Today is 11 weeks since my huband confessed to his affair with my friend. He has been honest with me since. He has told me everything about the affair. All contact with the OW has been severed. We are in couseling and are trying to work things out.

Can anyone who has been through this, and come out successfully, tell me how long it will take for me to get the trust back? Will I ever feel safe and secure again? Is is reasonable to think I will eventually be rid of the anger and pain?

Thanks in advance for your responses!

Trust is the ability to predict future responses/actions that someone will have to a situation based upon HISTORICAL patterns.

Since your H has violated that trust and has a huge deficit in tally marks to establish a positive historical pattern, it will take a while for him to build that up to a point where you feel confident.

This timeline is based, in part, on you.

I can tell you that for every instance of dishonesty that you discover in his future behavior, it will be a real hurdle to overcome.

I would suggest that you describe these falterings, if they occur, with descriptions of prime factored emotions.

Do not use the word “angry”. Use more specific words like hurt, fearful, sad, wronged, or less hopeful to describe how you feel.

Have you exposed to the OPS?

This helped me start to rebuild trust...knowing we might have two sets of eyes on both ends. He was oblivious on the phone and he never acknowledged he received my packet of evidence, but it still gave me and my WH a boost. See my story attached to my sig line.

Ace

the priority issue of trust is you have lost trust in your own ability to judge what was going on in front of your nose in your marriage ...

so, step one of trust is

learning to trust yourself again

For religious/spiritual types, this self-trust involves turning things over to God, or G_d, or your Higher Power. (if this fits you ... then ~this~ becomes step one in front of self-trust)

you cannot/should not begin to trust your husband until you trust that:

NO MATTER WHAT HUSBAND DOES, I WILL MAKE THE BEST CHOICES THAT I CAN AT THAT GIVEN MOMENT

trust your God-given personal power and NOT your husband

TRUST that your husband might make poor choices again, but that YOU will survive/thrive/endure/overcome

trust in your husband right now

is NOT a currency he has earned

someone on MB once said:

[color:"blue"] TRUST is not a prize one gets ... like winning the lottery

TRUST is most like a paycheck ... it must be earned [/color]

sooooooooooooooooooo

in answer to your "timeline" question

it takes

Y E A R S

but the years are filled with rebuilding each individual self

self-expploration

and mutual care

read the Harley books ALOUD together

or, better yet, ask your HUSBAND to call the Harley's for an individual counceling session so he may begin marriage recovery on the right foot

PS

trust does not = forgiveness

you can forgive someone and STILL not trust them !

FYI

hallo puppet?