I always wonder why a person would turn to an OP and have an affair when they have marital problems.

Its not like having an affair will solve those problems. Quite the contrary.

Maybe they didn't pass math in school. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

So my guess is you are from Kansas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wait, did you hear that? It was the garage calling to you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Resilient,

No it doesn't solve anything. It just makes the problems easier to tolerate. It's a sign the person has given up on fixing what's wrong. I decided I gave up too soon.

Its a diversion fraud at best, Aphro. The "easy to tolerate" is temporary because as we both know you have to face the reality you have ADDED to your marital problems with an affair.

IOWs, the affair becomes your worse marital problem.

Jethreen Emaloo Bob?

Piojitos, how did you hack into my Ancestry.com account?

Hey cuz!

Aphrodite,

Neither form of bad behavior "justifies" the bad behavior. What I'm trying to point out is that if you want something returned to you....in this case...trust, compassion, protection....then you must meet your own standards, otherwise it sounds hypocritical.


You said he "should"....well I guess he showed you huh? Why would you tolerate that kind of ultimatum? Prevention is worth a pound of cure....but if my husband told me he'd divorce me if I didn't sign a post-nuptial....I'd get my own lawyer and secure the marital assets before he made a fool of himself. I WOULD let him risk his own inheritance though....*I* wouldn't consider that a marital asset despite the legalities....but there's no way in Hades he'd leverage the joint assets for his business.

I think what pio is sensing....and really so am I....is that you'd much rather vent about your H's failures than face your own. Your other thread mentions "eventual" D-day. Eventual? Odd choice of wording if you're really serious about working on this marriage. Until you get clean and honest with your husband....your perception will be considered "suspect" because the biochemistry of affairs is really excellent for the habit WSs have of rewriting history.

Aphrodite....I'm keeping an open mind....but I'm unconvinced that you're ready to make this program work for you. Defensiveness is a big red flag <to me> for foggy wayward thinking. Don't defend the indefensible. Nobody is supporting the things your H did either....but you had many other choices to deal with his brutishness besides breaking your marriage vows.

We're going to keep going back to that right now....I hope you understand....because it's the first thing that has to be fixed. Get that done....and we'll sure help you with how to deal with your marital issues.

PS...I won't tell you to change your name because that's a personal thing, but be aware of the fact that it will be difficult for folks here to take you seriously while you go under a name meaning "The Goddess of Love"....it's name better suited to a dating site where it's supposed to be somewhat enticing, rather than a infidelity/marriage building site like MB. JMO It's up to you, but I thought I would try to respectfully explain the negative dynamics it may create and let you decide.

I know exactly why I came to MB. Clear as crystal. What I can't get to the bottom of is what brings Venus here. It doesn't add up. Add on top of that her support of swinging, etc. and nothing about this "woman" makes sense.

She wants no advice. Why on earth does she post? The answer: it is fun for "her". There are many WS's and FWS's here. Gemela came here as a WW. She came her to try to convince everyone that she should leave me and go to OM. It didn't work out for her but at least she had a reason for posting.

But this person comes along and says "hey, I really love cheating on my husband. In fact, I love it so much I wish he would cheat too. Woo-hoo! But I'm really bored and I was wondering if I could trouble all of you to try to convince me why I should stop cheating because, so far, I haven't found a good excuse to stop myself. Oh, and could you hurry? I need to get my nails done."

Resilient,

Oh I absolutely agree. My hindsight is better than my foresight was <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

star*fish,

it was his own but he didn't have a job and I was in school. Although I didn't rewrite history I suppose it was also my fault for not being tougher and not ignoring his divorce threat. Although I was against the business in the beginning I tried to be "supportive" when I felt the decision had already been made and there was nothing else I could do. But I think maybe "supportive" doesn't have to mean going along with every ill-advised plan he comes up with. POJA could have helped.

I say D-day is "eventual" because he is away on a contract job, and if I tell him now he will be worried sick about what I'm doing while he's not here. And he'll have no reason to believe me when I say I've quit, so don't worry. Of course he'll worry, and so that's why I think I ought to tell him face-to-face. Plus, he also banned all relationship conversation until he gets a job. And I don't want to make him so depressed he stops his job search. But I can turn this into a good thing by preparing myself for when I do tell him.