Disclaimer: If answer is in another thread, please direct me, otherwise, I welcome your input!

Status of A: D-Day 28 May
Exposed: 3 June
WW: Says its over, but has not truly made herself fully transparent!

Q: As far as Plan A goes, where is the line drawn on being considerate, thoughtful, trying to meet WS needs versus being a doormat? For instance, I thought I read somewhere that you do not tell them you love them (is this correct???)
Basically don't get too "smoochy" (???)

I am trying to do the following which I thought was plan A material (showing affection). Are these cool or doormat material? And is 3-6 months the norm for BHs?

Sit and have undivided conversation with her.
Go away for a couple of days alone with her
Give her "thinking of you" notes
Hugs and kisses before and after work.
(Here's a reach - run a bath for her) -- I HAVE NOT DONE THIS YET!!!

Also I have a counseling session with the J.Harley this week (for myself) -- is there any point to inviting my WS to participate if she has not really agreed to any BCs?

Don't beat me up -- but need guidance!

P.S. WS went to gym tonight, so until I get my GPS, I noted the time and cross reference against cell phone records and time when the bill arrives for my review!

How did that phone call with Dr. Harley go?

Pio -- The phone call will be in 3 days!

Is that how long they take to respond? I didn't know that. Good info.

Well I won't comment any more on your bizarro Plan A as that is all covered in your other threads.

Plan A is not romancing your WW. Plan A is not about competing with OM for your wife's affections. Plan A is only about you. It is about you being the best you that you can be.

Love notes? Bubblebaths? Honeymoon weekends?

I'm pretty sure that all will make your WW vomit because I know I'm about to.

Doing all these things right now will drive her away. She does not want to love you. She does not want to feel pressured to love you.

Sit and have undivided conversation with her....

Yes. Great idea. Just don't force the subject matter.

The remainder of your list is just pathetic. Sorry.

Your WW is not going to feel safe with you if you pressure her. Have you read SAA? If so, have you read it in your native language? Because you are way off base IMVHO.

I recommend you focus on companionship and forget about intimacy for the moment.

I see -- WOW I was way off base!!!

I truly missed the boat in the MB website!

I am waiting for my copy to arrive in 3 days!

Companionship -- cool! I can work with that!

Thanks for "beating me down"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

As far as the phone counseling goes -- that's the next available schedule for myself! There was a morning session tomorrow that I could not meet.

There will come a time for rebuilding intimacy. It will not come until after withdrawal which comes after NC. If you try it now, it will become aversion therapy and will likely make it much more difficult to get it back later when there really is an opportunity.

Let me try to make it more clear.

Plan A is not about making your WW fall in love with you.

Plan A is about being the type of person that ANY woman would want to love.

WW just gets first dibs if she's of a mind to.

BTW, it is impossible to make ANYONE fall in love with you. Don't try.

So let me ask you -- should I refrain from going away on a weekend alone w/ WS given that the A has only been a week old, with a withdrawal period probably lasting at a minimum 3 weeks?

I know the answer is yes!

I guess the real question is: what conditions would have to be in place to allow for such an encounter?

NC
BCs
MC

Last question on this thread:

Would it be a waste of time to pass MB info to WW to read -- particularly regarding NC, withdrawal, and recovery?

They are still in a state of denial!

My view is that until WW has firmly established NC, exposing her to MB will be counterproductive to you. She will read all about Plan A/B and become suspicious of every single thing you do. She will also compromise your posting here.

If she gets into withdrawal, then that is a good time from my perspective.

The bigger problem would be you. You would go on this long "romantic" weekend with all these expectations in your mind. What would happen is these expectations would not be met leaving you frustrated and angry. You would return from the weekend totally pissed off.

Trust me on this one. This is experience talking.

If you feel absolutely compelled to get away for a long weekend with your WW, I suggest you go do a ropes course. That would not be romantic, it would be time alone together and it would focus on two things you both need - communication and trust.

Piojitos,

I appreciate your patience in answering my questions!

I will definitely take your information to heart!

Go out and buy Bruce Almighty on DVD and watch it five times.

It is a pretty good metaphor to what you should be doing right now.

I have a C session with Steve in 2 days.

Couple of questions:

Q: Does it make sense to ask WW to join in C session, given head is still in a fog?

Q: I suspect WW has not abided by NC given she still "protects" her cell phone. If she will not agree to BC, should I re-expose? I have run out of effective exposure contacts. I did not expose her at work yet, given she has not worked there long and the folks have no real influence on her.

I do have exposure POC dropping by the house to speak with her this evening -- a person from the original contact list
whom she has dreaded talking to. This POC informed me that my WW will not pick up the phone when she calls or return her call.

I am continuing to snoop and do my (self improving) Plan A, but if WW does not want to agree with BC do I just continue plan A and what??????

Don't ask her to join counseling, swade. It won't be helpful and I pretty much guarantee that Steve will want to talk to you both alone.

Is hers a workplace affair? I can't remember..

What is POC?

Swade,

I had a C session with Steve this morning. I would recomend leaving your WW out of this one. Steve will tell you what you need to do to get her engaged and working with you to save your M.