Hey everyone its been a while scince Ive been here. I have scanned though. But recently Ive had a situation arise where Im not sure how to procced. First let me say that Im totaly and completly in love with my wife Arwen. However I have a new co-worker at work, who first of all is one of the most difficult persons to get along with I have ever met. She has recently been fighting with my other co-worker co worker 1 is trying to get me to take her side which I wont do. It has now escalated to a regional manger issue. She has been in tears and has threatend her self
indirectly. The most troubleing issue is that she has also complained about her husband and the lack of their sex life. She has told me up front she is horney and needs to get "l..D" How do I put a stop to this without pushing her over the edge. If I bring this up to the district manager she will be fired, and my wife is already ready to read her the riot act.
Aragon

Tell her NO and stay away from her.

Well, the smart thing to do would be to let her know in no uncertain terms that you are NOT interested, and if she keeps up the sexual harrassment you will speak to the manager.

This is kind of common sense, and I'm wondering why you didn't think of it. I am hoping that you are not enjoying it.

Uh, so why should you feel obligated to protect someone who obviously doesn't have her act together, wants to fight with another co-worker, is difficult to get along with, proposes zipless sex and then cries and promises to self distruct.

You ain't her mama.

Nor are you her husband, shrink, or whatever. Business is business and that kind of emotional garbage has no place in business. Do your job and go home. Tell her to find another shoulder to cry on AFTER WORK.

Larry

Tell her 'no' in front of a bunch of witnesses.

Keep your distance at all costs, and never ever be anywhere alone, not even for a second with this person.

There is no middle ground here. Care for your marriage, not the unstable person's job. Let that be her concern, not yours.

If u love your wife, you will maintain complete separation from this unstable character.

I'm sorry. I guess I came in late. I must have missed the part about how her personal problems have suddenly become yours.

I have one word for you.

BOUNDARIES!!!!!

Tell her any comment off the work topic is unprofessional and you will not continue the conversation with her if she persists. Who cares what she talks about? It's why you are listening to it that has me baffled. Don't you realize you already have your foot on the path toward EA?

Also- This whole SF topic is a NO NO at work!
I would tell her that you do NOT need to know that, and tell her that you will go to your boss if she says it again.

It is NOT your problem, and she is trying to get you to take the 'bait'. But I am sure that you know that.

Just tell her that you do not NEED to know that, and if she continues to tell you this you will need to take action.

Two Letters:

HR

Before I ever finished reading your post....


Immediately as I read these two sentences...


My instantaneous reaction was...


EA


First of all....


You are already justifying your actions.


This is how it always starts.

And.....

WHY IS THE MOST TROUBLING ASPECT OF YOUR R WITH HER THAT SHE HAS PROBLEMS WITH HER H, AND SHE NEEDS TO GET LAID?????

That should not be your BIGGEST problem in a work environment! You are tempted! Don't do it!

Thank you all
First there is absolutly no interest in any way. In fact I rather personally dislike her. But the comments she has made regarding " her looking foreard to death" " not wanting to live any more" give me pause, beacause no matter how much I dislke her I dont want any anyone to try to harm themselve. I have metioned a counseling service through our church, but so far she hasnt seemed interested. So Iam praying for wisdom between being mean which is my first inclination, and trying not to push her over the edge. I would never do any thing to hurt my wife in anyway she is my total existance.
Aragon

This woman's problems ARE NOT YOURS. Leave her alone.

I have an actually helpful idea...but I want to make sure I have the facts straight.

You love your wife and have a marriage that is good and makes both of you happy. You have no intent to stray in any kind of way, nor interest in another woman.

There is a new person at work who happens to be a female person. This new co-worker is
In addition to being hard to get along with, while in the workplace, the new co-worker
So my first actually helpful advice #1 would be to call a meeting between all the people in the office and in front of witnesses, inform the new co-worker that you have observed the fight between "new co-worker" and "other co-worker" and that you will not be drawn into the fight nor will you side with one or the other. I suggest that you do this in front of others because your new co-worker is trying to set up a situation of "us against the world" and if you in any way feed into that illusion, she will pressure you harder and harder to be on her side. Be professional ONLY...but be very factual in stating that you will NOT become a party to the disagreement and that you will not pick EITHER side!

Next, you state:
When you say this, I assume you mean she has said or strongly implied suicide partially over this work argument and partially over hubby trouble and being horney. This kind of discussion with a person at work is HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE. Now Aragon...would you EVER in your wildest imagination consider discussing suicide or your sex life with Arwen with your boss? Or how about his/her boss? Then why in the WORLD would this kind of discussion be appropriate between you and this new person? It sounds to me as if this new person is using you as their personal "shoulder to cry on" and I would suggest two things. First, speak to Arwen and tell her every single thing you have said and the new co-worker has said--EVERYTHING. Leave nothing out so that nothing is blindsiding her. Then listen to her wise council on how she would like you to proceed so that she feels the M is protected. Second, if a worker is NEW, and already difficult to get along with, and already causing fights, and already taking it to the regional manager level, and already causing office people to "take sides," and already speaking inappropriately to a male co-worker, and already threatening suicide...this is information that HR really does need to know. You are not being "mean." It is not your job to protect her from herself. But a business has the right to know that one of their workers has become a bit improper and has the right to protect themselves! The business could be in BIG TROUBLE from a trouble-maker like her, and HR needs to know!! This would only be info in their file that would help them to document why they might need to fire her.

You asked:
What does POJA say, Aragon? You tell me... You are not just an individual anymore because you voluntarily vowed to become a partnership with your wife and consider her in all your decisions. So you two deal with this in AGREEMENT or you do NOTHING. Do not make up your own mind and do exactly what your wife told you would not work for her. And furthermore, if the new co-worker has behaved in a way that would cause her to be fired, then it is because of the way SHE CHOSE TO BEHAVE, not because you told.

This is a lot like an affair, Aragon. Remember how the WS says to the BS, during exposure, "How could you have done that to me and gotten me fired from my job?" It was not the BS speaking the truth of the affair that caused the termination...it was the fact that the WS chose to behave in a way that warranted termination!! Had the WS chosen to behave properly, the BS could have spoken the truth and nothing would have happened. So if this new co-worker has chosen to behave in a way that warrants being fired, it is not because you spoke the truth!! It is because of HER CHOICE.

She is personally responsible for her choices, Aragon, not you. And YOU are personally responsible for how you choose to act and how you choose to treat Arwen.

Your faithful friend,



CJ