hi all
i have been lurking for a bit and decided to join on after reading the inspiring announcements.(thank you)

My H left Jan 2nd. Having an A. We have 2 children, ages 5 adn 12. he gives little money and not consistent with visitation.
i miss him so, but he won't come back. Its been awhile and they say if they dont come back in the first few weeks, they won't at all. I have done plan A, to no avail. However, i think I pine for him to much which gives him power.
I wallow in self pity, cry, sleep, not sleep, eat, not eat. I hate weekends. It all depends on day. I know all the advice about being strong for kids and doing for self, but I can't seem to move on. He is all i ever knew. All dreams , hopes and security are gone. I trusted him with my heart, my finaces
and my childrens welfare. Its all gone. Finances are awful, I can't afford this house. Bills were left , some never paid for months, credit cards i never knew we had. I was an ignorant wife.
He is an alcoholic, facing 4th DUI. could go away for 1 year(God works in mysterious ways) Has no license.
Anyone from MA and know about separate support?

I think I will move to plan B, as I am emotionally abused and he is pitting kids and lying to kids. I just wish there was a pill to make all this go away.
Thank you for listening and being here to help me feel sane. Hugs to all going thru this.

Hi June. Welcome to MB.



June, Have you seen a doctor?

I know you are hurting. It is paramount that you take care of yourself.

Feelings, thoughts and actions are inter-connected. You can change one by altering the other two...sort of shifts the dyanamics.

Change the actions, even though I understand that you don't feel like it right now. Exercise, get out of the house, spend time focusing on other things, your children. Fake it if you have to. The emotions will follow suit.

Have you considered anti-depressants to get you through this rough time?

yes, I saw a dr. and was prescribed paxil.
not doing much for me. helps me sleep and not eat , lost 12 pounds.
thanks
June

June ~ Frozen is right, see a doctor immediately.

Additionally, look up Al-Anon (not AA!) in your area and start attending the meetings. You will find the support you need in those meetings.

Your husband's affair, although it hurts the most, is not the biggest part of your problem. Alcoholism is a disease that has an incredible negative emotional and spiritual impact on all those closest to the alcoholic. You need to get yourself well before you can decide what to do.

I would agree with you that Plan B sounds good while you get yourself pulled together...

I am going to Alanon meetings. 2x a week. they are helpful, but again everyone is making progress but me. It all sounds reasonable and logical, I just can't seem to accept.
My girlfrind says i cant heal because i keep opening the wound everytime i see him. So i figure plan B is for me. I have tried Plan A, I have been forgiving, almost to a fault.
I have taken up walking and dove into work. He is on my mind all the time. i am home he is gone.My kids are a mess and I try to be strong.
thank you for your responses.
June

June ~ I know exactly where you are at. I was there myself when my alcoholic husband walked out.

Don't compare your progress to everyone else's at the meetings. Just keep going back. Some of us take longer than others, and its perfectly OK.

I owe my strength and serenity to that program June - you can find it there too.

well things are not getting better.
I went to court to get copy of separate support i forgot to copy. Clerk told me my H filed for divorce on May 25.
Hit me like a wall of bricks! I had hope, I had dreams, I was grabbing at any thread. I am now waiting to be served.
Looks like its for real now. he has another life, I am alone, struggling with 2 kids.
no money, no love, no hugs, noone to feel safe with. Yet I need to smile and keep strong for kids. Its the hardest thing I have ever faced.
I am not sure how I will get thru this. My feelings are scary.

June... here's an {{{mb hug}}} from me 2 u! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry you and the children are suffering through this. Has the A been exposed?

Are you going after his wages (child support garnishment)? A WS will file because they are enemies of the family. Can you get MC and IC for you and the children?

Your 12 year old may need it. Let the school, friends and relatives know so they can be a part of your support group. Your children s/b part of your group and you a part of theirs. Let them know that you will not abandon them.

What do you know about the A?

L.