After deciding that he wanted to work at our M, WH ended his A and then went into W. I understood that this would happen and kept my distance (we are separated) but let him know I was there for him.

He had had only email contact from her until yesterday. Our DD phoned WH last night but her call could not be put through as OW lives out in the country where there is no signal so we knew he was with her.

I sent him an email telling him that I knew where he had been and supposed that this meant he had decided to rekindle A. He replied saying that "you seem to have made your own mind up before speaking to me" and then saying that I "had reeled him in good and proper" with regards to the weekend we had spent together as a family and the SF we had had after weeks of flirting on both sides.

He then proceeded to drag up things from the past before saying that if he came back it would be for the wrong reason although it made sense emotionally and financially. Is all this a normal response from a WH?

I have to go and pick up my DD now but will post more later. I eagerly await any responses, Thx

tarnsy,

It's so typical, that it's downright scary how much waywards act alike, babble alike. In the bigger picture.....I don't think this means very much. He's cake eating right now....but since you've apparently done a good job of making the marriage attractive.....how did he put it? "reeled him in good and proper" Now that he's relapsed, you might be looking at really good timing for Plan B.

tarnsy -

Have you followed the MB plan of exposure? Have you let everyone - his parents, your children, friends, and OW's family or husband know about the affair?

Thx for your response starfish. Its good to know that this is typical behaviour. As for plan B, I'm not sure I'm ready. I think he still needs to see more of what he is missing out on, plus it would be difficult when he sees our DD's so much and I don't want them to miss out.

He's coming round to pick them up and to talk tomorrow so I'm going to be looking my best and put a smile on my face so he can't see how much I'm hurting!

Believer, his parents know of the A and have welcomed the OW with open arms!! Our DD's know that he has someone else but I haven't let them meet her. Our friends know but he has kept his distance from them apart from a neightbour who has told him that he is being irresponsible and will cut him off if this carries on. As for OW family, her mum lives 100's miles away and I know nothing about her apart from the name of the village she lives in. I have no transport so it's difficult to snoop! Oh, and she is divorced.

Does anyone know if it is possible to find the name of a person from a telephone number? I had a missed call from the area code of the OW village but it is not her number and I know nobody else who lives there.

I have tried searching reverse numbers on the internet but all I get is sites for the US and nothing for the UK.

I know I could just call the number but I don't want to give WH any ammo to use against me by saying that I'm harrassing her!

Not sure about in the UK but here in the US there are websites that offer reverse lookup of phone numbers, and it's usually free.

JinGA

Have tried that but all I get is sites from the US!

There are a group here from Europe. Try calling out to BobPure. He posts here periodically. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Tarnsy,

Withdrawl is very painful. Your H is not chosing OW, he is chosing to not withdraw from his addiction... it feels easier and therefore "right." Keep doing what your doing, and start considering Plan B as Starfish suggested.

As far as the phone number goes, do you have call blocking? Here in the US, you can dial *8-something (I can't remember what) and when you phone someone, it comes up as "private" on their caller ID and they can't call you back. Check your phonebook and see.

KM

http://uk.dir.yahoo.com/Reference/Phone_Numbers_and_Addresses/


try that

or type what you reverse lookup UK into Goggle and you get a lot of sites.

You might even type the name into Goggle and see what you get.

Good Luck

Thx KM, will definitely try to carry on as I have been but will keep thinking about plan B. WH said today that he wants to be friends but I replied that he can have all of me, none of me but not just a part of me. He just replied "ok". "Ok", what does that mean? Ok, I'll have all of you or Ok, I'll have none of you? Why is it that everything that comes out of his mouth can be taken at least 2 different ways?!

Thx for the advice for the phone no. but have checked out all the sites that google came up with and they all turn out to be US! So frustrating that the UK doesn't see the need for this service!

He says ok because you threw him off guard a bit. Because he knows that he has a choice to make. WH is conflicted with H, and that is what that ok was.

I had a similar instance with my WH. Told him that he has a family and home with me... to never forget that. His response was a very quiet, "ok" He actually looked into my eyes at that moment, and I saw his conflict.

So how do you get through to the H when the face they put on is of the WH? I am Plan Aing (is that a word ?!) my a** of as much as I can but it is very difficult when he lives elsewhere and I only get to see him when he picks our DD's up.

Before he ended the A, he would often come round and spend time with me, flirt with me and tell me that he often thought about coming home and that the grass hadn't turned out as green as he thought! But now, I hardly see him to talk to so apart from looking as good as I can, making sure the house is as welcoming as I can make it, telling him that I am here if he wants to talk about anything and letting him know that I haven't given up on our M, what else can I do?

He has seen that I've made changes to myself physically and mentally but how can I meet his EN's in other ways? I was affectionate towards him until he went into W and started avoiding me and now that he is back with OW, I don't feel that this would be appropriate. I make admiring comments regarding his job and parenting skills and am supportive to him in his ongoing family problems.

Is there anything else I can do or have I just got to hang on in there doing what I'm doing?

I can't tell you. My WH will not look at me, speak to me, and is doing whatever he can to get me to let him be.

I have no other option then to let him go... and live whatever existence he is living.

His affair is ongoing... and it sounds like maybe your WH's might be as well. I might be wrong, but if he is so unwilling to work with you, it sounds that way.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Word will either get back to him, or he will see it.