Post deleted by Knitgirl

Hello Knitgirl.

I’m sorry for your anguish and heartache. Welcome to MB’rs.

Can you call Dr. Harley for some MC?

It is critical in Plan B that you execute a near perfect performance.

You seem to have a grip on the notion that you can not have any recovery unless the A has ended.

Prepare yourself for there being a full blown physical and emotional affair. It’s a near certainty. You just referenced an emotional affair.

You are obviously educating yourself and have been working on busting up the A for a while. That’s an excellent start.

Have you EXPOSED this A to all of the important influential people in your H’s life? Exposure is usually the tool that kills the affair. Simultaneous exposure is the most effective.

You will get more traffic and help over on GQ2. If you would post your situation with background information over there it would help the pros help you the most.

Best regards,

kg~

A similar thing happened to me ~ dday #1 was last May; we were in a false recovery for 10 months; dday #2 came when I found out that NC never started.

I went straight to a very dark Plan B. Here is my thread, it might help you:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

The level of lying and deciet is not uncommon. My H was also telling OW that our M was just about over, blahblahblah. Then he'd come home to me and work on our "recovery". And lie, lie, lie to me about it being over.

It's very freaky, isn't it? Makes you wonder who you married, right?

You are doing the right thing by going to Plan B. Work on yourself while you are in it. DO NOT BREAK PLAN B, or the desired effect will not work.Do not have any contact with him.

You might want to post over on Just Found Out, or GQII. This board is really slow and you may not get much support.

Plank and Marriedforever:

Thank you for your replies. I guess this level of deceipt is not uncommon after all. And yes it is freaky. I feel like I'm married to someone that I don't even know. The person that I thought I knew would never do this.

As far as exposure, I don't have too many options His only sibling lives out of state and they aren't close. No other real family to expose to. As far as OP, she lives 4 states away. She's single anyway, so who would care.

I don't know how to monitor this since he travels. I have no way of knowing if there is NC or not. I think MC is out of the question since I showed him my SAA book and he thinks it's all a bunch of BS.

MarriedForever - I'll read your background. It sounds like you had the same situation. How did you monitor it? Are you still together?

I'll post over on the other forum as both of you suggested...

Knitgirl

KnitGirl,

First off, no one ever deserves to be deceived...how your H can think he can keep his EA going and yet still be married to you bewilders the mind. He's being selfish, and clearly, you are suffering in the middle of it all.

If you want this marriage to work, your H has to make certain realizations on his own...and want to make it work with you. Otherwise, it's just a one-way effort. It's your H that needs to start rebuilding trust with you.

Without trust and respect, the M or any R for that matter, will never survive.

Ouch. I'm so sorry for you. I know this pain too.
Here's my story:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3275828

It may be helpful. How to deal, info to look for, etc.

Passionpeach & Bobolina,

Thanks for your replies. I've been over on the GQ discussion board and keep forgetting to check back over here. There doesn't seem to be much discussion on this one. After 2 false recoveries, I've gone to Plan B. I'll check out your threads here.