Thanks for the encouragement, gals. I am a little bit bummed, but this wasn't unexpected so I am not doing as badly as I thought I might...at least not yet.

We talked a little this past weekend when he was here and he never came out and said that he wasn't attracted to me, but he kind of hinted at it. At one point, I asked him straight out, if he wasn't the least bit attracted to me, what the ****** was he doing here? He didn't know how to respond. I have been asking myself the very question as well. Am I attracted to him? Right now, I have to honestly say the answer is no. He was very selfish this past weekend and very negative about even the smallest things. In addition, he kept passing gas all weekend and making jokes about it. Also, he didn't even bother to shave and looked rather scruffy. And his belly is increasing. He eats out in Missouri about twice a day and it's starting to show on his midsection. So, as of right now, I am not feeling attracted to him and I am beginning to question if I should even bother with him. My life is looking good without him. I have been basically raising our children on my own for over a year now. I am working on getting myself into a great company. It seems that each week, I am adding achievement after achievement to my resume. This past two weeks, I have been totally in charge of 12 people leading a major project for this company. My self-esteem is soaring and I am finding that I am stronger than ever right now.

So...I will go dark and continue to live my life for me. If he chooses to walk with me, then he's got a ****** of a lot of running to do to catch up. If he chooses to walk away, then so be it... Either way, I am a much better person now.

"he kept passing gas all weekend and making jokes about it"

He probably has a lot of gas saved up, cause he doesn't feel comfortable in front of the OW. Wow, and he STILL thinks he is Mr. Attractive?

I guess he's considered attractive to the trailer trash in Missouri...or at least his expense check is...

It's funny - my ex got EXTREMELY unattractive during his affair. When we married he was 6 ft, 175. They ate out (on our money) all the time, I guess. When we divorced he weighed 280, had a awful, long, scruffy beard - looked like a well fed homeless person.

That is too funny Believer... My WH went grocery shopping with me this past weekend, and all weekend, he was craving vegetables. I asked him if he saw much of the inside of a grocery store. He doesn't. He comes back home craving those things he's missing when he's with her.

Right now, I am about 15 lbs. heavier than I was when we got married. WH said he's about 240 right now, but he hasn't weighed himself. I wouldn't be surprised that he's pushing 260. He's about 60 lbs. heavier than when we married. In addition, he's got high blood pressure as well. DUH! It's probably a direct result of eating out all the time and a major case of guilt.

His life is really in the toilet right now. He said he's being treated like the red-headed step-child at work, his overall health is going downhill, and he's recently been bitten by poisionous spiders 4 times because of where he's living. Boy his life sucks...mine is so much better...

Sounds like he needs a few more spider bites. Are you sure they are spiders, and not fleas? You know the old lay down with dogs thing......

Brown recluse spider bites...

There was a call on the answering machine regarding his recent ER visit... Life is getting really hard on him now...

I would continue living a great life, making my home warm and welcoming, and just let him stew away in the stye. Also I would return to a dark Plan B.

That is my plan for now. I am not going to end the reconciliation period, but I will treat him like he's dead to me and continue to make a happy home for myself and my kids.

I am not doing well today.

The tears are now emerging and the flood gates are crashing down. I am not sure if I am crying about the false recovery and getting hurt again...or the realization that I may not want him back. I am just crying.

I took my kids fishing today and a guy I met there a month and a half ago gave me his phone number. I didn't call him a month and a half ago, but today, I gave him my cell number. I don't know what possessed me to do that. I think maybe it's because I just want to feel loved and wanted...


This is so hard right now...

Xetta,

I understand the tears. Just practice breathing and know it is only temporary.

Realize that you and your family deserve a good H and father NOT this WS crap.

That will give you the strength to endure the WS crap.

Hug your kids. Enjoy the fact that you have them and they have you. Take the compliments, identify your boundaries and implement them. REFOCUS!!! This is NOT the end of your world but the end of the WS is imminent.

Hugz,
L.

Be careful girl. I had a ONS with an old friend during Plan B, and I never thought I would sink that low in a million years. It was totally outside my character. But it felt so good to have someone care about me.......

That is what I am grappling with right now...the feeling like I need to have someone who cares or who is attracted to me. It's a difficult thing to deal with when you are constantly faced with rejection.

In addition, the guy called me right away when he got home from work. He would like to meet out tomorrow night after he gets off from work... Why does this have to be so difficult?

It would be a huge mistake to see him, even though you think nothing would happen. I slipped with an old friend. After 2 years of NOTHING from my husband, it was too tempting. And then I no longer wanted to be friends with him because I felt used.

Better to wait. Also if you do get back with hubby, you will always regret it, and even if you divorce, you will be disappointed in yourself. Don't do it.

I am just so confused right now... I am not even sure if I want him back now. I keep asking myself if I am better off without him and the answer keeps pointing to "Yes".

U will stay confused until you refocus.

L.

Xetta,

Slow down sweetie, please. NO DATING, NONE, NADA, ZIP--you are in a puddle on the floor crying for whatever reason, and you have many, and you need not be introducing new [email]cr@p[/email] to deal with, okay--just leave the guy alone. He will hurt you, you will hurt him, this is way too soon.

As for that self worth thing, you will find it without having introduced another man into your life. If you keep looking for your worth in the reflection of someone else's eyes, you will never find it. Take the Plan B and run with it. You WILL feel good again, but you are going thru withdrawal right now. Let it happen. You will learn so much about your fears and how to overcome them during this time. You will also give yourself some time to answer those questions you are asking yourself.

WEIGHT--can be lost--so don't base your marriage on your WH's appearance right now. When he is no longer heading toward bottom, he may find the gumption to get up and get moving again, so leave that alone. Also, don't focus on YOUR attractiveness in the eyes of your WH--he's WAYWARD--and will not answer these questions with any basis in reality.

The best thing for you to do is a good Plan B right now. Truly. Seriously. No talking to him; get an intermediary, set up visitation so that you don't have to see him. Lick those wounds, and find yourself again Xetta.

Jen
Slow down, breath, feel it, live it...my IC said you need to feel and deal with it to heal from it...

Next 2-3 weeks will be very hard, expect it, then it will lighten and get better progressivly. Prepair you support group, take care of yourself, be nice to yourself, take yourself shopping, buy a new colone, get a new doo, do things that are nice to you. Get busy, good food, exercise. Hug yourself at least 3x a day. talk the the gal in the mirrow talk your self up.

other then that you just got to go through it... just keep walking through it and before you know it you will be past the worst of it.

Jim

I talked to him today. I wanted to know if it was his intention to continue with this reconcillation or not. We have an appointment scheduled with a marriage counselor on Friday. It should be a rather interesting session. What is she going to say to him when she finds out that OW is still living with him in Missouri?

In addition, I told him that I am seriously considering on ending this farce we are calling reconcillation. He argued that the only thing he's asked for in this so far is that we go to counseling. What about what I asked for? I told him that while the OW is in the picture, there will be no reconcillation. It's not possible.

In addition, I asked him another question that really hit him hard. If it's ok for him to be living with her while we explore our options, then would he be bothered it I started dating? Yes, he said he would be bothered if I did start dating. Yes, I have been asked out and I haven't responded yet. It seems to me that he isn't serious about this. I am weighing my options heavily right now. Yes, there is a guy that is interested in dating me. He knows of my situation, but isn't bothered by it. If this is doomed from the start, why should I waste my time and energy? Don't I deserve to be treated like a woman wants to be treated? These are all tough questions that are plaguing me right now.

I am so confused...

You know that no one here is going to tell you to date. So you might as well forget about that.

I would give hubby a Plan B letter, and cancel the counseling. He will continue cake eating as long as you let him.