Ark,

I have approached her with MC at least 3 wks ago, but she was not ready to attend just yet (I expected so, given the A was still ongoing).

I attended an IC session myself at church. I need to find a good MC with pro-marriage principles.

She does seem like she wants to sweep this under the rug, but I will not let this happen - I will bring up MC again in July. I just wanted to get a month of plan A under my belt first.

She does seem to be warming up more. We are also spending more time together.

She answered some of my questions on D-Day. I still have more that arise spradically, I will log them and raise at a future date (early July).

We did fill out the EN questionnaire at least 3 wks ago. We both then sat down and reviewed our repsonses and discussed them. That's how I knew her top 5 and proceeded to meet her first 2 ENs, affection and conversation.

I have asked her more than once "does she have a desire to work on our marriage" to which she responded "yes."

I told her DO NOT stay in the M for the "kids only" if there was no chance for us. This would only bring more misery and perhaps lead to future A's.

Given my WW has a password on her cell phone, I noticed online from the verizon cell phone acct that she sent a txt msg to soemone at 11:44pm two nights ago! It will not say who until the bill is published around 6 July.

I do not want to wait this late to find out.

I think I have a right to know who she sent a txt msg to.

What say ye?

Any husband in any M has that right. How do you propose to phrase the question? A lot depends on HOW you ask it.

OTOH, if she sees you are watching all this so closely, what is the risk of her deciding to get a secret cellphone? That's what I would do if I were a wayward.

Well its going to naw(sp??) at you for the next two weeks and probably effect your relationship...so I say get it over with and ask. She shouldn't have a password on it if she wants to recover anyways.

I think it's gnaw. But, then again, I'm originally from Arkansas so don't mind me.

Piojitos-

This English teacher gives you an "A".

Oh. So I beed right then!

Would it be "spiteful" if I have WW pay phone bill for the A activity? Thisiis when WW was first busted. The bill is much higher than mormal with 24 pgs txt messages and a bunch of voice calls.

Frankly, I do not want to finance any part of the A. The bill is 3 times the normal amount.

Once again, she is out returning something to the store at 8:15pm.

Man, I am just in knots when I think about her being out alone (although things could be legit).

If I go, I would have to drag all of the children each time. Is it worth doing -- I think not, this to me would be punishing the kids.

Tomorrow (one day we both finally have off) she is going to help a GF setup a going away party for her son in military!

I may beed to go for a late run when she returns! I need to blow some steam off -- hurt, angry, sad, unsure of everything.

I will need to discuss MC with her -- we need it! Otherwise, she just moves forward like "all is well" again.

Pio - my plan:

1. Work plan A (1 month next week)
2. Snoop to se if NC broken
3. If broken, tighten BCs
4. If WW does not agree to BCs, I feel compelled to tell her to leave until she abides by BCs.
5. Finances are already secured!

Otherwise, I just don't know how I would hold up if she is carrying on with OM.

Just venting a little.

About the phone bill, just let the past bill go. Remember house training a dog?

Just keep your Plan A going. My WW kept phone contact for a few months. I finally began planning my responses. That made a huge difference.

Dude,

Thanks for your experience! I desperately need it!

Tonight, I didi something different to calm down while WW was gone.

I sat under the stars with a glass of wine -- when my ww arrived home she joined me and showed me a little love.

I learned also that astronomy is one of her loves.

Imagine, I did not relaize this in 13 yrs of M. We even saw a shooting star!

Bottom line, I defused myself before she arrived. This allowed me to get back on plan A without any sulking or bad attitude displays!

Ah, communication.

Swade, that's what she's looking for - that and excitement.

You're doing great.

BTW I don't know if you've read Pio's TKO thread.

You may want to think about taking advice from a man who has a "thing" for cable ties. Picture me now pointing at my head and rolling my eyes - you know, the usual "he's not quite right in the head" gestures. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ever thought about a Meade 8" reflector telescope? Talk about getting your 15 hours in!

My choice would be the Meade LX90GPS series. I would be tempted to go for the 10". I had an 8" Meade years ago and will say that you have to be pretty strong to move a 10" scope about. The 8" is tolerable but captures less light. I've never seen the RCX400 before. I need to take a look at those.

Oh and if you have never used a telescope for viewing deep space objects, humidity interferes. So the best time, unfortunately, is the dead of winter.

Jen -- Thanks! I'll look up the TKO thread.

Pio -- I did not know you were an astronomer -- I will look in to these telescopes and maybe surprise my WW with one on her B-day in late July.

I am trying to be adventurous -- explore something different, exciting. More importantly, get into her world!

Thanks Jen, Pio for your input and encouragement this evening!

Er, I don't expect you to read the whole TKO thread. It would take weeks.

The last couple of pages should give you some indication of the mental capacities of the person you're taking advice from.

And I don't mean me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you buy a telescope, bigger is better. Also, don't get cheap on the optics. I don't know if Meade still charges for optional coatings but they are worth the expense. I bought my Mead well before computers and certainly nobody had ever even dreamed of GPS. Computers are much better at finding deep space objects that people are and I've never tried GPS on a telescops but I can assure you that the North Star is very inappropriately named. GPS is a brilliant idea for a telescope.

I bought my 8" Meade because the salesman swore I would see colors on Jupiter. He lied. The 10" is my goal. Maybe they are lighter these days. The 8" will likely avoid hernia surgery.

Oh, and refractor telescopes are for sissies.

Did any BSs feel any inadequacy during SF with WW after the A?

I have recently felt this way.

Its to a point where I'd rather be affectionate with WW but not engage in SF for doubts about pleasing her.

It sure dampens the evening when this occurs after a nice night under the stars (last night)!

I know my WW is also frustrated by my actions.

Somebody provide me some perspective on have they experienced this before! I am nervous!!!

I sure hope this is just a phase that will pass real soon!

I certainly felt that way. But the problem is that you are trying to compete with a fantasy. Affair sex is better even if it really isn't. It's the excitement of doing the unthinkable.

I don't think this phase will pass very soon. There is a lot of damage done.

How long would you say it was before you felt that your WW was performing SF with you as opposed to with a fantasy or with the OM in mind?

Would it be advisable to have WW read HNHN and/or SAA?

I am going to suggest MC regardless.