Other = anyone willing with the right body parts.

Have you guys heard me mention how 2 of my H's "BEST FRIENDS" tried to hit on me when we were separated..needless to say, they are no longer his "FRIENDS"...

and check this out from this THRILLER that I am reading THE ART OF SEDUCTION..actually it is a verrry interesting book..

"Once you have chosen the right victim, you must get his or her attention and stir desire (through FRIENDSHIP) ...To move from FRIENDSHIP to LOVE can win success without calling attention to itself as a maneuver. First, your FRIENDLY conversations with your targets will bring you valuable information about their characters, etc.....Now they are vulnerable, for your FRIENDSHIP with them has opened the golden gate to their body: their mind...

YUCK...

Mimi, still studying the ART OF WAR, know your ENEMY..engage in some of his/her TACTICS... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I responded with Co-worker and with Opposite Sex Friend. Double whammy.

My fiance' has a good friend of the opposite sex who is our age and quite attractive. He seems to have, over the past several months cooled this friendship considerably and has told me that he will not have opposite sex friends once we are married, and in turn he would like me not to have any either. Well I don't have any guy friends in real life really but GB doesn't want me at the campsite anymore with Graycloud and the other guys. He feels that the discussions on MB are sometimes treading too close to intimacy because of the way thoughts are discussed so openly and deeply here, unlike in real life where you just normally don't have very deep discussions, say like with co-workers or acquaintances...heck even with good friends they tend to be surface type convo's usually.

Is this the same in ya'lls mind? a real life friend and friends on MB when they are opposite sex?

I will honor his wishes and not participate in one on one discussions any longer at the campfire, but I don't feel it is the same, really.

Curious as to how you all handle friendships in your marriages.

I see a difference, personally. Here on MB, a public forum, you are effectively chaperoned 24/7. If someone felt you might be getting too close to a member of the opposite sex, they would certainly let you know.

However, I don't think it's bad either that GB feels the way he does, since it shows that he has strong boundaries.

But at the same tome, using POJA, perhaps he would be willing to simply participate himself. If he's right in there chatting too, you will have an additional chance to grow more intimate with each other, and to both develop good friends here, together.

Weaver,
It doesn't matter what we think about it. What matters is what the two of you think, and how you handle it.

This is one of those things that really matters. Your hearts need to be together in this decision.

Joint agreement -

I do have some opposite sex friends. I "carbon copy" my W when I email them. (Which is not often.) I don't call them on the phone. We do sometimes meet them for dinner, but it is as a couple, not me, by myself.

As far as deep conversations go -

I have them more often these days. Being on MB has taught me what is important. Or, maybe I knew, but didn't do anyting about it. I tend to pay more attention to what people are thinking, and feeling, and talk to them about it if they need to talk. Everyone needs to know they are loved, and important.

Everyone IS important.

Now, there is a right way to do it, and a wrong way. I can talk to my male friends about these things without my W's involvement, and I often do. (Not something I did 10 years ago.)

My W feels I can talk on MB to anyone - it's public, though one must be careful in the way they communicate, and always guard their feelings.

The bottom line is that our spouse, or intended spouse must be protected. They are more important than other friends, even if the other friendships are innocent, and if the people involved really need help. One of the ways we tell if we are on the up and up, is if we are always putting our spouses feelings first, not the other friendships. That is a key indicator.

I sometimes print posts, and let my W read them. Sometimes I ask her what she thinks, and if she has comments I can pass on. She seldom comments these days, but she has an idea what I am doing, and it is helpful to her, and comforting to her.

I think one of the reasons we enjoy the campfire, is that there is intimcy, and not just fluff. There is a level of trust, and kinship, and a common bond. GB can probably feel that. He is just trying to protect you, and that is a good thing.

SS

Mimi, that sounds so scary, and yet there is valuable information there for the spouse who wants to keep their mate wildly interested in them.

Thank you Neak and SS. I will always take his feelings into consideration first, which is why this has been heavy on my mind for awhile...knowing what was coming and hoping there was another way.

You two just gave me the idea I needed, and I will have GB read what you have written. I would love for him to read what I read here and to get to know the people here. He did for awhile and then got too busy, but it is something I would like to do as a couple the same way he wants to ride as a couple.

Fair is fair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You are right to put his feelings first, as you would want him to put yours, but if there is a way that something important to you can be done without causing him to have any negative feelings, by all means it should be done, out of consideration for you.

I hope it works well for both of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Other=a student of his

Yes - what Neak said.

Exactly right.

SS

Coworker, but they had met the first time a whole 48 hrs previous, at the start of a business trip, before getting in bed together. That makes it more like other. Or maybe even prostitute?


Weave, just so you know, you are probably young enough to be my daughter and maybe even my granddaughter.

Oh, and you can trust GB around me. That is, as long as he treats you like I would want my daughter treated.


Maybe Neak should add fellow MBer to her list?


with prayers,

Who's (meaning me) clueless! Sometimes when I am posting, I forget the gender of the other posters. I tend to be more in tune to what they are feeling, how it compares to how I am feeling at the time, and lastly, whether they are a BS or WS.

Who

I hardly ever think gender on here either Who, and I think it is because we are dealing with minds and not bodies...which is the beauty of it to me.

Ap, I doubt you are old enough to be my dad or granddad, but I still won't reveal my age except to say that I am younger than Pep. LOL

Ex-girlfriend, and other. My husband used his position as a police officer to meet his affair partners for the most part. There are 6 that I know of. 4 he met while on the job, one was an ex-girlfriend, and one he met online. After we separated he began to try to reconnect with all of them within a week (I have his e-mail password). I was so tempted to forward all the e-mails around to all of women so they would find out how special they were. Disgusting....I figured people like that probably wouldn't care.

Opposite sex friend and ex are both ranked at number one, in my book. It's the things that they share in common that make the relationships soooo dangerous. After that, I'd have to list co-worker...given the number of hours spent together each week. From there, other family members (again, opportunity and time), and then finish up with the total stranger.

Opposite sex friend.

They met online, started chatting about nonsense, moved to talking about how unhappy they were in their relationships ("supporting each other" & getting a "male/female insight"), started meeting in the real world, yada yada yada, ... , ILYBINILWY, etc.

Textbook EA/PA.