. She will accuse you of doing it from revenge. Make sure she knows you did it because you want your marriage to survive.

Keep in mind the very true saying around here. Your marriage can survive a temporarily very angry spouse, it can't survive an ongoing affair.

Yes she will be angry. Remind her it is better to be pissed off than pissed on.

LOL Pio you really are on form tonight.

Some of the folks she will hear from will be by phone.

Obviosuly I assume the most effective exposure is personal contact from friends?

Also, forgot to ask, if any of the visits are personal in nature, should I be around or just take the kids to "disneyland" for the day -- basically, get the kids out of the war zone!