GCC, you have got to expose to OM's wife's family. If she is so ill she can't handle it, let them speak for her. If my BIL was having an affair on my sick sister, I would have a field day with him. I would take over her medical power of attorney, then her financial power of attorney and nail him to the wall. When you do expose to them, expect a denial from him and for him to paint WW as a psycho stalker. That will finish up his business with WW. Right now she still thinks she has the upper hand. Finish the exposure, soon...for your own sanity.




22Dev

OK...of course those days were her "best". Because you hadn't gotten upset, didn't try to make her change so that your marriage was at risk, she could live in that 'fantasy world' of thinking it was ok to fantasize/possibly have OM AND still remain married to you. Why would that NOT be ideal for a wayward thinking spouse?

On the 'chance to miss you'...I heard almost EXACTLY the same thing from my (then) wayward wife. Yep...she wanted some time away from me and the kids to "get her head straight". She 'needed some time away, to relax'. Which I almost bought into...dealing with four teens CAN warrant wanting that time away. But, of course at the same time that I was considering her request, she was IM'ing with OM letting him know that she might be having a weekend where they could meet 'just the two of them'. It was their golden opportunity that they'd been hoping for, to find out if what they had was 'real in person too'.

Luckily I caught those IM sessions with a keylogger, and confronted her before it happened...otherwise I'm positive that would have been the day it went from EA to PA.

Let her know that being apart does NOT help a marriage. "Missing each other" is a BAD thing...not a good thing. What will help the two of you is to work through the issue, find a solution you both can be happy with, and spend the time together building your marriage and love UP, not down.

How do you keep your cool?

Well, first off, you take action. If you don't take action nothing in your situation will change. Exposing lifts a huge burden off you and makes you feel better because you are ACTIVELY bringing about the end of the affair instead of sitting around doing nothing and waiting. Other ways of keeping your cool are exercise, pampering yourself, coming here and venting, etc. You need to keep your cool and you need to actively do whatever you can to bring about the end of this affair. Don't let the fact that your WW is being nicer to you (in an attempt to keep you from further damaging the affair), keep you from doing the job you need to do.

Thanks everyone. Good to see you're still looking here. I appreciate everything. My WW actually was having and EA and two weeks ago it turned into a PA. She has said that she regrets it going to the physical side... but it has. She has said in wayward speak that she does not want to have anymore physical (as in sex) with OM for now. However I amd sure the kissing hugging etc will continue as long as they see eachother privately.

I did confront the HR dept at her corporation and they are going to review everything ans see if he has had any complaints in the past.

As for OM's family and OMW's family, the chase is on to find them or at least get a message into her hotel room that will expose to OMW and all family.

GCinCT:

How did you meet your W?

What happened in your first M?

What Happened in hers?

Lots of back history there to explore.

She just might have the gene for Affairs.

LG

Lousy Golfer, are you saying it's nature, not nurture?
If it's genetic, that's scary! If you're raised up in a home with infidelity, I understand how that would affect
a person's tendency to be unfaithful. Please tell me me it's not genetic!!

Just stumbled on this thread.....1st order....get the exposure done with as fast as possible! And prepare for the absolute insane anger from your WW. I repeat PREPARE! KEEP A CALM VOICE when she spews her venom. You will hear "I was thinking we still had a chance....but now IT'S OVER!!"

No it's not....just the beginning (read my story below....allow a few hours! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Her anger she has now is of herself, projected on you!!!! Make yourself as good of a person as possible (intospection), and reattract your WW by being strong and steady....NOT AN EASY TASK! This is a long road....your wife will not instantly snap out of it....trust me, that is only in the movies!!

My D day was in Sept. of '05....and now my FWW and I are in a marriage that is so, so much better than I ever imagined it could be....and it became so because we both were blessed with the ability to understand that we BOTH neglected our marriage, as so many now a days, do.

God bless, and stay strong!!! This board can be a tremendous source of strength!

MWIL

I've already seen the bits of rage in her. In fact yesterday she broke down and cried when I asked if she or the OM were waiting for OMW to pass away so they can be together.

I have a question. Though this A is fairly new... if I do my investigative work and see that she has spent the night in a hotel with him and not telling me, should I bring it up to her or hold onto it as ammunition? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ammunition for what? to force a confession?
I don't really see what good that will do.
She knows. You know. Is there some point to battling about it? It does nothing for your plan.

Save it for proof for OMW.

You have just GOT to get to her. I would be willing to bet you will uncover all kinds of lies. Not just what your WW is telling you, but also what OM has told your WW.....(hint: OMW may not be as sick as portrayed, but he is saying so to get your wife's sympathy and to thwart her from having any expectations of him...)
OMW might be surprised to learn she's comatose in a hospital....

Also -- did you expose to WW's family this weekend as planned?

Difficult time for exposure because her brother is getting marrien in 2 weeks. We have to go to VT as a family thins weekend which will give plenty of family time.

I was reading some other threads... should I be constantly telling W I love her or just suffice with the good morning and good night kiss on her cheek? I don't want to push and make her feel revolting.

I can see how telling he I know about the hotel will only cause an argument. I know the A is ongoing as is the contact. No sence in beating myself up over this. When she is ready after exposure and the A ends or fizzles out, hopefully she comes back to me.

Exactly -- the affair has to end. Exposure is the tool to end it. Not sure why you are hesitant to use it?

Don't smother her. No you should not be constantly telling her you love her. Unless you did that pre-affair. I'm guessing you didn't.

I say its a PERFECT time for exposure if her brother is getting married in two weeks. Plenty of time for her to feel real awkward around her family for what she's done.
Time for her family to shame her....

What are you doing about exposing OM? Most important thing for you to do...#1 priority....

I am a total romantic and every day when we woke up and every night before bed I would say Good Morning or Good Night with a kiss and light back rub and always an I Love You. So should I just stop that and say I love you occasionally so she doesn't think I'm begging for her love?

I know exposure is THE TOOL to use. It will be used if full force prior to the wedding. What better way than to have her whold family pressure her. However, her family has seen how much I use to smother her and knows I need to stop that behavior.

OM... I am going to see if I can google OMW to get maiden name and find out family members... maybe even send a letter to OM's neighbors who I'm sure know what his W is going through. I am looking to end this A, but also cause the exposure agony not just on my WW, but on him as well.

Just hire a PI if you don't have the time or resources yourself. They usually aren't a ton of money if they are just looking up information for you as opposed to staking the affair partners out.

I think I may need to, unless I just plan a visit to the hospital and confront whomever is in the room with her

Credit Card Statement... Funny thing, my wife went to pay the bills and noticed the credit card statement wasn't there. Started stressing out and emailing me asking where I put it. I told her I never touched it. So she called the CC company and they said it was sent out last Tuesday and should have been there by the end of the week.

She's never gotten worried about the CC statement... I think there is plenty of justification of the A going on within that statement. Hmmmm

Sounds like you need to go online and check the statement online. All you need is the credit card number and a social security number. I monitored my WW's debit and credit cards. That's how I discovered her calling card.

Yep...totally agree with Jim. Get on there NOW and see what she's trying to hide from you.

I also DO think you need to go into OMW's hospital room and let her know what's going on...along with whoever is there.

And when anyone gets angry with doing so, make it clear that you didn't CAUSE this pain...that was caused by her husband. You're just looking for help in getting her husband to get out of YOUR marriage.

I don't think anyone answered the question...

I found out that my W spent the night at a Marriott near her best friends place. They went out for drinks... but I know she had a physical encounter with OM there.

I got the hotel to fax me a copy of the statement. W says she hasn't seen OM in a week, but emails and talks every day.

Should I confront her on the hotel? We've had a few good days here and no kid tonight. Thinking it's a good time to talk but don't want to piss her off.

Nope, save it for exposure.

Thanks Jim

It's just one of those pieces of the puzzle you want to scream out and say I Know I Know

But so much stronger when the deep exposure takes place.