Divorce is imminent. The draft of our divorce papers has been on my desk for a week. In the past, my W has not waited a day on such a thing, she has been in such a hurry to get the big D finished. Her waiting was unusual, and a possible (naive on my part?) sign of some indecision or ambivalence. Wrong again. She called to tell me everything is on. Her affair ended a couple months ago, but the divorce train keeps running. I've gone back to Plan A (during the very limited interactions we have) since the affair is over, but now what? I've asked this before - any 11th hour success stories, or even post-divorce reconciliations? Many, many are praying for this, but it seems to be an exercise in futility. Thoughts?

Sorry doc, I wish I could help you. I'm only a few weeks behind you however. My W is full steam ahead on the divorce train. My brakes have so far failed.<P>Maybe we can meet for a beer or something when this is over.<P>I'll pray for that miracle for you my friend.

Doc:: Why does your w want a divorce if her affair is over?? I am curious//.. Ok.. I have a couple of success stories for you... The first one isnt quite a success, but its getting closer.. its me and my h.. My h cheated on me.. moved in with ow.. we met with lawyer, and we divided everything up.. he took all of his stuff out of the house.. he was gone... 2 months later he moved back in and has been home for 4 months.... This has been a tough one.. not like the affairs that people have and end the day of discovery.. no... he went through the withdrawals, back slid, went through withdrawals... I have been on a roller coaster ride from hell!!! But it is finally paying off... The fog is starting to lift and i am starting to see my husband the way he was almost 1 year ago.. <BR>My next success story is from a co-worker friend of mine... He had an affair with a girl we worked with.. He divorced his wife and dated and was engaged to the ow for 2 years.. they both ended up cheating on each other.. My freind eventually re-married his wife and that had a second child and have been together the 2nd time for 8 years...<BR>Doc: If you do get a divorce, sometimes that is what it takes for your spouse to realize what they had... sometimes people just need to see for themselves.. Have you plan A'd good with her so if she ever does come back it is a safe and caring environment?

Doc-<BR>I have heard from both lawyers and my therapist of several cases that support Mickey's statement. Does this mean you should keep hanging on to the marriage even after the divorce? No, you should go ahead and live your life. I've read that 18% of divorced people end up remarrying each other. That's a good chunk, but the odds are still against it. <P>But some people just need to go all the way through it. I'm starting to suspect this is the case with my H. He won't appreciate what he has until he's really lost it.

Ani:: I agree with you.. If you do divorce, dont wait around.. move on.. You know the ole sayin... if you love something set it free?? I believe that.. <BR>I may add that I believe the better your marriage was, probably the better chances of reconcilliation after a divorce.. Some people just have such horrible marriages that no matter what, they will not get re-married.. So Doc.. make sure your spouse has good memories to come back to.. If she doesnt,,,, it will be her loss..

Like any marriage, ours was full of contradictions. I would have described the last 2 years of our marriage as the best of our 20. My wife concurred any number of times - until the affair. On the negative side, there were patterns in both of us that hurt us and damaged intimacy. But I had no clue she was thinking of divorce till she had made a final, irrevocable decision to end our marriage (about a month after her affair started). So there were many good things in our marriage to remember and come back to, but also some hard things and patterns that were difficult to change.