My ex wife and I were married for 5 years but have been divorced for 1 1/2 years. During the marriage , I was unhappy and wanted to leave but never did. And I never truly made strides to fix the relationship that I considered doomed. I stayed because of my son, who is the light of my life.
During the latter part of the marriage, I began an inappropriate online affair with a woman. My ex seemed to pay no attention to the warning signs, and just ignored the situation. This all came to an end when she read my email and found some emails, and I came clean to her. After the initial blowup, I moved out and stayed away for a couple of weeks. After that, we began to communicate better, talk more, we even continued to be intimate together. However, we both agreed to the divorce. Looking back now, I do not see why.
I kept in contact with the other woman and eventually started dating her. Through all of this, my ex remained hurt, yet convinced that we would be together in the end. She faithfully prayed for me. She wrote me letters of encouragement. She went through the toughest times for me, and stood by me the whole time. After 5 months, I came back to her and we began to date. Things were amazing! However, I never broke off contact with the other woman. We would talk every now and then, behind my ex's back. Though I loved her, I could not resolve my feelings for this other woman.
That all came to an end the middle of April. I had felt led to just pull away completely from the other woman. In fact, one of the last times I talked to her, I told her that it was over, that I did not want to talk to her anymore and that I was focusing on my wife. Needless to say, my wife found out about the contact and felt she could not trust me anymore, and she left. She has stopped any attempt for me to pursue her, or even talk about us. My feelings for her are so clear NOW. Through God, I am in a place where I am ready to be with my wife, I am ready to do what it takes for this to happen.
I know that she is hurt. I know she is wanting to move on. I know that she is going to date people. However, my greatest belief is that God's plan is for us to be together. I am taking the same stand that she took for me. I pray for her night and day. I pray not only for the situation, but her entire life as a whole. I have been reading through, The Power of a Praying Husband (A book she gave me during our separation). I know deep down that if it is God's will, then he will work in her heart to bring that to fruition. And if she chooses not to come back, I pray that I will be at a point to accept that and know that God has a better plan for our lives.
I am writing this as an encouragement to those of you trying to reconcile after a divorce. The road is long and hard, but through prayer, counseling, and God's hand it IS possible (Phil. 4:13). I am writing this as a warning to not rush into a reconciliation until BOTH parties are 100% ready. And finally I am writing this to tell of the peace that God has given me about the situation. I love my wife (and yes that is what I call her) with every fiber of my being. I simply pray each night for God to work in her heart. The road will be hard, but the reward in the end Will be Amazing. she is the Love of my life, and I make this stand with that in my heart.
I apologize for the length of this post. I guess my heart was more full of words than I first anticipated.
