Last night WH agreed to make NC to OW in front of me - again! He had already done it last weekend when we posted together, but she continued to send text messages and I was angry that she was still contacting him, even though he did not reply. So, last night in front of me, he called her up and said, "if you continue to call me or send text messages to me, we're going to have problems". In the first NC conversation he had in front of me last weekend, he had said, "I have already told you that I am married and not to continue to contact me. Yes, that is my wife and you need to stop calling us!". I felt good about that, but I was upset that he had not told me from the beginning that she had made contact and he had hidden her number under another name - trying to "protect" me - whatever! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> When I called her last weekend, she said to me, "we're really good friends" and that made me mad as well because even though there is no said "affair", it is still an OW and there is no excuse for that, especially with his track record.

So....today, she sent a text saying..."Don't call and threaten me!" and he 1) forwarded it to me and 2) changed his phone number on the spot.

That is progress for him. He did leave over the weekend and went straight to my brother's house and spent the night (his wife told me) and there was no phone or debit card activity, so I believe him. He said he needed a "breather". I told him I really didn't appreciate that because I haven't had a "breather" in 5 years; but he did return saying that he was willing to do whatever it took for me to be ok.

Again, I know this sounds silly, considering our track record, but it's good news to me and I wanted to share.

In the meantime, I am looking into some serious IC for myself and potentially getting back on meds. This has really thrown me for a loop. I thought we were far past all of this with 1 year of no acting out and no relapses.

Thanks to everyone for your support!

oh gosh....

please don't get your hopes too far up sweetie. i don't want to burst your bubble... i know you are having a moment of happines.. BUT... you know it is not going to change. mine would always be good for a while, do things like you just described, just to go right back to being wayward again. i'm sorry.....

IC for yourself, yes... but meds? if you have to be on meds in order to deal with being married to someone, good lord they are not worth it!

please, stay grounded on this moment, as it will be brief, of his being a good boy...

mlhb

OUC,

Sounds progressive and that's a good sign. Still being cautious as mihb recommends is a safe course to follow.

In recovery the real Xws does rely on the BS for guidance and the Xws does most of the recovery work. That work helps the BS get closure.

Sounds like this OW will create more trouble. Check out your RO laws and get ready for the OW to file either false RO charges or start harassing you.

She is a crazed creature and feels you have invaded her 'rights' as a OW. She learned on the mothership that the BS has no rights. She believes everything that is yours is hers and that is what will now make her dangerous.

The OW in our case wanted not only my name Mrs._______ which she did use when they went to Yosemite for a 'vacation'. That wasn't enough, she wanted me destroyed. She harassed me with calls and e-mails accusing me of things (i.e. having a w/FIL, being an abusive W & mother, being a lesbian, etc.), then she called to tell me she was pregnant.....

Good thing my reverse babble was in place. When she called to tell me she was pregnant (which was after 11pm), I quickly shot back..... 'so why you telling me?'

That baffled her. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Just enough for me to get my composure and hang up. I was shaking after that call and she didn't call back...that night. In a desperate attempt to ruin it for our family, she filed false RO charges and I finally got to view her in court. She was and is pathetic. Even the judge was irritated by her stupid logic.

So make sure your protection is included in the recovery plan.

take care,
L.

onlyucan. what are you doing? In order for anything to change your H has to be willing take extensive steps to change his lifestyle. That includes being honest with you about this "friend" and not doing things like spending the weekend away from you for a "breather." Living a secret second life is what has led to this in the first place.

Please get yourself a good counselor, onlyucan, to analyze why you would subject yourself to this abusive lifestyle. Please.

OUC,

So glad to see you demonstrate your courage to bust through your fears and post your challenges (and this little success).

Please muster up the same courage to do what mlhb, Orchid, and Mel and others suggest:

* Look deep within to get a handle on why you've made the decisions that allowed him to abuse you.

* Get counseling locally and with Steve H. or Jennifer C. if possible.

* Be sure you are protected in your recovery plan.

* Keep posting, regardless what happens so many who have overcome whatever you have to deal with can help you.

* Do NOT take things said on these forums like condemnation or a put-down even if it may feel like it. Everyone, as you know, is a volunteer, most with a passionate desire to help you/me/us see something we may have mis-perceived or misunderstood. Consider everything, use what you can immediately and save the rest to consider later.


See my sig line to see how many times I thought we were in recovery before I got smart and sought outside help....which was nearly too late. There is no shame in slipping; the only shame would be in not seeking rubberized shoes to remedy the situation.

Again, we're all here for you. Please let us help you....well they (MB vets) will help, I'll cheer you on.

Ace