You know, everything he has said fits the W's usual modus operandi. Expose the affair to everyone - even his office. Even church. He's hit mid-life and it isn't going the way he wants so he thinks he can bail out and start over.

If I only had a quarter for everyone who has been here and whose wayward spouse said those things....I'd be a gazillionaire.

D&A,

Go get the Anti Ds and get ANGRY at this schmuck.

You are sad and weepy, but why?? You must be feeling sorry for yourself! It must be, because how can you be sad that he is leaving? You should be happy and joyous he is getting out of your life.

""I did not cry while he was here but now I am a mess again. I just read a second email from him and I am so sad right now I am angry too but it still hurts.""

NOT CRY--GOOD!!
SO SAD--OK TO BE!
ANGRY TOO--BETTER TO BE!!

Or you can go to a dark plan B and wait for he and the poor stressed out OW to crumble into dust once she gets her 24/7 dose of him. She is stressed out now!!..JUST YOU WAIT!!

No hurry on the D. She is moving to town?? Couldn't find a better offer in all this time?? No wonder she is stressed out. Poor little innocent thang!

I bet in a month he will be out on his ear. Then what will you do? Take him back??

Stay strong, take care of yourself, sleep, eat, excercise, meditate and/or pray.

Watch old Seinfeld episodes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

God bless you.

kirk

OK, I just re-read his email and man-o-man does he NOT want you to call OW again. I wonder what would happen if you did call her again?

He says it is not her fault...but, gosh, I think that she had a pretty big role in this betrayal of you and your LIFE!!

If you re-read this guy's email a couple times his true soul comes out loud and clear.

D&A

It's amazing how a WS will beg for your cooperation. As if you are making things sooo hard on them. My WW said almost the exact same thing to me yesterday. "Please just accept that I don't love you and let me go."

This is about you now. You have to take care of yourself. WS is trying a power play. Don't let it happen.

Check out my post "I need your help", LovingAnyway had a great post about this today.

Stay strong.

Thank you krusht, losinit and cinderella for advice. you all are right I just need to get myself together. feels like the world came crumbling down and no way to fix it. But I am better today and i went to yoga class and plan to exercise more for the stress. i started thinking how i am not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. i know i will be sad but I wont let this beat me down! i am not respond to any of his emails. He sent another but i just hit delete when i saw it. i just end up feeling worse when i talk to him. I feel myself getting mad when i think about what he did to me now. Tears still come but i am feeling angry that so much time he took away from me with lies. All lies for 8 whole years and that is just wrong.
My sister is staying with me over the weekend because I still feel like i need her with me because sadness comes and goes. Right now i feel angry and i guess that's normal right? I have my AD's now but i dont feel like they are working yet. I am not going to let him walk over me because i dont want to be a wimp. I just feel such loss sometiemes because i am almost 40 and starting over seems so hard. I am ready I think to do something. I dont want to just sit and cry so maybe I should plan B him and take care of myself and work on myself?

okay I will take a look at your post too losinit thanks.

Work on yourself. The anti-D's won't kick in right away, but when they do, they really help. I would block his email and protect yourself for awhile.

D&A,

""i am not respond to any of his emails. He sent another but i just hit delete when i saw it. i just end up feeling worse when i talk to him. ""

Outstanding!! Keep hitting that delete button. Your silence will be deafening.

""I dont want to just sit and cry so maybe I should plan B him and take care of myself and work on myself?""

EGGZACHERY!! The main reason for plan B is to take care of yourself. You avoid his abusiveness and his "high drama". You concentrate on yourself and your well being. Keep at the yoga.

Sounds like you have a gem of a sister. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

kirk

Rubydoo is on to something. Find an attorney and ask if you can pursue that route or fraud in the inducement. If fraud exists, I would think there is a good argument he won't get anything.

thank you all for the advice. I am jst trying to take one day at a time. Krushit yes my sister is so great! She is taking care of me and helping me through this. I dont know what to do without her.
I have told everyone I can think of what he did. I expose to people at church and I called everyone I can think of. I wll let him deal with what people will think of him now. Knowing what he did to me is so wrong he will have to deal with the shame of it not me. I am starting to understand that I dont have a reason to be ashame because i did not lie to him and cheat on him he did that to me! First i was really scared to expose because i thought people would think i am stupid for not knowing he was cheating for all of my marriage. People have been so helpful to me and over the weekend i told almost everyone i come in contact with. They all said they support me and that he is a fool for doing this. i even call his aunts that live in Texas and they told me they are sorry this happens to me but that he told them that i was leaving him! he lied to his aunts too!
This just makes me even more made because i did not do anuthing to deserve this from him.
i am so glad i found this site thank you all for helping me. i will keep posting and looking for advice here because i feel more peace than before i camne here. i made up my mind that i am going to plan b him so i will probably need help with a letter. I know that once i feel more settled down i will need to talk to attorney. Right now i am just trying to feel better and deal with sadness and anger. i am getting in IC too because i want to work on myself.

Thank you i will writ this down and when i get appointment with a attorney i will ask about fraud because he did lie to me and i knew nothing about a girlfriend of his when we got married. he kept it secret and decieve me.

I am having kind of a bad day. its fathers day and nothing to celebrate for me. I have heard from h that ow may be pregnant. it hurts so bad because i wanted to have kids but we had none. Now i am facing divorce. i could never take him back now if ow really is pregnant. how will i cope with this now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I am so upset all over again. my sister can't come to be with me now because she has to be with her kids at home. H says OW is pregnant for sure and that he is sorry this happened but he has to do what is right and stay with her! What does that mean? wouldnt do whats right mean he never should have cheated on me! My emotions are going crazy again. I took Xanax to calm my nerve. Why would this happen to me. I just feel like what did i do to deserve this? Now I have to face that he is having a baby with someone else. He did nto love me enough to want to have a baby with me and he cheated all of our marriage. he married me with a ow and lied and noww this. how much more am i suppose to take. this crushes me. I am childles and she is the one having a baby. I just feel like no one has ever been in situation like this except me. it feels awful to be alone.

DandA,

I'm sorry that you are having a rough day today.

I know it is extremely painful.

You need to take a deep breath and start focusing on you.

YOU deserve better than this!

My recommendation is to start walking your butt off for exercise. It will make you feel better as a natural anti depressant and will make you fit as a fiddle to boot.

OW and your H don't stand a chance in hel!. I'm sorry for their child.

It's crazy, but you have to prove yourself more of a fit dog owner to own a dog than you do a parent to have children.

What you control now is yourself. Not your H. So, do what you can to make YOUR life better. He will regret it one day and you get a nice life in the long run.

Thank you plank. i know i should be focus on me its just so hard right now. i had started to feel better and exercise but then i got this news and it set me back so far. i just dont know how to stop feeling so lost and so down. i will take your advice and start back exercising tomorrow. Right now my mind is just going spinning in circles. you are right i dont deserve this it just hurts so much again.