Well.....I would not "trade" my family. I would make a choice to be on my own. I would be in same neighborhood and I would continue to have a personal loving relationship with each of my kids. I would never live with someone under my roof as long as I had kids, etc.

I would eventually hope to find someone that I had loving feelings for.

You know, the bottom line I was looking for was this. And if I am repeating myself I am sorry, but I thought about this last night.

The concepts of withdrawal are explained on this site as I posted earlier. Once a spouse is in withdrawal, i.e. love bank empty or even negative, then if the other spouse starts filling your needs, love is to return. The concepts do not address if it can be too late. I have had my wife filling my needs for awhile now. I do not feel the love returning. Maybe it is my personality, maybe too much water under the bridge, too much resentment, etc. I can picture where that is the case, but it is not addressed by Dr. Harley........so I was curious in my own mind.

Hey...

Thanks for the article reference. I found your two post amusing from the aspects that the article is about the walk away "wife" and that you thought I may be one. When I first initiated marriage counciling, I recall the woman councilor stating that it was unusual for the man to initiate counseling. And that this subject you describe is mostly attributed to women, as it does sound like me.....walk away husband. Hmmmm, maybe I am a closet lesbian! ha

1) I have been down this road as I have been a reader of this site for long time. The specifics of my needs would be more important if I was a newbie to this site.

2) No, nothing repulses me about wife. She is generally a nice person. It is just a matter of how long this has gone on, in my mind anyway.

The kids statement.....I understand and struggle with it. My 14 yr old still hugs and kisses me goodnight and we each say love you. I have that type of personal relationship with them. If I had no kids, I would have been gone long ago.

I will take you at your word that there is no other woman, even no one that you are emotionally connected to.

The fact is that a lot of marriage is about enduring. Most people who have been married a long time spent years ENDURING. The statistics say that in 5 years you will be happily married with your wife and glad you stayed married if you just stick it out.

You can get some of your needs met in other ways. It sounds like you generally have what many would consider a good life.

Hi Icehouse;
I did realize you were a "walk-away HUSBAND"....I thought about putting a little preface on the article, but was in a hurry....

And just so you know -- I am divorced. And it is not a road I would recommend to anyone. I would avoid it at all costs.

And that is not because I am unhappy being divorced. It was a good choice for ME -- but that's the crux. It being good for ME does not mean it was good for my KIDS.
If you really mean what you say about being a good father, then do everything you can to stay together with their mother. Because I could show you school reports my kids have written that would twist your heart.

Don't do it to your kids. I'm the same age as you -- also with 3 kids.

Take your wife to a MB weekend. It would be the best investment of your life! I know you say she's meeting your needs -- but obviously there is something missing....