Hello all.
It has been so long since I have been here. It seems like light years have passed since I last sought the open arms of this wonderful community of love and support.
I come today not in search of consolation, nor of solace.
I come to tell you all of so many new beginnings in my life. A life I could not have fathomed not so long ago.
I have finally arrived at the point where I see my experience with infidelity not as a negative point in my path. It was a horrendous, dark, and difficult time for me, without a doubt. But when looked at as a whole, the experience was a gain for me.
I have adopted such a new paradigm in my world...mostly due to the wake up that was delivered to me by my WW. I have endeavored to change my perspectives on such much of my world, and consequently so much of myself, that I can honestly say that I am not anywhere close to the same person I was just two short years ago.
Now don't get me wrong...
I would not wish my heart-wrenching travails upon anyone. The path I chose was arduous and hellish. I self-destructed, self-inflicted, and self-medicated. I was a basket case, indeed.
But through the toughest times, comes the most deeply ingrained lessons.
And I survived.
No, I can almost say I have thrived.
I have lived more in my last two years on this planet...than the previous 10. I have grasped the very edge of rapture...and ventured through some of the darkest depths of despair.
But I have come to understand that such things are not only a part of this wonderful dance of living...but a part of my nature...a part of my very being. I have come to accept my dual nature, as I am Gemini to the very core. And I not only accept it...I embrace it. And with that change understanding and acceptance has come such freedom. Freedom from so many of my self-imposed accusations. Freedom from so many self-imposed constraints. Freedom from my old self.
Freedom to be me.
Madness? Indeed. A madness that allows me to burn with a bright light that infects so many around me. A madness that lusts for true excitement and joy to spread to the world.
A passion for living this amazing experience called life.
Un-sanity a'int all bad.
And this place I owe my life to. I firmly believe that had it not been for the love that was shown to me in my darkest of hours, that I would have never made it to the point where true clarity was opened before me. The selfless love of so many here broke my heart free and re-ignited the fire that fizzled out so long ago.
Thank you from the bottom of my very being.
May each of you find your path to be laden with treasures of your deepest desires....
....and for a practical update:
I now live in Austin, TX. I am dating a girl, albeit on a long-distance basis. She has one more year of law school to complete (no, I am not asisting her in any way with it!), and we are taking our time with things. I have started a new production company here that is just getting off of the ground...much work, and much money are being invested...but the reward is waiting for me around the corner...I know it.
There is much more to share...but not time to share it.
It is a hard time, but a fun time for me now. I have transformed into someone I never knew I could be...
...and so can you.
That is the reason I spent the time to write this. To give any of you lost in the very depths of despair a little tiny glimmer of hope. Find your itsy bitsy ray of sunshine, whatever you deem it to be, and hold fast to it. Believe in it fully and it will come to pass in your world.
This is our world. This is our life. We just need to understand it...
...and believe it.
My love is with each of you here. You couldn't be in a better place.
Namaste'
TM
