My STBXH is not communicating with our only child- our 11 yr old adopted daughter since November 2006. My daughter called STBXH sister's phone several times in Nov & Dec 2006 (I also called twice to talk to him for daughter's sake) asking for return call but he did not call us back.So we stopped calling since then. He knows our number anyway. I know he is living with OW and 2 OC back in our home country which he kept since 1998. And he may thought it is better to stop communicating with us anymore. He maybe hurt and maybe angry with us because we were not able to reconcile and work on our marriage.

We were separated since 2001. I also had an A during the early years of separation. I regret what I've done up to now. When I found out about the OW and 2 OC in 2005 I came totally clean to STBXH. Up to November last year- there was still hope for reconciliation but after that I don't see hope anymore.

My question is: what will I do? Should I let daughter initiate communication with his Dad? I just hope STBXH & OW will not think that I am still interested for recon- so we are intiating contact. Daughter have a card for Father's Day to be sent though STBXH's sister's address? Daughter has 2006 Christmas card, bday card- but were not mailed- that I am planning to send with the Father's day card.

Our daughter knew already about the OW and 2 OC. She is trying to be very understanding- but not ready yet to see them or to talk to them. I don't know what would I feel if daughter will meet them and OW as well- and fall in love with them and will have family time with them. My gosh--- My daughter is very kind-hearted, very sweet and loving. I know she will accept them positively in due time. And I know I will not hinder that--- but for sure I will cry...

To those who have been through with this- please help me to do the right thing and how to cope up with our situation positively.

Thank you all in advance.

P.S.
-edited year of last communication of DD with her my STBXH should be 2006 instead of 2005
-STBXH lives half the world away from us- he's been back in our home country since Nov 2006.
-I spoke with my daughter just now she said not to mail the Father's day card. She will just write him a letter or a journal and will give it to him when they see each other in the future...
-Okay, I maybe wishing for a good relationship between my STBXH and DD but maybe both of them are not ready yet. Honestly, I don't want my STBXH and my in-laws to think that I am the one who doesn't want DD to contact them. Please give me your thoughts on this. Thank you.

Any comments or suggestions? I hope to hear from any of you-please? Thanks.

It is truly sad that he refuses to communicate with your DD. I hope that he has not completely abandoned her. The divorce is to end the marriage, not his parenthood. He is still the child's adoptive father.

I think a journal is a good idea. She could jot down thoughts and personal experiences that she wants to share with him. Cards, letters, and anything else she wants to send to him. Save them for a future visit (if any) or ship a box off to him once a month. Even if he doesn't respond, she might feel a connection to him by doing HER part.

I understand that you will be uncomfortable about her developing a relationship with his other 'family' circle. That is perfectly normal. I suspect that right now, she just wants to communicate with her dad.

It might not be a bad idea to get your DD some professional counseling if you haven't already. Children can be greatly affected (emotionally) by divorce and especially the abandonment by one or both parents.