To me it is...and I want to share this stuff with SOMEBODY...

As days, months, years go by my H is more and more normal..nothing like a WS..seems horrified by immorality and infidelity..which makes it hard for me sometimes to even remember those days..

So I've been trying to come to some UNDERSTANDING of how a normal person can become ADDICTED to another person and GO CRAZY like HE DID...

I've found part of the ANSWER here..I think..in THE ART OF SEDUCTION...

CHECK THIS OUT from the chapter entitled: ENTER THEIR SPIRIT



How about that? I think this partly explains to me how come my H seemed to be UNDER A SPELL. I used to come on here and ask what does she HAVE on HIM?

I don't know what makes a person a SEDUCER or a SEDUCTRESS. I think he also SEDUCED her...but I am thinking that she certainly MIRRORED HIM and DID NOT QUESTION. I remember him saying that she was JUST LIKE HIM..therefore, his "SOULMATE"...YUCK...

I also think that during PLAN B, he learned that this was NOT AUTHENTIC..once he REALLY got to know her....

What is the TAKE HOME MESSAGE FOR US? To be more ACCEPTING of our spouses? To not be contribute to WOUNDING their SELF-ESTEEM? I was guilty of being CRITICAL, JUDGEMENTAL and DISRESPECTFUL. Making him VULNERABLE to the CHARMS of the SEDUCTRESS....

Another question..there's this WHOLE BOOK which artfully describes the process of SEDUCTION..

I haven't gathered whether the author is saying that there are men and women out here that are PURPOSEFULLY doing this. Do you think that is so? Is this process CONSCIOUS or UNCONSCIOUS or a little bit of both?

Should we be PRACTICING the ART OF SEDUCTION?

THIS IS FASCINATING!!!

IMHO I think that can be definitely purposeful. My WH's affair was definitely a wake up call for me that there are people out there that have no limits on themselves, no real moral compass. They can justify their behavior on any level. It could be that many wayward spouses are niave and are led down the road to infidelity by a conniving OP. Affairs could also occur with the WS being the seducer. I would think that either way, the seduction probably happens similarly no matter who is doing the seducing. Of course this statement assumes that one of the parties is an unwilling participant at least at first.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I too have been guilty of being critical and unaccepting of my WH in the past. All I can do is recognize that behavior and try to not allow that to creep into future relationships.
I would like to think that my WH loved me for me and not because I was in some way a mirror of his own personality. That seems so ungenuine and false to me. Maybe that is why almost no affairs last as long term relationships. One or both wakes up one day and realizes what is lying next to them...

And check this out and my H actually did describe HER to me...YUCK...



I actually heard her say something to the effect of: "How could you leave after I gave up EVERYTHING for you?"

and then the author says:



The GOOD NEWS FOR US is this:



AH...THE VALUE OF PLAN B...

I too think it sounds fascinating but I would not like to practice seduction on anyone. I understand what you mean when you describe you H as under a spell. I think that many persons who are being seduced will eventually come to loathe their seducer and feel that they have been conned into "loving" that person. I agree that we should be more accepting, not disrespectful and not wound our spouses’ self-esteem but that is also what love is about, right?

Also, I think that seduction will not work if the two persons are married to each other or even know each other well. One reason is that it is not possible to make someone believe that you are "just like him/her in every way" if he/she has known you for a long time. The other reason is that a wanted outcome of seduction is infatuation and from what I understand the hormonal rush of infatuation will not happen again with the same person.