Its been a very long time since I last posted here. Somehow I thought that if I just ignored everything and tried to live my life, I would move on faster. I guess I was wrong.

My WH and I have been separated now for 18 months. There have been a few ups and many downs since then.

Just a recap.

My WH started an affair with his assistant about two and a half years ago, while I was pregnant with our youngest child (we have three). He has since left that place of work, partly because of the affair and also inappropriate relationships with others. They moved in together for a while but right now I'm told it’s an on and off arrangement. They both have their separate homes and move back and forth between them.

About 6 months ago I heard that they had broken up. I’m not sure if that is true, but she did resume an old affair with another married man (husband to one of her workmates). The most recent I heard is that my WH has been attending her family functions and that now she is pregnant.

Her cousin was the best man at our wedding and his family has known my WH since he was young. Apparently her aunt (the best man’s mother) was absolutely livid when they showed up together for a function. I don't think she has much support from her family but neither she nor my WH are the type to care much about that.

My main concern is that during the last year and particularly the last 6 months I have done all I can to stay away from them. I don't call, visit or try to contact him in any. I have basically given them the space that they wanted. He on the other hand is trying very hard to stay in the picture.


About two months ago I was due to travel on business for 6 weeks. I had arranged for my sister to come over and stay with the kids while I was away and out of courtesy and because of visiting arrangements, I sent him an email informing him that I would be away and my sister would look after the kids. He then came over on the pretext of visiting the kids and said he would prefer if he stayed with them. I turned him down the first time but he insisted and since we are not legally divorced or separated I was worried that he might complicate issues and I conceded later on custody which he has threatened to do.

He insisted on coming the day I was due to leave and said that the children wanted him to take them to the airport so they dropped me off. While I was away he called a few times offering to do work around the house. (When I got back though nothing had been done so I don't know why he offered). He had left a week before I got back and the kids were with my parents. I have only seen him once since then on one of his visitations with the kids and he insisted on giving me one of two tickets he had for a sports event. He then had to travel away and called to tell me this. I told him many times not to contact me but instead to talk to my sister in law (my brother's wife) about anything but he doesn't comply. He still won't appear in public places alone with the OW and she hides from any of my relatives if they bump into her.

I don't know how their relationship is actually going it seems to be a very strange one. I'm just upset that the news of the pregnancy has affected me so much. I thought I was passed that and I kind of expected it because she has been telling anyone who cares to listen how she's dying to be pregnant. I just don't understand why he still wants to pretend that he cares about his family in anyway and why he still expects me to keep up appearances about our marriage.


I have resolved to file for divorce as soon as the child is born. We don't have no fault divorces and gathering evidence of adultery is a costly process. My lawyer advised that if a child is born however then the facts will speak for themselves and it will be quite straight forward. What I can't handle though is how to deal with the heartache and the loneliness. I really want to move on and be happy. I don't think I could ever live with him again so saving my marriage doesn't seem much of an option any more. Besides I don't think that there is anything left to save.

I don't worry about my children so much because they are used to living without their dad and I can afford to support them. I have just reached a point were I feel I have the right to start worrying about me. Right now I want to be happy. I've spent the last three years worrying about making other people happy and it has burnt me out.

Aren't I entitled to some happiness or am I just being selfish?

U R entitled to being happy. U R NOT selfish.

I have known OWs to fake preggos and one in particular had the gall to ask ME for medical support. See I carry the medical coverage for our family and by law until we were separated, the OW could have become my medical responsibility (in CA). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well when that was thrown in my face, I demanded proof of preggo. Of course she wasn't and she slithered away because I was ready to take her to court.

So, r u sure she is preggo and is it even his? Hm..... I would demand DNA testing and wonder if a separation would protect your family's finances. Otherwise the OC could lay a claim to the family fortune. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> This could happen via the vile OW.

L.

Hi Orchid,

It is so good to hear from you.

Right now I think she is pregnant. I don't think she is faking it. Whether or not it is his though, I'm not so sure. If she is pregnant and showing as she seems to be then the time she probably conceived, my WH was doing quite a bit of travelling. He was away twice on trips for close to three weeks on both occasions. It is possible that it is his but the problem is that at that time she was known to be seeing another married man. My sister caught them twice in suspicious circumstances and some of her workmates who are my WH's former workmates and the other guy's wife's workmates (Its such a tight family <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) said the same thing. They actually almost gave her a warning for her behaviour at the workplace. So my guess is it could be anyone's child, but my WH is probably the most gullible. After all he has given her a roof to live under, the other guys just call her up when they want to see her.

My WH's medical aid covers us and we are all mentioned specifically. It may be possible to add another child but he would have to explain that at his office and the way he is behaving right now I don't think he wants this issue to come up. He will do all sorts of things to give the appearance that he is still married or at least on his own (to those who know that we don't live together).

I haven't actually asked him about the pregnancy, he's out of town, but I will. I thought that the decent thing for him to do is to tell me himself after all the kids will eventually have to know that they have a brother or sister. If it is actually his and I will recommend to him that he has a DNA test, although I am sure that he won't agree to it, then I will have to have the legal issues ironed out so that he has to make separate arrangements for his child.

I mentioned earlier that I have known the OW for quite a while, well sometimes I wonder how long she will push this whole thing and what she really thinks will happen. I exposed to everyone including her parents and her family are totally appalled by the situation especially since many of them were at our wedding. I don't know whether she thought that a child would solve that problem. Her relatives actually told my sister that my WH is getting himself into a lot of trouble by getting involved with their cousin because she is totally unreliable and a golddigger and I suppose they would know.

I have met the lawyer to explain the new developments and prepare for a formal separation. I know how important it is to get the legal issues sorted out now. I will keep you posted on what is going on.

thanks for the support.

lakeri,

How are you doing?

L.