I left my husband two years ago because I was unhappy in our marriage. We never divorced we just seperated, I suppose it was too painful to actually make it legal.

We have a three year old and a three month old who was born in his eyes during the worst time possible. He didn't want me to have her because around the time I concieved I had also stolen from him leaving him 3,000 in debt to the bank. This past year has been a complete rollacoster battle between depression,gambling, and guilt. One bad descion just lead to another and in the end I just ended up hurting everyone who loved me.

I decided to have my daughter although he warned me I would be on my own. Somehow she brough me back from the darkness and made me realize that there was hope. With treatment and not so high dosages of medication, I was able to get things back on track. I have apologized to him over and over and when I can I give him money in an effort to repay him for what I took from him.

A few weeks ago he finally admitted that he was seeing someone. He started seeing her just days after I delivered our second child. This was crushing to me. Not because he had began to see someone (although that did hurt) but because he had hid it from me and the timing of it. When I left him I began seeing someone and although it didn't become physical until last November and only once did I actually have intercorse with that person. I'm no less guilty than he is. I pushed him away and whether he slept with her once or hundreds of times, it's still an infidelity. We are both guilty of it.

I had approached him weeks before the birth asking for a possible second chance, he turned me down saying I had hurt him too much. I asked him again when he admitted he was seeing someone else. He said he would think about it.

Since then we have been spending more time together and he has broken up with the girl he was dating. But we are still basically separated and when I ask him if we should go to marriage counsling, he says first we need to work through somethings.

I'm just at a lost as to what I should do. We have both forgiven each other, but he's odviously very, very afraid to come back to me. I don't blame him but I don't know what to do to make him see I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. I left the marriage because I was unhappy. My unhappiness was what made the marriage unhappy. I was too young,immature and selfish to know better but I think I have grown enough to understand marriage isn't always easy but you have to work on it.

He says he loves me but won't give me a straight answer as to whether or not we are together again, are we still seperated even though we are sleeping together again, or am I just there to keep him company while he's lonely?

I'm totally confused at this point. Should I even bother to give it another try? It just doesn't seem like he's willing to really try. Should I just get the divorce papers and put this behind me?

Hi FWG,

Divorce is a tough question. You did well to wait. Divorce isn't something you rush into. You have to first ask if you still love him, that's what it's all about. If you do, and you're sleeping with him still, then you really need to start working on filling his emotional needs, finding out what his are, and telling him what yours are. At first he might not be interested, but as you work on filling his ENs, he will be more apt to fill yours. This takes time, a lot of time. If you fill his emotional needs, it's very likely that he'll fall back in love with you, if he isn't already.

Everyone makes mistakes, you need to work on forgiveness and so does he. I don't know about the $3000 aspect, lots of men eventually forget about that kind of stuff because they love their W and want her to be happy. And of course, some men are more concerned about it because they don't want it to happen again, so they expect it all repaid. Who knows. If he has money left over at the end of the month and doesn't care about bills, he might not care about $3000 if he can have you back and get on with your lives in the M.

If you're still interested in the M, make him want you. You know how. Get lots of exercise, make up, dress well, clean up everything around you, and while being very attactive to others, only pay attention to him.

Remember, he doesn't set your value, what you do sets your value, it's the same value God looks for, and he'll eventually see that value through what you do. Good luck.

God bless,
CS