Back in Feb'07 of this year, I discovered my wife was having an affair (over the course of 2yrs). Prior to my discovery I've asked her several times if she was having an affair (this was due to things I'd found). She ofcourse denied she ever had or was presently having one. The way I found out about the A was looking at the cell phone bills and found a number that didn't look right. One day I found a buisness card with the cell # on it. She confesed about the affair and since we've seen a MC only once. She told me she and the OM has cut all ties. We are presently trying to work out our marriage but having difficulty. I've asked her several times to write a NC letter to OM but she refuses. Reason she refuses is I left voice messages and text messages on his cell telling him of my discovery and warned him to end it. My wife told me he got the message. I still have doubt's about them having contact either by phone (pay phone or work phone). You see, my wife works at a hospital (nurse) and he is a doctor. I've told her that if she'd only written the NC letter that It would take away any suspicions. Also, should I let OM wife know about the affair?

Here is the Harleys suggestion for a no contact letter. See if she will write one.

"My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent."

And yes, the other man's wife deserves to know the truth.

Oh yes, tell the OM's W.

She deserves to know what has been going on within her marriage. Also, I have read on these boards many times that it is the best way to help keep track of your W and make certain that she is having no contact with OM. His BS will keep track of him to ensure NC with your W and this will help your Marriage.

I am sad that your W is reluctant to provide you with that security that you are asking of her.

It is always suggested on this board that you do not warn your spouse that you are going to tell the OM's BS. That would give your W and the OM time to potentially spin the story, making you look like the crazy one to the OM's BS.
Lake

You definitely need to let OMW know about the affair.

Why do you think the adultery isn't on-going? If they're working in the same hospital, and that isn't clear from your post, then they can easily still be getting together.

The OW's H new about the A and divorced her. He let the A continue for another year, unknown to me. Much of my emotional trauma took place after he was aware of the A. It is only right to expose the A to the other spouse. They need to know that they are at risk of diseases, that they have been betrayed so that they can work to save their M.

Please, expose to the other S.

FTS