I'm soooooo busted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

And I'll repeat yet again what I have always said:

If you can't laugh at infidelity, what's the point of having it anyway?

The only thing with your point is -- I did not choose to have this infidelity!

Happy Father's day to all the fathers out there!

For those that are BSs, hang in there just as I am trying to.

I knew my WW was still in a fog since she did not get me a card for today although she did get me something "from the children".

My motto - "today maintain plan A"

You misunderstand. I'm not talking about anyone in particular. I'm simply saying infidelity in general. I mean if you can't find anything humorous about it, then it's really a shame God invented it.

It's either laugh or cry. Not many other choices.

Tell me,

Am I missing something with plan A?

It "appears" my WW feels a sense of "entitlement". I do not want her to get the idea that she is being "rewarded" for her A -- after all, I am doing everything -- cooking, cleaning, looking after the kiddos, and make myself a "worthy" H to her -- yet she walks around (perhaps still in a fog) as if she is living in a hotel!

What am I missing? I keep hearing -- no LBs!

I am trying to be patient!

OH GAWD! Not again!!!

Can't you read?

Pardon me while I go warm up on deck with my brand new Swadeville Slugger.

swade,

I'll be more than happy to have this dialogue with you. But it is between us. Keep WW out of it. For the time being and until you are convinced I'm wrong, put this thought out of your head. It is dangerous and totally unproductive. It is an issue which you will eventually have to deal with but now is not the time. Stay on plan A. Continue rewarding your WW for maintaining NC. Just trust me for the time being. There is no downside here. She isn't going to think "gee one A got me breakfast in bed...what will two A's get me???". It doesn't work like that.

Pio is right. It doesn't work like that.

I was so grateful to my H for the effort he put in to Plan A me. He was NEVER a doormat during Plan A.

Tee hee, he surprised me even tonight. He's booked dinner out for my birthday tonight WITHOUT ME HAVING TO TELL HIM that dinner out would be a nice way to celebrate.

Swade,

I've fought this particular demon for the better part of a year. Give it a rest for now. There will come a time when your marriage is in recovery and your WW will need to and want to give you just compensation for her A. Right now she still feels entitled to the A. At some point in the future and after your great Plan A, she will lose that entitlement. If she is a decent human being, she may well feel lower than worm excrement. You think life is tough now? Wait till you have to deal with a guilty WW who believes she is beyond redemption. It just keeps gettin better don't it? But once she reaches that point, the scales will fall from her eyes. She will realize how lucky she is that you stood by her and she will compensate you for that effort.

But I know how you feel. Have I mentioned before that Plan A sucks? I can't remember.

And if it makes you feel any better, there were times during WW's withdrawal that she came to me in tears and begged me NOT to be nice to her because she didn't deserve it. She begged me to be mean to her. I just got even nicer still.

bwaaaaahahahahahaha. BWAAAAAhahahahaha. I'm so evil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WOW -- thanks for that encouragement!

You did not mention before that plan A sucks!!!

I get that picture loud and clear - BUT - I do want to recover my M, so I will eat my pride and anything else getting in the way!

Jen -- how long in your H plan A before "the scales fell from your eyes"? Also did your H tell you he loved you during his plan A or did he withhold this from you?

Pio -- you just turned the screws to your WW. Can you remember when during your plan A that you noticed a favorable (if I can use this word) change in your WW?

Thanks to both of you!

Are you sure I never mentioned that Plan A sucks? I could have sworn I had mentioned that Plan A sucks. Oh well...my bad.

I'll think about the timeline and give details tomorrow but you have to understand that the clock doesn't start until NC is finally and permanently established.

Very important point!

NC is something I am not completely sure about!

For instance you mentioned in the past if you ask WW about any contact with OM, they'll just say No.

My WW wants to keep a password on her cell phone, but I have sole access to the bill and I am the only one who can modify the cell phone services.

I will see in a week if phone contact has been made.

Also what's to say that my WW could go out and use a pay phone to contact OM? I can only use a PI sparingly due to $$$.

In other words what convinced you that your WW had maintained NC, particularly personal contact -- was is her withdrawal symptoms you saw and then later she began to warm up to you?

I've never been convinced to this day. Of course I still believe there was a second gunman on the grassy knoll so take it for what it's worth. But yes by her behavior.

Dday was in July 2005. Swore A was over. August 2005 I hear phone recording of how much she loves OM and can't live without him. September OM leaves forever. Phone contact continues until end of January 2006 (her story and she's sticking to it) even though she swore on her childrens' lives that she was not in contact that entire time.

NC established. Clock starts ticking.

She was a biatch for about 3 months.

Two months of apathy.

Started being somewhat pleasant for two months.

We finally separate after nearly being arrested in Miami airport. Should have been an episode of COPS.

She comes back after two months and, ever since, she's been [censored] and elbows.

The separation was very helpful for both of us but the Plan A I did up till that time was what sealed the deal. Our separation was more her going to visit her family and not contacting me in any way shape or form. It got her attention. I don't think she ever contacted OM during that time or, if she did, one of them dumped the other. Who knows and who cares any more?

As I was typing that out last night, I kept getting confused about the timing. I had to keep going back and try to reconstruct every part because I swear to you I simply cannot believe it has been less than two years. It seems more like four. As I was typing, I kept adding a year but had to correct it. Part of that is because of the trips we have taken.

I have seen where some WW's start to come around after about 3 months. I think gemela was more like six months. She was tough.

While you were executing your plan A, did you set up an individual appt with any of the Harleys?

No I never did any IC. I did try once here but it went very badly. I posted that in detail.

I do want to go to an MB weekend though and am currently working the vacation schedule toward it.

To call the USA is quite expensive for me. That was the obstacle. In addition, everyone said that while WW was still in contact, there was no point in MC.

Thanks for that clarification with respect to the WW and NC.

I plan to verify this next week if WW has maintained NC.

I too want to attend an MB weekend in SF!

Or just go for the SF!

Or what about SF in SF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Lake